Because Erika cares

Last month, in the midst of a post about the Kenny Chesney/Renee Zellwegger nupitals (if I recall correctly, I had the following to say about the pairing: "So ... huh. That's ... well ... huh. Hm. Okay. Well, anyway. Whatever.") Something like that. And my reaction is unchanged. But that's not important.

What is important is that in the midst of that post, I mentioned that something about Kenny Chesney reminds me of a guy that I sort-of dated in high school, on and off, sometimes - a guy who did the crappiest thing to me that I think anyone has ever done to me. Granted, I'll admit that I've had a sheltered life, so I haven't been the recipient of much crap, thankfully. But the thing that this guy did was so inconsiderate and ... just ... mean, that he is still the reigning King of Crappiness in my world. (My ex-dermatologist who permanently scarred my face and then took advantage of my niceness and naivete runs a close second. But that's a story for another day.) When I mentioned that similarity between Do-er of Crappiness and Kenny Chesney, I said I'd share the story if anybody cared. And Erika, bless her heart, she commented, and she CARED. And, I happen to be in the mood to talk, suddenly, when I should be sleeping. So everybody wins, and nobody sleeps, and then we all go out for coffee, or something.

This actually requires a huge amount of backstory which I don't feel like reliving. So let's just say this - from the time I was in 7th grade until the time I was in 12th grade, I had a ginormous, ridiculous, and public crush on Future Do-er of Crappiness. Let's call him J. During that time, he would be interested in me for awhile (whether he really was, I don't know) and we'd talk on the phone and dance at school dances and sit around at lunch or whatever. Oh, and wrote quite a lot of letters, which I ended up burning post-crappiness. It was very cathartic.

So near the end of these periods of mutual interest, he'd decide another girl was more appealing or maybe that I was just less appealing. And then I'd cry and be broken-hearted for awhile, and then resume unrequited crush, which would end up being requited again briefly, and the cycle continued.

And there was also a stuffed duck involved, named D'Clarence, which did not get burned or otherwise maimed. Just for the record. There was also a white rose which he gave to me one day when I saw him at the mall, "to prove he was serious" about wanting to go out with me (because I was skeptical, which turned out to be smart on my part) but the rose got cut into little pieces and returned to him in a baggie when I found out he'd been telling similar things to another girl. And that was also cathartic.

J is a couple of years older than me, so he graduated when I was a sophomore but didn't really go anywhere, because he joined our high school football coaching staff, and therefore was always at football and basketball games. And I was also there because I was a cheerleader (not a slutty one, SarahK! To my knowledge, I've never been a slutty anything, which may have caused my life to be difficult at certain points. And that's totally okay.)

I'm getting sleepy so I'll jump to the crappiness now, even though I could go on for quite awhile. I have a memory like an elephant, except that I tend to remember very clearly things that people say to me that are crushing. So I guess I have a memory like an elephant with bad self-esteem, or something. Anyway, not long before I graduated (sometime in April) I saw J after school - he was at the weight room, I was probably dawdling after clogging practice just to get to see him - and he asked me out again. I ignored all the times he'd broken my heart and went, "Yay!" Internally, of course, because I am cool. Heh. And from April throughout the summer (with a short intermission while an ex-girlfriend of his went a little crazy) we hung out, we went places, we did stuff with his brother and one of my best friends*, we talked on the phone, and I was as happy as could be. We also ended up at the beach the same week, the week before I started college, and we spent a lot of time together there, along with his brother and a couple of my best friends* that were with me. It was a hoot.

But I was starting to wonder what was going on. Was he dating other girls, what did he really think of me, that type of thing - I wanted to have that scary talk, that "where is this going?" talk. So, the weekend after I started college, I went to one of my high school football away games with some friends*, and J was there because he was part of the coaching staff, and I had planned to talk to him after the game. As the team was running off of the field after the last buzzer, I caught J and asked if we could talk (I know that's a scary phrase, I know.) He said sure, for me to wait there, he was going to the locker room for the post-game stuff and he'd be back.

So my friends and I waited, speaking to old classmates as they passed us on the way to their cars. We waited, talking amongst ourselves when we were the only ones left on the field. I felt bad and tried to make them leave, thinking I'd just ride home with J - but they said they'd just wait for me. So we waited, while the stadium lights blinked off one by one and everyone was gone. By this time I was crying.

I sent one of my friends to the locker room to find out what was going on, and she was told that he'd left, going out the back gate. Left, meaning, he left. Meaning, he was gone. Without coming back to tell me.

So I was crushed, and my friends were mad. We went looking at nearby fast-food places trying to find him, to ask what he was doing by telling me to wait and then leaving by the back way. We found his brother, who said to my friend* (I was a wreck and didn't want to face anybody) "Well, they're not dating."

Oh, well, that's a satisfactory answer, except that it isn't. It's a good idea to be considerate to everybody (except maybe Osama bin Laden and Carson Daly) when obviously you're not dating everybody. Or maybe I'm just in left field with that. What on earth have I been doing? I've been trying to be considerate to most people in general, when I only have to consider people that I'm DATING? Fantastic! That's only one person! I can tell everybody else that I'll do this, or do that, or 'wait here and I'll be back', and I don't actually have to do it. Woo!

J's explanation to me, when he called, was actually that "we [weren't] dating." I don't know what it was we were doing, but it wasn't "dating" to him and therefore I didn't merit his consideration. He said that his ex-girlfriend was driving him nuts that night and that he left by the back way to get away from her. He said that he just couldn't see me as anything more than a friend. He said that I'm too good for him. I figured out later that he was right. ;-) Because there's no excuse for what he did that night. He could have sent someone to tell me, or something.

So anyway, that whole episode made me feel very small and insignificant and really, really, really, crappy. And worthless, and sad, and I became very low and very hard on myself for about two weeks.

And then, out of the blue, I met Scott. Wonderful, perfect-for-me Scott. And he is everything that J wasn't, and fulfills every need that J couldn't. Looking back on it now, all of those little "this isn't right!" feelings during that 6-year J Season were God trying to tell me, "This isn't the one for you - just let him go," but I ignored them and finally, I had to be shaken by the shoulders before I would hear, "I have someone so much BETTER for you! Custom-made to order, even! Let this one GOOOOO already!"

I'm glad I finally listened. Because I wouldn't trade Scott for 10^5 Js.

*Incidentally, the friend that I asterisked up there, the one who was with me through all of the broken hearts and the crappiness, is now Mrs. J. I know it's been several years, but that pairing still feels like a Bizarro World marriage to me. She's still a friend, and J could even be a friend, but the fact that they're together seems like the Twilight Zone. And that is all. The end. If you're still reading, I'll give you a cookie.