Paris Hilton - in list form

I don't particularly care that Paris Hilton is getting married.

I am, however, mildly amused that she managed to find a (tattooed, four-eyebrowed) guy named Paris to marry. Even if the marriage only lasts for six minutes.

Hotel heiress and "The Simple Life" reality TV star Paris Hilton is engaged to her boyfriend, Greek shipping heir Paris Latsis, her spokesman said Monday.

At first, I thought that said she was engaged to "her boyfriend, Geek shipping heir Paris Latsis" which would have probably made him more interesting. I mean, not only would he have been a geek, he would have been a geek with a capital G.

Occasionally, I get sucked into The Simple Life. And afterwards, I always loathe myself. Kind of like that time I realized that I found an Ashlee Simpson song catchy.

I think it's ridiculous that Paris Hilton wrote a book in which there's a chapter entitled "How to be a Heiress". Duh. But I kind of want to read that book. Don't tell anybody. I'm sure I'll loathe myself after that experience, too.

I also think it's ridiculous that she carries around her stupid little dog in her purse, and that it wears more expensive clothes than I do.

I think it's funny that the The Superficial guy called Paris Hilton "a giant insect". Heh.

Re: her identically-named fiance, Paris says, "He writes me love letters and gets me roses every day. He has all my pictures of all my billboards everywhere. I love it." This makes me irate because Scott has ZERO pictures of my billboards. Hmph.

And in conclusion, I was out running last night and I almost ran RIGHT PAST a giant spider that was as big as my head. (Which really says something, because I have a disturbingly large head.) But then, my cat pawed it around a couple of times and proceeded to eat it. He protects me when I'm outside - he kills and/or eats stuff that is creepy-crawly, and if something big and scary would show up, he'd disappear. If I can see him, I know I'm not about to get attacked by a mountain lion or a serial killer. So he kind of works as a reverse watchcat. He doesn't know that's what he's doing, though - he thinks he's just having an occasional snack and getting his stomach scratched every fifth lap or so.

Oh, and this one time? My cousin was on a float in her pool and reached up to get her hair out of her face (or something) and discovered that there was a giant spider ON HER HEAD. And not only was it a giant spider, it was one of those HUGE spiders with a zillion little baby spiders on its back. EWWWWWW! I would still be in therapy over something like that. But she managed to graduate from dental school, in spite of such a traumatic experience.

Those last two things had nothing to do with Paris Hilton. But that's okay, nobody is still reading anyway. Goodnight!