Iraq votes

www.daybydaycartoon.com

Just because I haven't said this yet - God bless the Iraqi people (particularly Rose and the other Iraqi bloggers that AlphaPatriot rounds up here). It really brought me joy to watch their joy today. Those who are still complaining about having to wait in long lines to vote in our presidential election have nothing to complain about - none of us literally risked our lives to vote. We really take it for granted.

I'm also very grateful to the brave troops - the U.S. military and also our allies - who made today possible by just doing their jobs. God bless them and keep them safe, and comfort those who love them and eagerly await their return home.

And finally, God bless President Bush. If it brought me joy to watch the footage of the women voting, and the elderly man who cried as he put his ballot in the box, and the people dancing in the streets, I can only imagine what the President felt. If I were in his shoes, I would have punctuated my televised comments with waggling fingers beside my head and a big "pffffffft!" And that, ladies and gentleman, is one reason why I am not the President.

There is still much to be done, but today was a great day, and I am proud of all who helped bring it to fruition despite critics and pessimists and bombs and beheadings.

I'm trying not to be too political here, but I think the success of the Iraqi elections transcends politics. At any rate, I'll be back to your regularly-scheduled not-too-political blogger tomorrow.

I'm dating Bill Nye the Science Guy

Like I say over there in the sidebar, Scott is almost finished with a Ph.D. in chemistry. Since I've known him, he's always been very good in science - brilliant, actually - which automatically makes him a really big geek. But "Ph.D.", which stands for Piled Higher & Deeper, has set him on an irreversible path of nerdiness. It sneaks into his everyday speech more and more now:

Example #1 - He has a ridiculously sensitive olefactory nerve - I mean, he gets overwhelmed by two molecules clinging to my Yankee Candle Clean Cotton Car Jar, so it gets banished to my glove compartment. He also hates almost anything that comes from Bath & Body Works. That place is like his nemesis. (Yet, he still goes in there to buy stuff for me. What a nice guy.) He always says, "What's that stench? Smells like ... flowers!" We were in a theater once, and I whipped out some of my Look Ma, New Hands that smells citrusy. He wrinkled his nose and said, "What's that stench? Smells like ... esters!"

Now, I realize that the fact that I know that fruit oils contain a functional group called an ester and that I didn't say, "Oh yeah??? Who's Esther???" makes me geeky as well. But the fact that he'd just automatically say "esters" instead of "oranges" makes him such a giant nerd. I love him.

Example #2 - I was visiting him one weekend and made some pancakes for dinner. (Most couples have a song, we have a food. It's pancakes.) Scott observed, "These pancakes are really dense." I, of course, was obligated to defend my Bisquick concoction, so I said, "What? They're fine!" He proceeded to cut a piece of one and hold it up for evidence, and said, "Seriously! Look at the mass to volume ratio!" Bwah. Again, I love him.

Example #3 - When you're dating Bill Nye the Science Guy, you have to be careful, because anything that I say could inspire an impromptu quiz. Last week, it was colder than a stainless steel toilet on the shady side of an iceberg. Scott is about 4 hours away from me, so his weather is usually about the same as it is here. I talked to him on my way home from the lab one night and found out that the goofball actually walked to school that day (a mile or so.) I asked him if his glasses fogged up when he entered the building, and then I made a quiz-inspiring comment: "You know, I've heard that walking into a building backwards keeps your glasses from fogging." He said, "What takes place on the surface of the glasses to cause the fogging?" I was proud because I knew that one. Water molecules in the air hit the cold glasses and in losing energy to try to "warm up" the glasses (because equilibrium is a happy state) they crystallize. I wasn't off the hook, though. "So, what would be different about that process if you walked in backwards?" Well, the side of the glasses closest to your face isn't as cold as the other side, so the water molecules that hit that side probably wouldn't lose as much energy and may not crystallize. But they still hit the other side too, so Bill Nye the Science Guy determined that my source may have been misinformed.

The random scientific chatter makes Scott the perfect person to tell certain types of jokes, though. Like this one:

Q: When you see a flock of geese flying, and they're in a "V" shape, you know how sometimes one arm of the V is longer than the other? Do you know why that is?

I puzzled and puzzled, trying to come up with some explanation involving gravitational forces and air pressure, including several physics equations and maybe a diagram or two. Then Scott gave me the deadpan answer: "Because there's more geese on that side." Hardy har har.

By the way, I decided to call him Bill Nye the Science Guy for two reasons - #1, it's funnier to say than "Mr. Wizard" and #2, the mental image of me dating Mr. Wizard is a little creepy, because he's approximately 135 years old.

Hand critters vs. mouth critters

Heh. SarahK is discovering that apparently, in Florida, drinking out of strangers' straws is a regular occurrence.

when the waiter came back we told him that our drinks tasted funny. jokingly, someone said, "take a swig!"

E (man)’s drink was closest to the waiter’s face, and he actually. leaned. down. and ...

wait for it ...

took a swig. out of E’s straw. HIS STRAW!!!

Hee. On a related note, I am amused when people drink from a container that belongs to someone else, and then wipe it off with their hand before giving it back. Normally, hand critters are just as bad, or worse, than mouth critters. Depending on the drinker's handwashing practices, of course. So it's like, "Here, let me smear various organisms on this before giving it back to you! Think of it as a 'thank you' for sharing."

Postpourri

Just to give credit where credit is due, I totally stole "postpourri" from my old buddy Argillus, who posts various hilarities on TWoP. Like his review of A Clay Aiken Christmas, for instance. Anyway, I'll use "postpourris" for those times when I just have a bunch of random things in my head that I want to say. And don't go expecting segues in posts like this, for there shall be none.

Look, look! It's another one of those traffic-generating programs like BlogClicker and BlogExplosion:

I don't know about this one yet, but both BC and BE are really great for generating traffic.

/ Boring, self-absorbed attempt to get more referrals which will give me more credits. I need all the help I can get!

I'm not sure how I feel about the colony of Pastelicus mouthlessii on that banner. From the neck up, they kind of remind me of multicolored bald men with handlebar mustaches who have their heads on upside down.

I wonder if I'll get a hit from someone searching Google for "multicolored bald men with handlebar mustaches who have their heads on upside down". That would be disturbing.

You'll notice that it looks like someone threw up Amazon links all over the place around here. I link to stuff on Amazon because I get commission, and that and the Google ads up yonder can pay for some of my hosting. You know, since I can't afford a telethon. Just to clarify, because I'd hate to give the impression that I have some kind of weird Amazon fixation.

I greatly dislike the newer Travelocity radio ad. Jellyfish are NOT totally kissable, you crazy gnome. At least he's stopped calling me his yuletide toadstool. Melodically.

I can't believe I forgot that Josh Hartnett is in The Virgin Suicides! Squeeee! And I'm sure that the music picker (or whatever the technical name is) would be THRILLED to know that I think Magic Man by Heart was a perfect song for the scene that introduces Trip Fontaine. Perfect! Also, rawrrr. And also, I just created #162 on my list of Stuff that I Want to Do In My Lifetime - somehow, I'm going to need to get Josh Hartnett to call me a "stone fox". Okay, FINE! It's actually #3, but that makes me sound really shallow.

What on earth are the lyrics to The Look by Roxette talking about?

Fire in the ice
Naked to the t-bone
Is a lover's disguise
Banging on the head drum
Shaking like a mad bull
She's got the look

Uh, "shaking like a mad bull"? Okay. Except, what?

Swaying to the band
Moving like a hammer
She's a miracle man
Loving is the ocean
Kissing is the wet sand
She's got the look

"Kissing is the wet sand"? Does kissing get in your swimsuit and cause unauthorized exfoliation? I don't get the comparison. Crazy Swedes.

I bought The Best of Jimmy Fallon today - I luuuuurve him, but I am outraged that the Celebrity Jeopardy skit where he plays Dave Matthews is missing. Boo! Maybe Dave wouldn't allow it or something. Do they have to get permission from the people they spoof before they can sell the spoof on DVD? If so, then the aforementioned "boo" is directed at Dave. I still adore him, though. Dave, I mean. And Jimmy as well. He's too cute, particulary when he gets tickled at himself.

I still haven't figured out the PHP/MySQL/Apache/Wordpress setup. I am convinced you need two doctoral degrees and an IQ of 195 to be able to do it. Coincidentally, those are also the requirements to be hired as the person who makes sure that there are never two Law & Orders (or Laws & Order?) on at the same time. I know that the coordinator of the L & O programming of NBC, USA, and TNT must be a genius, because Law & Order is always on somewhere, be it Law & Order: SVU, Law & Order: CI, Law & Order: Original, or Law & Order: Extra Crispy, and yet they don't conflict. It's the eighth world wonder. Amazing.

Yesterday, I dropped a recipe box and gave my cat 14 heart attacks. And last night, I dreamed that I was making cornbread and I decided it would be a swell idea to use the dishwasher to cook it. It turns out that it's a stupid idea, and my dream self made a giant mess.

Hello, Ted Kennedy? Shut it. Please.

That song of John Mayer's that goes something like, "Fathers be good to your daughters, blah blah blahblah blah blah blahhhhhh, blah blah blah lovers, something-or-other mothers, blahblahblah blah blah blah blaaaahhhh blah blaaaahhhhhh" makes me want to severely disrupt the integrity of my tympanic membrane. Look here, John. As a general rule, I try to keep talk about my father separate from talk about me being a lov-ah by at least 60-90 minutes. Otherwise it's a little creepy.

I haven't decided how I feel about Sharona's replacement on Monk yet. I'm thinking it will work out well, because it should decrease the amount of time that My Sharona lives in my head. It's a good song, but it's annoying to have in my head because the only lyrics I know are, "wordthatrhymeswith EYE, SHARONA!"

I'm working my way through The O.C. First Season DVDs, and was completely amused by the New Year's episode. One reason is that I am almost sure I saw an extra with a femullet. A femullet! In Newport! If my eyes didn't deceive me, I'm sure it was a particular O.C. mullet - spiked angst in the front, and long, flowing angst in the back.

I think that's all ... yes. Yes, that's all. Goodnight.

Fuzzy Wuzzy was a bear ...

Photography is one of my favorite things in the world to do (people are the best subject, and kids in particular) so I subscribe to Popular Photography and Imaging. Which is, like most other photography publications, devoting more and more articles to digital stuff. I'm not a die-hard film advocate - I mean, I'm not one of those, "You can have my film when you can pry it from my cold, dead hands!" people - but I think film pictures look so much better. It could be that I'm being stupid here, but isn't a 35mm negative equivalent to 35MP? It seems like I read that somewhere. So until there's an affordable 30+ digital camera, I'm sticking to my Canon Elan 7e. I luuuuuuurve it.

The digital/film debate gets really heated, I've noticed. It's a phenomenon similar to the low-carb crowd vs. the I-heart-carbs crowd (that would be me.) People defend the low-carb diet very vehemently, almost like it's a religion or something, when you wonder aloud what all the extra protein is doing to their kidneys.

But anyway, the point of my post is a monthly feature that Popular Photography has, called The Fix, where they highlight pictures that weren't chosen for the monthly Your Best Shot, and they point out what could be corrected to make them better photos.

This month, there was a picture of some bears with the usual comments in red, and one of them struck me as funny:

"Too fuzzy"? It's a bear! It's supposed to be fuzzy! Unless, of course, it's a shot of the famous Fuzzy Wuzzy:

Fuzzy Wuzzy was a bear
Fuzzy Wuzzy had no hair
Fuzzy Wuzzy wasn't fuzzy was he?

Was the photographer supposed to shave the bear? Hose it down with Bear Nair, which makes bears bare? Start a brushfire to singe the controversial fuzz? I wonder if the Pop Photo people meant for that to be humorous.

Also, that says "crop", not "crap".

More Good Stuff.

See, I'm feeling so much better! I keep thinking of more additions to my list of things to be happy about. Por ejemple.

1. My name isn't Topher. (Has anybody seen In Good Company, by the way? Just curious.)
2. I didn't invent those annoying little subscription cards in magazines.
3. I have the appropriate number of fingers and toes.
4. I don't kiss in the Soup Nazi's line.

I think it's going to be a good day, except for the fact that I couldn't sleep last night. I went to sleep, finally, at about 2:00AM and woke up at 5:00AM for no reason. Blah.

And in conclusion, Katie Couric gets on my every nerve, and then stomps on them in high-heeled boots.

The Good Stuff.

Whenever something happens to make me feel really really small, like this:

And not the good kind of small, I mean the "I'm a horrible person who caused people pain" kind of small, I try to think about the good things so that I don't self-destruct. For example.

First, the Creator of the universe is so interested in a relationship with me that He left Heaven to spend 33 years of suffering and rejection on earth, only to die a cruel death, to make a way that my sin wouldn't forever separate me from Him. That's enough to make me happy, right there. The Creator of the universe really, really loves me, y'all.

Also, somehow I managed to find everything, EVERYTHING, that I was looking for in the person to spend my life with, all wrapped up in one visually-pleasing package. :-) And for some reason, he seems to like me too. I have parents that raised me to have a good work ethic, to be honest, to believe in myself, and to always know that I'm loved. I have a giant extended family that I would do anything for, and vice versa, I think, and I actually like to spend time with them and they don't make me want to pull my eyeballs out. I have more good friends than someone my age tends to have, and there is mutual trust and respect, and fun, of course. So in other words, I have a lot of people to love. Gag, gag, and barf, right? :-)

I've been blessed with the ability, the opportunity, and the determination to get an education, and to further it in a way that I may be able to really make a difference in someone's life. Oh, and I also got a $5,000 scholarship for my first year of medical school - woooooot! That makes me really happy. You know, the opposite of how Charlie Brown felt when he realized that even his dog had gone commercial. My future is looking pretty good. I am thankful for God's guidance in the choices that I've made in the past that have resulted in my ending up where I am today.

Also, I can say that I've never cheated in school (argh! I can't stand to see people cheating in class) and I've never stolen from my employer. So I'm proud of that. Maybe I'm not such a hideous person after all.

Oh, and Family Guy was on TBS last night. Hooray! That was a whole big pile of happy, right there.

A requested edit

I'm removing all of the references to the guy with the porn - apparently that was the wrong thing for me to do, although I certainly never meant to hurt anyone. The writers of most of the blogs that I read air their work/school/family frustrations occasionally, and I thought it was a harmless thing to do, considering my five regular readers are in Holland, the United Kingdom, Maryland, Florida (formerly known as Texas), and Virginia, and that none of them actually know me or the people I mentioned personally.

I'm not sorry for telling the truth, but I am sorry that it was hurtful to people whose opinion of me matters to me. Knowing that someone that I respect is disappointed in me is the one feeling that hurts me the worst, I think. I guess that's always been true - when I was little, all I had to know was that one of my parents was disappointed in me, and that was punishment enough.

Anyway, I know some of you found the saga funny, but I don't think any amount of laughter was worth the hurt that I feel right now, and I wish I wouldn't have posted it in the first place. I told the truth, I tried to protect identities, and I didn't mean any harm.

I really really wish it was July and that I was moving on to medical school, you know, tomorrow.

Also, I think it may be a little while before I post anything again, because I don't really have the heart for it right now. Maybe I'll feel differently tomorrow, but just in case - I may be on hiatus for awhile. If you want to know when I post something new, just email me at KAL97 at aol dot com, and I'll let you know when I'm back to posting.

Thanks for reading, I really appreciate all the emails and the comments I've received so far. :-)

The sacrifices of God are a broken spirit: a broken and a contrite heart, O God, thou wilt not despise (Psalm 51:17 KJV).

Edited to add: On second (or 65th) thought, I suppose I should remove relevant comments as well, since my aim is to make sure that no one that this guy knows finds out what he's up to, or something. If I had to delete your comment, I am so sorry - I feel wrong about doing that, like I'm breaking an amendment here. But I guess I can take comfort in the thought that, if I must break a -ment in this situation, I'm glad it's an amendment and not a Commandment. Being human, I break those often (thank You for Your forgiveness) but in particular this situation, I think I'm okay.

But I'm still really upset about destroying several years of good-reputation building. This day has been horrible. Is it August yet? I'm afraid the forecast for the next seven months looks awkward and chilly. *sigh* Thanks for the comments thus far, they help a little. :-) Off to attempt sleep ...

I'm going to smash this iTrip into a gazillion pieces.

Aaaarrrrgghhhh!

Now that I have your attention (maybe), what on earth is wrong with my iTrip?? I love music (please see my ridiculously organized music lists over there) and I was euphoric when I got my iPod back in September. I have a 40-mile commute each way to work/school, and I also keep the radio on while I'm at the lab, so I also bought an iTrip FM transmitter from Griffin to save me from hearing Ashlee Simpson and Hillary Duff 700 times a day. (For some reason, we can only get about 3 stations in the lab.)

So everything was going along swimmingly with the iPod for about three months, and then all of a sudden, in the middle of a song, there's a "Skkkkrrrrcckkkk!" noise and now, the iTrip won't tune a station despite my begging, pleading and threats of blackmail.

I emailed the iTrip people, and they suggested updating my iTrip software, so I tried that. Nope. (Had it been that easy, I think I would have stuck something sharp in my eyeball, considering all the time I'd spent trying to figure it out myself.) Then I read an article about Apple quietly including a firmware update in the newest version of the iPod software, which would lock out tracks purchased using Real's Harmony service. Well, pffft on Apple.

Anyway, I had updated my iPod software right before "Skkkkkrrccckkk!" so I'm wondering if the firmware somehow screwed up the iTrip's ability to tune. I tried restoring my iPod to factory settings and ignoring the prompts to update to the new software, and then I reinstalled the iTrip. Then I uninstalled the iTrip. Then I restored to factory settings again. Then I installed the old iTrip software. Then I uninstalled the old iTrip software. Then I threw stuff. Then I banged my head against a wall.

If anybody has any ideas how I can restore the iPod/iTrip to working order, I'll send you a million dollars. And when I say "dollars", I mean "nothing".

The iPod still works fine with my headphones, but I think it's illegal to drive while using headphones. Or, that could be one of those laws that I just made up. Not that I do that often, except when I see something that should be illegal. Like armpit hair, for example.

Different versions of me

I ran across a link on another blog to The Perception Laboratory's Face Transformer, and I have produced various versions of myself (because it's all about me, me, meeeeeee!)

It's funny, because transforming myself into various ethnicities and ages and artist styles happened to be on my to-do list for today. Okay, so it wasn't (like I have a to-do list anyway) but I didn't work today due to the weather. What do you want from me? Shhhhh! Don't say "thesis". Don't say "big paper" either.

Now, without further ado:

Here's what I started with (it's hideous, because I didn't work today so therefore I'm wearing only some residual eyeliner and I can't believe I'm letting someone see this and egad.)

East Asian me / West Asian me:
  

Mucha me / Botticelli me:
  

And finally, I'm a man, baby! Here's a masculine version of me that looks a really lot like my dad. I put an old picture of he and Mom beside it for comparison. Awww, aren't they cute?
  

Go try that thing, it's a mountain of merriment.

Oh, and Funky Fresh Freddie from my comments? Sorry, man, I'm already spoken for, and if I will go somewhere with Scott and eat elk, then it's love. Thanks though. Okay.

I have been trying unsuccessfully for about 2 weeks to switch my blog over to WordPress, but it appears that you have to have an IQ of 200 to figure it out. I'm banging my head against a wall here. Even the tutorials are way over my head. I need a tutorial not for dummies, but for newly-birthed chimpanzees or something.

On a happier note, I'm getting lots of new visitors and comments (from BlogClicker, I assume). Yay visitors! Yay comments! Yay BlogClicker!

In other news, brrrrrrrrrr!

Like I needed another time-waster.

Continuing my sad attempt at getting more traffic, I signed up for BlogClicker in addition to my BE addiction. It's nice to see some different blogs, as opposed to the ones that I've seen forty-seven quadrillion times on BE. (Vandamonium, I'm looking at you! Oh, the horror of that flashy, blinky, cluttered and content-less thing. I know I don't have the best blog on the face of the earth, but at least I don't give BE surfers seizures. Sheesh.)

Anyway, I wish BlogClicker had a "blogmark" option and a do-not view list (bleeding-heart conspiracy theorists, I'm looking at you! I really just don't care, and you're not going to convince me to care in 30 seconds. Oh, and I'm not looking at Vandamonium anymore. Just to clear that up, lest you think I'm weirdly looking in two directions at once, all crazy-eyed.) They have clicking contests (which are exciting except for the fact that I'll never never ever beat UptownGirl and her 10000000 clicks per week. Grrrr.) You can get cash from referrals, and their advance-click is a picture instead of a number, which I like. BE's numbers make me nervous, because I'm always afraid I'll accidentally click "599" instead of "569" or whatever. They remind me of those blurry non-words that you have to type into Ticketmaster, like "twingle" or "skoof". Those things make me almost as nervous as public speaking, because one wrong keystroke, and alas! All is lost.

BlogCrowd is another new BE clone, and I'm not wild about it yet (sometimes the countdown doesn't work if it's not the top window, but it is 20 seconds instead of 30.) And they do give you 250 credits when you sign up, so I think it's worth signing up for 250 visits, even if you never use it again. I think my problem with BlogCrowd is the typos I ran across on their site. For example, their registration form asked for my "fist name". Well, if it's not Kim and it's not Fist, then I don't know ... maybe Phlangelina?

In other news, there are two deer mowing the hill behind my neighbor's house. It's rather serene-looking. I hope they stay out of the road so I don't slam into them with my car.

And finally, my cat is absolutely thrilled that I'm awake. That is all.

Well, I'm back from my weekend at Scott's, where we ended up going to the Sportsman's Banquet and I consumed catfish, trout, some venison pepper steak, and a microscopic amount of elk. I hope that the venison and elk weren't seasoned with a dash of prion. Ask me in about 20 years. At that time, my code for "yes" will be something psychotic and incoherent.

Hm. Wait a minute.

Make sure it's exactly 20 years, because that will be at 12:42 P.M. and I should be awake. Because if I'm asked something at 4:00 A.M., I may be unconscious and therefore psychotic and incoherent anyway, prion infestation or no prion infestation.

Heh. Look at some of the Google ads that showed up when I searched "prion" to find that link up there:

I'll pass on those sexy prion singles, but thanks!

Oh, and we saw The Life Aquatic With Steve Zissou. It was quirky and much better than Lost in Translation (IMO) and I was amused. I'll tell you about it later, in a little post I like to call Movies I've Seen Recently. It's becoming increasingly gargantuan.

Here, kitty kitty kitty ...

I discovered a link to Hallmarks of Felinity at News From the Great Beyond, and I freaking love these cartoons. Especially this one:

If you're a cat person, what are you still doing here? Get thee over there now and look at the rest.

And since it's Friday, here's Lucky and Cinders (a.k.a. SumoKitty. He is definitely large and in charge.)

A Heartwarming Tale of a Guy and His Porn, Part III

Apparently this was the wrong thing to do. I certainly never meant to hurt anyone, I just let my frustration get to me and I mistakenly told the truth. I'm not sorry for telling the truth, but I am sorry that it was hurtful to people whose opinion of me matters to me. Knowing someone is disappointed in me is the feeling that hurts me the worst, I think.

No "Clay Aiken Waldo" for you!

I'm sorry if I sound like the Smut Nazi, but I have to say something.

Dear person(s) who keep(s) visiting this blog as a result of Google, Yahoo, MSN, and Dogpile searches for "clay aiken waldo":

You're wasting your time, because I don't have any of that. We're all sold out here. Also, you're kind of creeping me out just a tad. So please go away. You could try The Clackhouse, perhaps. They have creepy banners and disturbing taglines like this:

So, they might be able to help you out. Good luck.

Yes, that says "interpenetration". No, I don't know what that is, and no, I don't think I want to know, especially in the context of Clay Aiken. Ack.

BeepBOOM, beepBOOM, beepBOOM, beepTHWUNK.

Like I said yesterday, I've been obsessively watching the 3rd season of 24 on DVD. I was trying to cram it all in before the 4th season started, but I didn't make it. So I haven't watched any of the 4th season yet, except to know that there's a train and a kidnapping and Kiefer ALMOST smiles. Almost.

There was a reason I was watching the DVDs in the first place, though. Scott doesn't have cable in his apartment at school, but not because he's Amish or because Poltergeist still gives him nightmares and he doesn't want to be snatched out of his window by an evil tree. It's because after he'd been at school for awhile, he still hadn't gotten around to getting cable and he discovered that he can get more done without it, so he decided not to get it. I think. So for Christmas this year, I bought the first season of 24 for him (being the unbelieveably fantastic girlfriend that I am, heh) because I thought he'd like it and he hasn't seen any of it. I also bought him a Playstation 2 to further help him waste time.

Well, he's watching 24 like a super-long movie, five episodes at at time and such. I also bought him Tru Calling, because although it started off rather meh, he likes Eliza Dushku. Again, please see "girlfriend, unbelieveably fantastic". But since he's hooked on 24 now, I traded it for the 2nd season. And I bought the 3rd season for myself.

So I thought this would give us something to talk about. Unfortunately, I didn't realize that I couldn't talk about anything that was going on in season 3, because I didn't want him to know who was alive and dead and the like, and he won't talk about the first season, because I haven't watched all of it and he doesn't want to ruin it for me (although I wouldn't care.) So our in-depth 24 discussions go something like this:

Me: So. Soooo ... KIEFER, huh?!!?
Scott: I guess.

You could say that my plan went a little awry. Oh well.

I watched so many season 3 episodes over the weekend that the word "virus" started to sound like they were pronouncing it wrong. And I'm surprised that I didn't go into work on Monday and dramatically announce every hour on the hour, "The following takes place between 9AM and 10AM" or some such thing.

And finally, there's something about Kiefer that I find H-O-double T-hot. Like, HOTT. This is strange because I usually prefer dark-haired guys. Maybe it has something to do with the fact that Kiefer keeps saving the world from being obliterated. That's a pretty attractive quality, I guess.

Caribooooooooo.

I know that there are scores of people who are sorely disappointed that I barely posted all weekend. Look, I was busy doing nothing. I couldn't help it.

Actually, I was obsessively watching the 3rd season of 24 -- more on that later. And I also did some tweaking on my blog template -- while I am a big fan of pink (pink, not Pink) I felt like Shelby's wedding reception. What do you think? Is it hideous?

On Friday, assuming that there's not a blizzard forecasted and that my pancreas doesn't explode, I plan to go spend the weekend with Scott. Yay! He emailed me this morning and said something scary, though -- he said, "deer, elk, bear, caribou, buffalo, etc." Maybe I should include the context -- he was talking about a Sportsman's Banquet that a church nearby is having this weekend, as an outreach to hunters (which I think is a really good idea, btw) and the previous list is stuff that he heard they'll have dead and cooked.

Now, I don't have a problem with hunting animals for sport or food or whatever. And I love Scott, yes I do. But I'm thinking caribou, not so much.

Thanks to everybody for the comments re: the infestation of my future mother-in-law's computer. Now I don't feel like such a doofus -- maybe just a doofuslet.

And finally, I'm wearing my favorite Family Guy T-shirt today, which always makes me happy.

Hee.

I am a giant doofus.

Scott's mom bought a new computer (a Gateway, and she should have gotten a Dell, dude) and last week Scott was working on getting it set up for her. He hit a bunch of snags (little things like, "Hard drive cannot be found" and "CD/DVD-ROM drive cannot be found" and finally opened the computer up and discovered that both the hard drive and the CD/DVD-ROM drive weren't connected to the motherboard. He reconnected them and finally got it working.

She had a few files that she wanted to transfer to the new computer, so Scott put them on floppy disks, only to discover that the new one didn't have a floppy drive. I brought the disks home and burned the files to a CD for her, along with Spybot Search & Destroy, PestPatrol, and AdAware. Then I transferred the files to her new machine and installed the three spyware removal programs.

Last night Scott told me that the computer has a virus, and tech support determined it was the Sasser worm and that it came from my Spybot file. I scanned my system and the original floppy disks, downloaded the Sasser fix tool from Symantec and ran it, and downloaded the Intelligent Updater from Symantec and scanned again. Nothing. So I don't think it's possible that the virus came from me, and I figure that either the computer was screwed up to begin with, or, well, I don't know.

If my system was clean, is it possible for me to burn a virus-infected CD? Computer-knowledgeable people, I'm looking at you! Even if it didn't come from me, I still feel like a giant stupidface. (Or to quote Chris Farley, "a horse's patoot.") I hate to cause trouble for people! (Well, unless it's PornBoy. More on him later, since it's been a week since my last installment.)

The moral of the story, chirrun, is don't let me touch your computer, because I may or may not give it a virus.

Note for the common-sense impaired: Toilet brushes are not to be used for personal hygiene.

I love stupid consumer warnings! I just read on Yahoo News that an anti-lawsuit group, Michigan Lawsuit Abuse Watch, sponsors an annual contest to find the most ridiculous consumer warning. This year's winner is a warning found on a toilet brush: "Do not use for personal hygiene."

Well now, to call that warning ridiculous is just very intolerant! What about those people who have a mental affliction that makes them think that they are toilets? Might they consider a toilet brush a personal hygiene item? Are you telling me that you don't care if they poke themselves in the eye? How insensitive.

Anyway, there are 1st, 2nd, and 3rd prizes as well. From Associated Press writer David Goodman:

The $500 first prize went to Ed Gyetvai, of Oldcastle, Ontario, who submitted the toilet-brush label. A $250 second prize went to Matt Johnson, of Naperville, Ill., for a label on a children's scooter that said, "This product moves when used."

A $100 third prize went to Ann Marie Taylor, of Camden, S.C., who submitted a warning from a digital thermometer that said, "Once used rectally, the thermometer should not be used orally."

The entire article is here.

And while we're on the subject of stupid, here's a ridiculous lawsuit: NBC's 'Fear Factor' Sued for Rat-Eating Episode:

Watching contestants eat dead rats on NBC's gross-out stunt show "Fear Factor" so disgusted a Cleveland man that he has sued NBC for $2.5 million, saying he could not stomach what he saw.

Maybe I can sue for mental anguish I suffered watching Carmen Rasmussen's pole-less pole dance from the American Idol 2 finale. Ack.

Look at me, I'm just full of inappropriate and offensive.

I'm in the middle of a flurry of shameless promotion of my blog -- because I wish I had more visitors and more comments (I wanna be SarahK when I grow up) -- so I signed up with BlogSnob. They ask you to create a 75-character ad, so mine was: "I don’t strip. But I do ramble - sometimes about my porn-loving coworker." I just got an email from BlogSnob letting me know that my ad isn't running until I "remove the word porn from [my] ad."

Bwahahaha!

This reminds me of a few semesters ago, when I was TA-ing undergraduate anatomy lab, and someone wrote on my evaluation that I repeatedly used sexual language. Now, if you know me at all, you should find that pretty hilarious. I mean, had there had been a senior superlative for Least Likely to Ever Use Inappropriate Sexual Language, I would have won hands down. The complainer was a horribly uptight and annoying older woman, though, who had such a bad attitude that she had a hard time getting along with the human skeletons in the lab, let alone the other students or me. I'll have to plead guilty to her charge, though, if she's referring to the flarking reproductive system lab, which kind of requires the instructor to use certain anatomical terms! Grief!

Off to revise my terribly inappropriate BlogSnob ad ...

Don't remind me of Cabin By the Lake. Thanks.

Yeah, I'd really prefer it if the cast of Lost would not loot decomposing dead guys at the bottom of the ocean, because that reminds me of Cabin By the Lake, which gives me bad shivers, in case you didn't know.

Also, I used to know a guy named Sayid when I was an undergrad. He lived on the chemistry floor in the science building. No really, he did.

Movies in 30 seconds, plus bunnies.

While earning BlogExplosion credits, I almost always find something that entertains easily-amuseable me. Today it's a link to Angry Alien, where the busy person can watch 30 second clips condensed from famous movies, so you can save 119.5 minutes. Or something like that. And as you probably expected, the clips star animated bunnies. What could be better than that?

Oh yes. Thirty-second clips that star chickens. Or Weebles. But still, pretty entertaining.

(From Failed Success.)

I just got a hit from someone searching Yahoo for "underage girl photography". Eeek. And when I looked to see what result number I was for that search (it's 170 or something, by the way) I ran across another blog on the same result page by a guy named Mark Wallace, except I thought it said Mike Wallace and I was terribly, terribly disturbed, because he's approximately 132 years old.

Hm. I wonder if PornBoy was doing the searching?

That's all for now. I'm going to have to get over this Mike Wallace/underage girl thing. Aaaaaaack.

Here's a gratuitous picture of Scott and me and a tree on Christmas.

Don't look at my fat roll. Actually, maybe you should take one last look at it, because it's back to Weight Watchers for me today. Otherwise I fear that the roll, my giant rear end, and my sausage arms will join forces to become the Adipose Monster That Ate West Virginia (and the Surrounding Tri-State Area). It's been my experience that Weight Watchers prevents that type of thing.

So, good luck to me.

Also, isn't he adorable? Scott, I mean, not the Adipose Monster. It's a good thing he's such a cutie, or else I'd kill him with my bare hands when he does that annoying "face rub" thing. I HATE that!

I've seen some movies. I was going to talk about them, however, Irritable McGrrrrr! (a.k.a. Mom) is putting away the Christmas stuff, and if she happens to notice I'm doing nothing on the computer, I fear that she will place a portion of the Christmas tree in a location where I would really rather it not be.

So.

Watch this space, I'll try again later.

Disclaimer -- Mom is by no means always Irritable McGrrrrrr!. Just when she's been working on something all day, which tends to make her mad, especially if someone in the house happens to be taking a nap.