Things that decrease my IQ

There are certain things that cause a palpable drop in my IQ when I watch or listen to them. One is the ridiculous show, ElimiDate, which follows the 11:30PM syndicated Seinfeld episode on Sunday night on Fox. I usually watch Seinfeld at 11:00 and 11:30*, and then, before I know what's happening, I'm sucked into ElimiDate because sadly, I actually want to see which airhead is picked by the superficial, doesn't-think-with-his-brain guy.

The show focuses on one guy and four girls as they go on various group dates (bowling, dancing, etc.) and one girl gets eliminated after each activity. I can always tell who will be given the boot first, because if a girl has any semblance of modesty or class, she's gone. And oh my goodness, the girls are so catty.

What, you're bowling in stilettos?

Well, I just didn't want to wear the $29.99 bowling shoes, quality that you girls are obviously used to.

Insulting each other's taste in shoes? How low can you go, really? And also, what's wrong with $29.99 shoes? I'm all about comfort, myself. If the cattiest girl is also the most well-endowed and the most scantily-clad, the others might as well just go home - because it's obvious that ElimiDate is trying to form relationships based on love, shared interests, trust, and complementary personalities. Except not.

The other thing that decreases my IQ is that TrimSpa commercial with Anna Nicole Smith, where she uses her three remaining synapses (the ones that aren't all clogged up with quaaludes) to form phrases like, "Want some money?" and "Wanna Viper?" Ugh.

In other news, I've diagnosed myself with vertigo. I feel dizzy, weak, and weird-in-the-head (that's a technical term, so don't feel bad if you don't understand my lexicon.) My heart is fluttery, I'm having trouble breathing and, inexplicably, I'm counting non-sequentially in Spanish. It's no fun at all.

*Except when I watch SoapNet's Sunday night 5-hour marathon of the previous week's Days of Our Lives episodes. Shut up.