Bonfire of the Vanities

So we're doing a ginormous Bonfire of the Vanities, since It's a Pundit is the host this week and it's a group blog. I picked a few submissions that I found most shameful. For shame, for shame!

Jack at The People's Republic of Seabrook shows us what Paris Hilton may look like if she actually ate a whole bunch of Hardee's/Carl Jr.'s Thickburgers. And then developed an unfortunate hormone imbalance. And then put on a VERY unfortunate outfit. I'll be sending you the bill for the 10M hydrochloric acid used to rinse my eyeballs, Jack.

SF at give me spirit fingers dammit!! jumps on the very original topic of Tom Cruise and Katie Holmes. (What? I only posted about them six times in the past two days.) Except she thinks Tom has broken Katie's neck. Seems like overkill, since he's already had her brainwashed and then her soul replaced by some sort of alien blowup doll.

Russ at TacJammer wrote a jingle and wants to be beaten. With a large stick. I think just for writing a jingle. Or maybe because his jingle is to the tune of Rock Lobster. Hey, what's wrong with Rock Lobster? It's a song with great meaning - don't you watch Family Guy?

Rachael Ray says things that are NOT for the chirrun. Think of the chirrun! Merri at Merri Musings doesn't think of the chirrun, because she helpfully gathers all the suggestiveness of Chef Hussy into a handy list, for reference. What about the chirrun??? Merri probably kicks puppies too.

Mustang 23 at Assumption of Command reminds us that fecal coliforms do aerosolize with each flush. Ew, man. Why was that necessary?

William Teach at Pirate's Cove marries White Trash Wednesday with Raving Moonbattery, a pairing which removes the humor from both while accentuating the crazy and the annoying. Hey you, don't do that. Not anymore. Keep 'em separated.

And finally, for something we all want to read about, Mike at WunderKraut gives us virus-laden feces. Piles of it. Wheeee! (Incidentally, I actually was interested in this. But only because I wanted to know what virus it was. Not that that's much of an excuse.)

A full treatment of all submissions can be found at It's a Pundit.