American Idol top 11 - Billboard #1s

First of all, Bryan at Spare Change says that I inspire him to catch up on his reality TV. Not sure that's exactly what I'd like to inspire people to do, but whatever. And in a comment on that post, songstress says I'm a bright spot in the blogosphere! Me! A bright spot! That makes me happy. On to the fame-seekers:

• Anthony Federov - I Knew You Were Waiting (For Me) by George Michael and Aretha Franklin
  Okay, I love this song anyway - it's on my playlist of Uppers in yonder sidebar. Other things on a list of uppers - Anthony's pants. Seriously, pulled up way too high, dude. I'm worried about chafing in the axillary region. Shall we not do that anymore? Thanks. I had such a problem with his absurdly high waistline that I think I forgot to listen to him. I did notice Pauler clapping like a drunken baby seal at the end, though. Why, WHY hasn't she learned how to clap like a human?
• Carrie Underwood - Alone by Heart
  Well, she's having very unfortunate hair - it looks like an advertisement for Richard Caruso's molecular hairsetter. (Remember those? Back in the 90s? The little steam roller things? I have cheered through many a football and basketball game with a Caruso-ed ponytail, because our sponsor insisted on a CURLY ponytail or a french braid, to avoid anyone having weathered wheat hair.) Anyway, Carrie. I wasn't impressed at first, but she picked up quickly and ended VERY well. Unfortunately, Simon cursed her with the, "You'll sell more records than anyone else who's been in this competition" comment. Now insane Clay fans are going to go buy six seven eight more copies of Clay's album and distribute them to random unsuspecting recipients. You think I'm kidding.

Oh look, it's Donny Osmond. And he brought his teeth, which are disconcerting in a subtle kind of way.

• Scott Savol - Against All Odds by Phil Collins
  The person who taught this guy to dance (specificially, the shift-weight-from-foot-to-foot, accompanied by whatever-you-do-don't-bend-those-knees move) needs to be given a stern talking-to. And there goes his hat. Yaaawwn, that's an old move. Hm, there go his sunglasses (also, why is he wearing sunglasses?) Oh dear, is he disrobing?? Someone make it stop! Think of the children! What about the chirrun? Also, I had written the disrobing comments before Simon mentioned it, so I'm not stealing from him. Scott just BORES me. I can't help it.
• Bo Bice - Time in a Bottle by Jim Croce
  So we're going to see Bo's softer side. Where is that, exactly? Nevermind, I don't want to know. I'm pretty sure I don't want to see it, though, so to be on the safe side, I'll hide in this corner until it's over - someone tell me when I can look. I'll just be listening to this horrible, tinkly background music and zzzzz ...
• Nikko Smith - Incomplete by Sisqo
  Man, they're all wearing seven layers tonight so they can shed them throughout the performance? Was everyone indecisive in wardrobe or something? "Oh, I don't know. I just wear it all!" I think his vocals were really good. And Paula seems to think that Simon was complimenting her, and she mistakenly mauled him. Poor Simon.
• Vonzell Solomon - Best of My Love by The Emotions
  Paula looks rather hilarious in the background. Very nice performance by Vonzell - and for some reason, she's looking less mannish to me. Maybe it's the pink.
• Constantine Maroulis - I Think I Love You by The Partridge Family
  He's added MORE chains for nestling? Is he not listening to me at ALL? I don't know - I'm getting the vibe, "I think I love you, so what am I so afraid of? But you should be afraid, because I'm going to KILL you." And I think he's going to kill using only his voice. Constantine, go away please, if you would.

Eeesh, when Paula isn't clapping like a drunken baby seal, she's playing the role of Gropey von Octopus. She is on some serious drugs tonight.

• Nadia Turner - Time After Time by Cyndi Lauper
  A mohawk? A MOHAWK?? A mohawk. A MOHAWK!!! I usually like her, but that performance was not so good. Also, a MOHAWK???!! I want to pick her up, invert her, and then use her to cut a piece of wood like a buzzsaw.
• Mikalah Gordon - Love Will Lead You Back by Taylor Dayne
  Oh, she is ever so bad. And I don't like the thing around her neck - it looks like one of those feed bags that would be attached to a gawdy, overaccessorized horse. A horse that shaves off its eyebrows and draws them in, and wears too-bright lipstick that is outside the natural lipline. Anyway, Mikalah, it was not like buttah.
• Anwar Robinson - Ain't Nobody by Chaka Khan
  Following Mikalah, he could have whistled Jingle Bells through his nose and sounded good. So it was okay. But Anwar, man - I want to like you, so let's try not to sound like an elephant sedative, okay? I can't appreciate the glory note if you put me to sleep during the first part of the song.
• Jessica Sierra - Total Eclipse of the Heart
  I want to borrow that outfit, except without the bow. And I couldn't wear it to work, because I'd probably get iodine or E. coli or some other crap on it. I like her voice a lot, and that performance was good, but she goofed the words pretty bad.

Corrie, this episode and the top 12 are on a DVD for you, but they're not converted to the veerd yur-a-peein' PAL format. Because I was too lazy. The 24 episodes are veerd-ed, though, and are almost ready for sending. :-)