The Book of Stupid Things That I've Done, volume 1 issue 1

Because I can't think of anything to talk about, I shall spin a yarn from The Book of Stupid Things That I've Done.

I got locked between two doors one night as I was leaving the lab (which, by the way, is located in the scariest building in the universe. It's like the Hollywood Tower Hotel at Disney's MGM Studios, except without the cool bellhop/narrator guy.) One morning, my mom drove to work with me (I live 40 miles from work) because she had to go to the vet to pick up some medicine. (For a cat. My mom is a human.) Anyway, I was going to be working late at the lab, so she just left me at work and my cousin Susan was going to pick me up that night after a meeting. Since I didn't drive, I didn't have my keys, which meant I didn't have the lab key. (I know, I know, I should have brought them. But I forgot, okay??) So I had to lock the knob of the back door and close it behind me as I left.

Well, Susan called when she got into the scariest alley in the world which is located beside the scariest building in the world, so I went out the scariest back door in the world, locked the knob, pulled the door shut, and then pushed the scariest outer door of the scariest building in the world. Ack. It's locked. Ack. So is the lab. Ack. My cell phone is beeping the Low Battery of Despair, Isn't This Just Fantastic signal. Aaaaack.

I called Susan and said, "Uh, I seem to have hit a little snag." She said, "Did some experiment go horribly awry and you've transformed yourself into Spiderwoman?" I said, "No. Unfortunately, I'm going to have to live in the space between the lab and the outside world for the rest of my life. See you later, make sure someone tells Scott and my mom that I said hi, and that I love them and all of that. And please forward my mail."

She didn't like that idea, so she called my boss (oh, the humiliation) who didn't answer (change the sentence in parentheses to 'oh, the potential humiliation'.) Well, dang. I really AM going to live here for the rest of my life. At this point, I started to wonder if I'd starve to death or run out of oxygen first. In retrospect, I totally forgot to worry about what I'd do when I had to pee.

So Susan braved the scariest alley in the world, and came to the door so we could peer at each other through the tiny, crud-covered window. She even stood bravely (all 105 pounds of her) when a strange looking, cowboy-hat wearing guy came ambling through the alley. And it's a thick door so we had to scream at each other. She said that Cowboy looked at her like she was nuts, screaming at herself in this scary alley. It was kind of like an episode of Seinfeld.

My mom, in the meantime, decided that my boss may not answer since he didn't recognize Susan's name & number. So she called, and he answered. And came to the lab to let me back in, so I could go out the front door. And laughed at me the entire time. Oh well, I guess it was pretty funny. The really funny part is that I could have gotten out. The next day, he showed me a roundabout way that I could have gone down this set of stairs in the area that almost became my new home, taken all these turns, gone up another set of stairs, and ended up in the lobby. It was so cool, like the secret passageway from the conservatory to the lounge! Except without Tim Curry, who was in the hall (and he knew because he was there.)