I watch a lot of TNT. Of course, I don't mean that I keep an eye on someone's large stockpile of explosives - I'm talking about the network. You know, TNT: All Law & Order, All the Time, with an Occasional ER or Judging Amy, or the Long, Long Nights When All that Can Be Seen is an NBA Game, With Cries of "WHY?????" Echoing in the Background, As the Addict Desparately Searches the TV Guide for An Episode of SVU or SOMETHING. Ahem.

My mom loves her some Law & Order - sometimes she gets it mixed up with the news, and she'll be telling me about some unsolved murder or a drug bust or what have you, and then she'll add, "Oh, and then Lenny had this great line ..." That tips me off, and I have to say, "Is this the real news or the special Channel 16 news?" Of course I'm kidding. TNT is channel 17.

The problem I have with TNT, aside from the fact that they insist on airing NYPD Blue in what would otherwise be a perfect lineup (I just can't get into NYPD Blue. Nothing against Dennis Franz's rear end, you understand, I just don't find it interesting. The show, I mean. And his rear end too) are those horrible commercials for Smoke Away that show up every other commercial. Haaaaaate!

"I smoked for 47 years, and I quit in three minutes with Smoke Away ... [Cut!] ... and this is minute five and somebody give me some Nicorette or something, please!"

I only find one of the endorsers tolerable, and that's the last guy, Mike - the "SMOKE AWAY. Is the BEST product. On the MARKET. TODAY. For quitting smoking" guy. I wish someone would sue them for false advertising and make the whole lot of them - including Dr. Whats-Her-Face, D.C. - go away.