Okay, did all of the American Idol contestants turn into Muppetized versions of themselves for the Ford pornmercial, or did I just enter an alternate universe? Just checking.

My top 20 blogs

I just ran across this post at Right Wing News via Iowa Voice, and although I've missed the Tuesday deadline for a reciprocal link, I'm still going to do my list. Maybe John will have some pity on my poor little blog, flopping pitifully on the ground with underdeveloped wings, and link me anyway. :-) LaShawn Barber missed the deadline too, but she has a better excuse because she was busy being on MSNBC and stuff.

1. Popgadget - run by my good friend Mia, always interesting.
2. Snarkywood - when these girls are funny, they're very, very funny.
3. Blame Bush
4. Go Fug Yourself
5. IMAO
6. The Superficial - Because You're Ugly
7. The Impulsive Buy
8. Cox & Forkum Editorial Cartoons
9. BlogCritics - I wanna be one of them when I grow up.
10. Michelle Malkin
11. LaShawn Barber
12. Six Meat Buffet - kind of like Evil White Guy, except with meat.
13. Evilwhiteguy's Blog - the first blogroll I was on, I think. So, soft spot in my heart and all of that. He makes me laugh, too.
14. Dave Barry's Blog
15. Serenity Now - my good friend Chris, who is what happens when you take one of my X chromosomes and erase one of the "legs", making it a Y. In other words, a male version of me. He's a funny guy, when HE ACTUALLY POSTS. :-)
16. Insane Troll Logic - visiting Corie's blog makes me feel like I write like a kindergartener. More specificially, a three-time kindergartener.
17. Little Green Footballs
18. Flying Space Monkey Chronicles
19. Mountaineer Musings
20. Townhall.com's Conservative Weblog - maybe I just like them because they have "clog" in their URL. Or maybe not.

American Idol - The 90s

UPDATE (May 15, 2005)
I removed the files of contestants that have already been eliminated, because I'm running out of bandwidth. :-) I could afford to host more files if y'all would refrain from ignoring my shameless begging section in yonder sidebar. :-)

I disappeared for a couple of days, because I was busy rehearsing. See, I learned on Monday morning at about 5:00 A.M. that the role of Girl Who is About to Hurl would be played by me, and I found it difficult to be anything other than horizontal for about 48 hours. Blech. That was a really mean little critter. I still feel weak and generally crappy, but at least I haven't been seeing any meals in reverse lately.

Anyway, on to American Idol. I had a lot of hits last week from people searching for things like "carrie underwood alone mpeg", and since I was recording AI with my capture card anyway, I thought I'd make clips of some of the performances and post the download links. I have to give the people what they want, you know. Unless you're the person who was searching for "Sally Field rear" (no, just no) or "Clay Aiken Waldo" (oh, THE HORROR.) Incidentally, I hope that wasn't the same person, because that would be even more disturbing than they are separately. I didn't bother with clips of people who sang like elephant sedatives (Bo, Jessica, Scott), who made me feel violated (Constantine), or who gratuitously mentioned their professional baseball-playing father (Nikko).

Depending on how the bandwidth goes, I probably won't be able to leave these up very long - I have to stick with the cheap hosting package because everyone seems to be running from my Amazon links like they're a necrotizing strain of Streptococcus or something. Seriously, if you're just using www.amazon.com as your Amazon URL, you can use mine instead - it's much more interesting. And all the cool kids are doing it. Except that they aren't, because Amazon keeps emailing me to tell me how to activate my associate ID - which makes me shout, tearfully, "It IS active! But nobody will use it! Waaaah!"

Okay, contestants.

What kind of exciting footage are they hoping for when they announce the theme to the contestants? Do the producers think someone is going to start cartwheeling around the room going, "The NIIIIINEEEETEEEEESSS! Yaaaaaaay!" Or the opposite - that someone would fitfully start yanking out chunks of their hair, crying, "The NINETES?? Why?? WHY?????" Anyway, I thought that little segment was pointless.

1. Bo Bice - Remedy by The Black Crowes
   If the female judge had been me instead of Pauler, that cute little hat trick would have been nothing but unfortunate. Poor Bo would have stopped singing and been all, "Errrr ... didn't realize your head was so freakishly large. Hm. Awkward." His voice isn't better than anyone else's in the competition - he's just different. And that's about all I have to say about Bo. Oh wait, no it isn't. The 90s were a blur to him? The entire 90s? Like, from January 1990 - December 1999? That's a whole decade, man - and I haven't decided if that means that his drugs were very good or very bad.
2. Jessica Sierra - On the Side of Angels by Leann Rimes
   Meh. She can do better than that - I'm afraid she won't have a chance, though.
3. Anwar Robinson - I Believe I Can Fly by R. Kelly
   He sang the first part of the song through his nose, but the second half was good. Ish. Just good-ish. Please get better, Anwar, because I want to like you.
4. Nadia Turner - I'm the Only One by Melissa Etheridge
   Much better than last week. Actually, though, I didn't pay much attention to her singing last week. I was too busy going, "A mohawk?? Is that MOHAWK??" for the entire 90 seconds.
5. Constantine Maroulis - I Can't Make You Love Me by Bonnie Raitt
   Ew, ew, ew. Stop looking at me like that. Please. Ew. Aside from all of the skeeviness, it was a pretty good vocal performance. Although I'm confused by Paula's comment about it being "[his] best male vocal performance". Huh? He performed as a female and thank goodness I missed it?!?!
6. Nikko Smith - Can We Talk by Tevin Campbell
   I really don't have anything to say about him. His jacket looks very vandalized, and that's about all I've got.
7. Anthony Federov - Something About the Way You Look Tonight
   performance clip ~15MB, please right-click and "save as"
   I love, love, love this song. But you know what? Anthony is an example of the problem with cloning - clones just don't have the lifespan of the original. And unfortunately, I think Clay 2.0 is about to fizzle out. I see he's ditched his glasses and his hair is a little Clay-ed - if he stays around a couple more weeks, we may get to see him look as if he's just fallen face first into a vat of bronzer. Ack. And also, someone needs to explain to Paula what an "opinion" is.
8. Carrie Underwood - Independence Day
   (performance clip ~15MB, right-click and "save as", please)
   Aww, she's just as cute as she can be. She did a great job on a song that I really like, and her hair wasn't ginormous this week, so yay.
9. Scott Savol - One Last Cry by Brian McKnight
   I'm going to have to quote SarahK when she said:

   ... he bores me as much as Ruben Studdard did the last 5 weeks of Clay's season.

   Yep. He's very much a Ruben of a different color, minus the scary, giant tongue, the endless parade of "205" jerseys, and the "don't take my baby away" gesture. Right down to that one facial expression of his. I mean, the only one that he seems to have. Maybe he had an unfortunate incident similar to Clay and the bronzer - maybe he fell face first into a vat of Botox. In conclusion, zzzzzzzz.
10. Vonzell Solomon - I Have Nothing by Whitney Houston
    (performance clip ~16MB, right-click and "save as", please)
    I think she's getting much better. The girls seem to be singing circles around the guys, in my opinion. And she didn't say that she has nothing if she doesn't have "Hugh" - Whitney Houston was always very fond of Hugh (I have nothing if I don't have Hugh, I will always love Hugh, etc.) and it always bugged me.

Nap-deprived Randomness

I am accustomed to a fabulous Sunday post-church nap, but I missed it today, since it was Easter and I have a giant extended family. I mean that there's a lot of them, not that they are actual giants fifteen times the size of a Fraggle. See? This Gorg looks nothing like me. Anyway, I had many people to spend time with today, considering the aforementioned giant family, and the fact that Scott came home after all (awwwwwwwww) and therefore, I'm falling asleep in my chair. But I have a couple of random things to say, which I know millions are clamoring to read. Right? Right? Okay, so I'll assume the millions are all mute. With broken fingers.

1. I can say right now that no matter what I may encounter in medical school, or residency, the most revolting thing I will have ever seen will remain a pickled egg. No doubt. Well, or something to do with an eye, perhaps, because eye stuff freaks me right out.
2. In my Easter basket* (I know I'm old, but shut up, I'm an only child. Please don't add to my complex!) I found season one of DoogieEEEEEEEEE! Howser, MDeeeeEEEEEEEE! So I've been watching them this evening, and I am thoroughly amused by Doogie's off-duty wardrobe of Yo! MTV Raps T-shirts. Heh. The show has also alerted me to a song that I left off of my Super Ultimate, Ginormously Huge 80s Compilation - Channel Z by the B-52s. The horror! How did that happen?
3. I got into an argument with Scott and his brother over the proper use of the word "fellowship". It's a noun, see, but is rampantly used incorrectly in our little country churches as a verb. Drives me slightly bananas, but whatever. So they insisted it could be both. I consulted Webster. Webster agrees with me. And then I observed that 25% of the fights that Scott and I have end with someone getting a dictionary.
4. I hate dialup. Haaaaaaate.
5. Unfortunately, WVU's NCAA run ended Saturday night. It's just as well, because the players had a lot to do back home - swinging from trees, dragging women around by their hair, saying things like "git-r-done" - you know, general Neanderthal-type chores. And you are still not allowed to make fun of West Virginians unless you're actually from here. Okay.

That is all, goodnight.

*It was an Easter PURSE filled with stuff, not an actual basket. If that helps.

Happy Easter!

With what He has done for me, how can I not live for Him?
A Medical Account of the Crucifixion

When Jesus therefore had received the vinegar, he said, It is finished: and he bowed his head, and gave up the ghost (John 19:30).

And the veil of the temple was rent in twain from the top to the bottom. And when the centurion, which stood over against him, saw that he so cried out, and gave up the ghost, he said, Truly this man was the Son of God (Mark 15:38-39).

And the angel answered and said unto the women, Fear not ye: for I know that ye seek Jesus, which was crucified. He is not here: for he is risen, as he said (Matt 28:5-6, 8).

Alleluia!

And congratulations to SarahK and FrankJ (or is that SarahJ?) I can't imagine him asking in a way that wasn't funny, and I hope Donald Rumsfeld shows up at the wedding and goes, "Rarrrrrrr!"

Woo hoo! Yay, West Virginia!

So, West Virginia University moves on to the Elite 8 - yay! I love West Virginia publicity that doesn't focus on someone being senile, crazy, or inbred.

Also, one of the WVU players has a name that I found delightfully amusing - Pittsnogle. Hee, Pittsnogle. Piiiiiittsnogle. Well, it's lost all meaning now, but anyway. Regardless, I'm sure his mother/sister/aunt is very proud. And I mean that she's the same person - hardy har har. I'm a West Virginian, so I'm allowed to do that.

Unfortunately, it appears that part of Morgantown has gone all berserko and destroyed stuff. They're probably all just mad that they don't have shoes, or because someone scraped up the best roadkill before they got to it. And the laughs just don't stop.

A rare serious post

I try to keep my blog light-hearted, because life is serious enough, and I want to be a place where people can read and laugh or at least smile. But because talk radio today was saturated with the Terri Schiavo case (for good reason, it's important) I've done quite a bit of thinking about it, and I'm finding it hard to write about anything else until I put down my thoughts about this.

Maybe I'm on this train of thought because it's Easter weekend, but Terri's condition reminds me of the condition of mankind prior to Christ's time on earth. We were disabled (although spiritually), but because we are created in His image, because we are human beings and therefore have innate worth, regardless of our abilities, He left Heaven so that we may live. It's tragic that every intervention to save Terri's life has been blocked, refused, overruled.

Who gets to decide when another human's life isn't worth living? It's a scary precedent that we set when we allow this to happen. Sure, I wouldn't want to live in her condition. But there's a lot of conditions in which I wouldn't want to live. I wouldn't want to live in poverty, or with an abusive husband, or in a war-torn country. But I'm not demanding that people in these conditions be killed, because I don't get to decide when another person's life isn't worth living anymore. Terri may have lost a majority of her brain function, but her value as a human being is still intact - a person's value comes from what we are, not what we can or can't do.

This "culture of death" that America is steeped in began in 1973 with Roe v. Wade, when a few decided to deny personhood to unborn humans. Then, in the 1980s, the case of Nancy Cruzan (denied food and water, much like Terri) was the first introduction most of us in this country had to euthanasia. Other cases followed, such as Dr. Kevorkian's, and a little doubt began to creep into our collective mind - is it humane to allow the elderly, and terminally ill people, to suffer? Shouldn't we just "send them away peacefully" and let them "die with dignity"? Somewhere during that time, "quality of life" became a physical characteristic, not an innate value.

The problem with denying personhood to the unborn was that it led to denying personhood to the elderly. Then we began denying personhood to newborns, who are now being euthanized in the Netherlands, where adult euthanasia has been legal since the 1980s. What's to stop the groups on both ends of the spectrum from growing ever larger, as some decide that more and more types of people have no quality of life and are drains on society?

Why not go ahead and euthanize all disabled people? Especially children - they're going to be teased and they'll face insurmountable challenges, let's put them out of their misery, even if their parents want to care for them - it's the humane thing to do. When an aging person starts to forget things, put them under before they and their families face the heartbreak to follow. Stop the torment of the insane, who talk to and hear from people who don't exist. And what about people who talk to a God who "doesn't exist"? You're probably thinking, "That's ridiculous, it would never be allowed to happen." But is it? Despite the best efforts by many elected officials, Judge Greer of Florida has allowed a disabled woman to starve, when there is no proof that she would want such a thing.

I am afraid for a society where one human can determine whether another human's life is worth living or not. God set up the institution of government, the duties of which are outlined specifically in Romans, Proverbs, and other Scriptures. The purpose of government is to establish laws, based on God's Law, and to punish those who violate such laws, while rewarding those who do right. In other words, to ensure a just society based on the Law of God. What is going on in Florida right now is anything but just. There has been a cascade of wrongdoing as far as Terri Schiavo is concerned - but after the most important question that we will ever be asked, "Who do you say that I am" (Mark 8:29), we will all answer for the things that we do on this earth. (LaShawn Barber seems to find comfort in this, too.)

Since it seems that no one will rescue Terri, I just pray that she is taken quickly, before she suffers any more than she already has this week.

As always, you're welcome to comment and respectually disagree with me, but if you do, don't you dare say "ANWR". I get so annoyed when I see people compare something that they see as an environmental injustice or an injustice against an animal to the death of a human. Humans and animals just do not have the same value.

I'll be back to lightheartedness tomorrow, I just had to get this out!

Sometimes, being in a long distance relationship sucks. Scott can't come home this weekend, or next weekend either, and I can't go there. And I haven't seen him since February 20th. It's just really hard on me, sometimes. I am so glad it's almost over. The long-distance part, I mean, not the relationship part. I bought Get Here by Oleta Adams from iTunes not long ago, and it makes me cry:

I don't care how you get here
Just get here if you can
There are hills and mountains between us
Always something to get over
If I had my way, surely you would be closer
I need you closer

I have to be careful, though, because the next line is:

You can windsurf into my life

And that makes me think of this:

And then, I really, really wish I hadn't. Ack.

THEN, to beat it all, my American Idol votes didn't count??? For the love of Pete, WHY???? What? I didn't vote? Oh, well, that's okay then.

American Idol top 11 - Billboard #1s

First of all, Bryan at Spare Change says that I inspire him to catch up on his reality TV. Not sure that's exactly what I'd like to inspire people to do, but whatever. And in a comment on that post, songstress says I'm a bright spot in the blogosphere! Me! A bright spot! That makes me happy. On to the fame-seekers:

• Anthony Federov - I Knew You Were Waiting (For Me) by George Michael and Aretha Franklin
  Okay, I love this song anyway - it's on my playlist of Uppers in yonder sidebar. Other things on a list of uppers - Anthony's pants. Seriously, pulled up way too high, dude. I'm worried about chafing in the axillary region. Shall we not do that anymore? Thanks. I had such a problem with his absurdly high waistline that I think I forgot to listen to him. I did notice Pauler clapping like a drunken baby seal at the end, though. Why, WHY hasn't she learned how to clap like a human?
• Carrie Underwood - Alone by Heart
  Well, she's having very unfortunate hair - it looks like an advertisement for Richard Caruso's molecular hairsetter. (Remember those? Back in the 90s? The little steam roller things? I have cheered through many a football and basketball game with a Caruso-ed ponytail, because our sponsor insisted on a CURLY ponytail or a french braid, to avoid anyone having weathered wheat hair.) Anyway, Carrie. I wasn't impressed at first, but she picked up quickly and ended VERY well. Unfortunately, Simon cursed her with the, "You'll sell more records than anyone else who's been in this competition" comment. Now insane Clay fans are going to go buy six seven eight more copies of Clay's album and distribute them to random unsuspecting recipients. You think I'm kidding.

Oh look, it's Donny Osmond. And he brought his teeth, which are disconcerting in a subtle kind of way.

• Scott Savol - Against All Odds by Phil Collins
  The person who taught this guy to dance (specificially, the shift-weight-from-foot-to-foot, accompanied by whatever-you-do-don't-bend-those-knees move) needs to be given a stern talking-to. And there goes his hat. Yaaawwn, that's an old move. Hm, there go his sunglasses (also, why is he wearing sunglasses?) Oh dear, is he disrobing?? Someone make it stop! Think of the children! What about the chirrun? Also, I had written the disrobing comments before Simon mentioned it, so I'm not stealing from him. Scott just BORES me. I can't help it.
• Bo Bice - Time in a Bottle by Jim Croce
  So we're going to see Bo's softer side. Where is that, exactly? Nevermind, I don't want to know. I'm pretty sure I don't want to see it, though, so to be on the safe side, I'll hide in this corner until it's over - someone tell me when I can look. I'll just be listening to this horrible, tinkly background music and zzzzz ...
• Nikko Smith - Incomplete by Sisqo
  Man, they're all wearing seven layers tonight so they can shed them throughout the performance? Was everyone indecisive in wardrobe or something? "Oh, I don't know. I just wear it all!" I think his vocals were really good. And Paula seems to think that Simon was complimenting her, and she mistakenly mauled him. Poor Simon.
• Vonzell Solomon - Best of My Love by The Emotions
  Paula looks rather hilarious in the background. Very nice performance by Vonzell - and for some reason, she's looking less mannish to me. Maybe it's the pink.
• Constantine Maroulis - I Think I Love You by The Partridge Family
  He's added MORE chains for nestling? Is he not listening to me at ALL? I don't know - I'm getting the vibe, "I think I love you, so what am I so afraid of? But you should be afraid, because I'm going to KILL you." And I think he's going to kill using only his voice. Constantine, go away please, if you would.

Eeesh, when Paula isn't clapping like a drunken baby seal, she's playing the role of Gropey von Octopus. She is on some serious drugs tonight.

• Nadia Turner - Time After Time by Cyndi Lauper
  A mohawk? A MOHAWK?? A mohawk. A MOHAWK!!! I usually like her, but that performance was not so good. Also, a MOHAWK???!! I want to pick her up, invert her, and then use her to cut a piece of wood like a buzzsaw.
• Mikalah Gordon - Love Will Lead You Back by Taylor Dayne
  Oh, she is ever so bad. And I don't like the thing around her neck - it looks like one of those feed bags that would be attached to a gawdy, overaccessorized horse. A horse that shaves off its eyebrows and draws them in, and wears too-bright lipstick that is outside the natural lipline. Anyway, Mikalah, it was not like buttah.
• Anwar Robinson - Ain't Nobody by Chaka Khan
  Following Mikalah, he could have whistled Jingle Bells through his nose and sounded good. So it was okay. But Anwar, man - I want to like you, so let's try not to sound like an elephant sedative, okay? I can't appreciate the glory note if you put me to sleep during the first part of the song.
• Jessica Sierra - Total Eclipse of the Heart
  I want to borrow that outfit, except without the bow. And I couldn't wear it to work, because I'd probably get iodine or E. coli or some other crap on it. I like her voice a lot, and that performance was good, but she goofed the words pretty bad.

Corrie, this episode and the top 12 are on a DVD for you, but they're not converted to the veerd yur-a-peein' PAL format. Because I was too lazy. The 24 episodes are veerd-ed, though, and are almost ready for sending. :-)

Randomness ahoy, American Idol talk to follow

While I'm waiting for my ATI card to finish recording House M.D. (LOVE!!) so I can watch tonight's recorded American Idol and make fantastically witty comments on it (ha), I thought I'd take a moment to focus on Doogie (Doogie!) and other random things.

I am so excited about the release of season 1 of Doogie Howser, M.D. on DVD that it's just preposterous. When that show was on (1989, I think) I had three things of note:

1.  Giant bangs
2.  An unfortunate habit of wearing two different-colored shoes on purpose
3.  A ridiculous crush on one Doogie Howser, M.D. Not Neil Patrick Harris, you understand - Doogie. I wanted to be Wanda. As you might have expected, things didn't work out for Doogie and me. I was underage, he didn't exist - it was doomed from the start. Oh well. I still love the show, though. I guess I've always had a thing for science guys. :-)

Which reminds me, Prudent Purl asked the following question, which I answered the other day:

Do you think the head Dr. on House, M.D. is hot? (I do)

*snip* Do you mean Dr. House or one of the other doctors? If it's Dr. House, then yes, yes I do, but I'm not sure why. I think it's the science brain + a sardonic sense of humor. But oh, the horror! I just discovered via IMDb that he was in SPICE WORLD. Aaaaack.

And then, she left me high and dry, not coming back to tell me which doctor she's talking about, and therefore, I don't know whether I'm the only person in the universe who is of the opinion about the title character of that show or not. And I think I might be. I haven't decided yet how I feel about that. Ask me later.

On Valentine's Day weekend, I went to see Scott and we watched Say Anything, which for some reason, I hadn't seen. Scott hadn't seen it either, but I am pretty sure I know the reason behind that. I decided that Ione Skye's character reminded me a lot of myself, except my dad doesn't steal from old people and I don't recall ever being called "gorgeous" or "beautiful" by someone not related to me. What a great movie, though. Why hasn't someone held a gigantic boom box over their head and played In Your Eyes by Peter Gabriel for me? That is the most beautiful song ever, almost.

Because of my vertigo (which is getting better, by the way - I'm still counting non-sequentially in Spanish, but instead of going, "One, two, three, fourteen," I'm skipping less numbers. One, two, three, eight. That type of thing) I missed a weekend with Scott and our nerdy friends. I just didn't feel like being sociable. Boo, though. I don't get to see them that much, and I couldn't stop spinning long enough to spend time with them. Grrr.

Oh look, House is off, so I can watch American Idol now. Here's a lovely parting gift for Corrie, my favorite person from Holland. (Actually, maybe my 2nd favorite. The guy who invented the microscope was a Dutchlandian, and if it hadn't been for him, I may not have a job.) Anyway, some lime green for you, Corrie:

The end.

Float like a butterfly, sting like a ... cat?

My white cat, Lucky, is very territorial, and he has been having these regular sparring matches with another cat who dared set paw on one of Lucky's 30 acres. The offending cat is black, and he and Lucky look like a pair of fighting cartoon cats, rolling all over the place, white fur flying everywhere.

So Lucky showed up yesterday morning looking like this:

Bless his heart, he's a mess. He has a scratched-up eye, bite marks all over the place, and his supposed-to-be-white fur looks like the hair of an old man with bad hygiene. I don't know what we're going to do with him. It's a little ironic that his name is Lucky, isn't it?

Look at my new template! Looooook at it! Loooooook! Isn't it bee-you-ti-ful and springy? I did it all by myself, too. Armed with my SitePoint CSS tutorials, I was bragging all over the place to Mia about my very own CSS and my very own graphics and such, and then, suddenly remembering her graduate degree in computers, I stopped mid-brag and felt like a giant doofus. It was as if she had excitedly sent me an IM* that went something like this: "Kiiiiiim! I just figured out what a cell is! And how it has a nucleus and everything! Well, unless it's one of those single-celled deals that make people barf and ooze and sneeze and stuff. And I think, sometimes, the cells, they split in two!"

*Rereading this post, I read that as "intramuscular injection". And that isn't right at all, considering Mia hardly ever sends me those. I need sleep.

Any thoughts, though? Does this look like a pastel version of someone's rear end? Is it crap? Is it uglier than Mischa Barton's unfortunate outfit, that time she was dressed by a blind chimpanzee with a personal vendetta against her? Let's have it, I can take it.

Because I'm addicted to talk radio as of late, I haven't listened to the local station - Top 40 or Pop or whatever it is - for awhile. Anyway, a couple of weeks ago, I caught a snippet of a catchy song on non-talk radio, which got stuck in my head, and I decided it may be worth 99 cents on iTunes. I had to do a little digging to find out what the song was, and was horrified to discover that it was La-La by ASHLEE SIMPSON.

And then I wanted to die.

By the way, if you have those Pepsi caps lying around, not fulfilling their purpose in life, you can email the codes to me, and I will love you forever. Well, that's a little extreme. I won't love you - I mean, unless I already love you - but I'll do something. Hm. What could I do, to show my sincere gratitude? I know! I'll download a song! For me! Legally! And for free! And it won't be Rico Suave! [small voice] Because it's not available on iTunes. [/sv]

Maybe Gerardo is one of those artists who wants people to buy the entire album, because "it tells a story." I read an anti-digital music interview with Dave Matthews once that said that. Now, I love me some Dave, but pffffffft. His albums tell a story that goes something like this (gather around, chirrun.)

Once upon a time, a guy made a lot of funny noises. The end.

Anyway, I had to fess up about almost buying an Ashlee Simpson song. Urgh. And the shameless begging for iTunes codes worked in rather nicely, didn't it?

Be afraid - be very afraid.

I love the scariness of Dick Cheney. The Onion exposé about Cheney being responsible for the Crystal Lake murders was hilarious - unfortunately, I can't link it because you have to subscribe and I'm too cheap.

I unapologetically stole this graphic from Mad Mikey, who got it from Right Wing News. It originally came from SondraK. I think there's probably way more than 10, though.

This activist judge thing is REALLY out of control.

I'll admit I haven't followed the Terri Schiavo case closely until recently, but let me see if I have today's events right. One unelected judge is able to overrule a subpoena ordered by a body of federal representatives elected by the people, based on a comment that Terri Schiavo supposedly made to her husband, a comment expressing an opinion about which she felt so strongly that she ... never bothered to put it in writing? There is something very wrong with that. If only Terri was affiliated with a terrorist group, maybe some civil liberties advocates would come to her aid.

Andrew McCarthy at National Review Online has an excellent piece about this (via Michelle Malkin).

Dr. Anthony Kiedis and injectable ozone

I saw a rerun of Conan O'Brien the other night with Anthony Kiedis of The Red Hot Chili Peppers as a guest. After I realized that something he said was bloggable and researched it a bit, I discovered that not only was it a rerun, it was a ridiculously old rerun. Oh well. I hadn't seen it.

As it turns out, he's written a book (surprise! Everybody writes a book) in which he chronicles his years of slow motion running in grayscale, drug abuse, and being very very shiny; and his new health regime, which includes ozone injections. Yes, ozone.

As an aside - when I'm drinking out of a plastic bottle of Diet Pepsi (in my quest to collect as many iTunes codes as possible) I squeeze it and put the lid back on, because it keeps it from going flat. Anyway, the carbonation eventually fills out the squeezed part with a loud *pop*, which just happened and I jumped about eight inches out of my chair. Okay.

Back to Anthony and his ozone. So he injects ozone, and do you know why? Because it gets all the "bacteria, viruses and fungus out of your blood." Now, if he had bacteria, viruses, and fungi in his blood, he probably would not be sitting upright in a chair conversing with Conan. Conan observed that this ozone injection practice isn't legal in the United States, and asked Anthony why that is. Helpfully, I offered, "Yes, yes it is illegal - because it's STUPID." But Anthony didn't hear me, and instead wove a complicated yarn about how the eeeeeevil capitalist pharmaceutical industry couldn't possibly want to cure people, because then they won't make any money. So they only publicize 90% of a curing regimen, to keep people alive long enough to pay lots and lots of money, and then they die. Mwahahahaha. Crazy conspiracy theories make me so tired. Or, maybe I have a blood fungus infestation and should go to Canada for an ozone injection.

Ack. I just discovered that my link in yonder sidebar for Blame Bush doesn't point to Liberal Larry's hilarious blog about how Bush is to blame for everything (did you know he killed Saddam's judge?) Instead, it points to an actual "Bush is an evil devil monkey and won't stop until he causes the universe to implode" rant. Well, that's no good. Now I've fixed it to point to http://blamebush.typepad.com, and everyone should go visit to make up for my inadvertant moonbat supportage. Ooops.

Here's an example of the great satire, from March 1st:

When I first read today's horrifying headline "SUPREME COURT BANS DEATH PENALTY FOR YOUTHS!" I nearly plotzed.

"OMIGODDESS! BUSH HAS DONE IT!" I screamed at my confused cat. "THAT FASCIST SHRUB HAS OVERTURNED ROE V. WADE!"

But after reading further, I breathed a deep sigh of relief. Thankfully, the court ruling only applies to youths who have committed horrible, ghastly crimes - usually through no fault of their own. Womyn can still purge their bodies of intestinal parasites without the Ashcroft Gestapo hauling them off to Gitmo.

For now, anyway.

As with the Terri Schiavo case, this may just be another Bush plot to slowly chip away at a Woman's Right to Choose. Now that his conservative-packed Supreme Court has ruled that executing teenagers is "cruel and usual punishment", it'll be all to easy for them to slowly lower the bar. Today, it's teenagers. Tomorrow they'll be insisting it's "cruel and unusual" to slowly drown your five kids in a bathtub - rather than merely a symptom of post-partum depression. Then before you know it, we'll be right back in the dark ages of the 1950's when abortion wasn't lauded as a noble feminist statement against male hegemony.

I adore that guy.

Also, what on earth kind of craziness is this? "Easter Bunny" is too religious (actually, when they say "religious" they mean "Christian") and intolerant! The giant hare that parents force their crying, horrified children to be photographed with should be referred to as the Non-Specific Rabbit, or No Bunny in Particular, to avoid spewing such evil hate speech as "Easter Bunny". Good grief.

American Idol Top 12

I missed Jessica Sierra and I only heard Anwar's last note. Anwar looked good, but he may have sounded like crap on a cracker - I have no idea. The recap clips at the end were good for both, though, especially Anwar. Anyway.

• Mikalah Gordon - Son of a Preacher Man by Dusty Springfield
  See, she just annoys me. It sounded like she sang out of her nose. And she reminds me of Mike Myers's SNL character Linda Richman of Coffee Talk. You know, the one who says that everything is like buttah, and gets verklempt over Barbra Streisand despite her idiotic foreign policy declarations.
• Constantine Maroulis - You've Made Me So Very Happy by ... I don't know. Blood Sweat and Tears, maybe?
  Voice sounds MUCH better, there's still altogether too much ch*st ha*r (I'm afraid typing that too much makes it come to life. You know, like Beetlejuice) and dude just skeezed all over the stage. Ew. Oh look, Constantine just turned Simon into a giggly mess. That was a little creepy. Did Ryan just say that he needs heels when he stands beside Constantine? Ack. That's also creepy, and a very unfortunate mental image. By the way, the four-year-old mini-Constantine in the audience just did a great set of devil horns.
• Lindsey Cardinale - Knock on Wood by Eddie Floyd
  Hey, I remember this song, Kimberly Caldwell shouted it at us in American Idol 2. As for Lindsey, it was boring and forgettable.
• Anthony Federov - Breaking Up is Hard to Do, Neil Sedaka's lullaby version
  Sounded good, but he could have picked a much better song. C'mon man, pick more interesting songs because I like your voice - or else, I may actually have a reason to want to smack him on the back of the head. You know what I think it is? I think I want to smack him just to see if I could knock him down, because I think I could.
• Nadia Turner - You Don't Have to Say You Love Me by Dusty Springfield
  She might be my favorite female singer. But she has a Tina Turner mouth - actually, an Angela Bassett as Tina Turner mouth.
• Bo Bice - Spinning Wheel by Blood, Sweat and Tears
  Someone should tell him that he can take the microphone out of the stand - he doesn't have to carry the entire stand all over the place. Or maybe that's a rocker thing, carrying stuff. I thought his voice was better tonight - maybe the larger venue suits he and Constantine better than the small one.
• Vonzell Solomon - Anyone Who Had a Heart by ...? Dusty Springfield? Cilla Black?
  Sounded good, but her stage movements are weird and jerky - it was like watching American Idol/UCA Cheerleading Championships. Also, was that R. Kelly in her family & friends section?
• Scott Savol - Ain't Too Proud to Beg by The Temptations
  Heh, I caught a glimpse of Nigel Lythgoe awkwardly rocking out in the audience. That was a good performance, I was pleasantly surprised. Scott's, not Nigel's. Is it me, or does he only have one facial expression?
• Carrie Underwood - When Will I Be Loved by The Everly Brothers
  That sounded completely out of tune, or it could be that I'm an idiot.
• Nikko Smith - I Want You Back by The Jackson 5
  Hey, his beef jerky hat is back. Well, briefly - long enough for him to throw it. This is one of those songs that when I hear it, I must dance. Those flashing squares in the background are going to give me a seizure. And I'm very sorry that a small rodent has been gnawing on his lapel. Unfortunately, though, Simon is right - he just sounded average.

Oh look, it's Nina on House M.D. Scott would be enthused by that. The end.

Now see, that is exactly why I can't watch 24 until I buy the entire season on DVD. What do you mean I have to wait until next week to see what happens? What is going to happen??? Whaaaaaat?????

Also, I still think Tony's face is crooked. Sorry Mia.

Also, was that Eric Stoltz?

Also, am I ever going to stop being dizzy? Ever? Or am I destined to feel like I'm spinning forever and ever? A new development with my dizziness is a taste in my mouth that makes me think I've eaten metallic cotton balls, but I'm pretty sure I'd recall doing something like that. I think I'll finally have to break down and call my doctor tomorrow.

Also, why can't I find an edited mp3 of Liz Phair's Why Can't I? Heh, lookit that sentence there. I said "why can't I" twice. The queries I have been using end up entertaining me - "why can't I clean", "why can't I edit", that type of thing. I like the song but there's a particular word in it that isn't necessary.

Also, look! It's Justin Timberlake dressed as a giant omelette! And he dances! With freakishly large poufy hands! The mpeg file is about 45MB - right-click and "save as" - please don't stream the video off of my server or I'll have to kill you and make it look like an accident. But since I'm spinning wildly, I'll probably blindly swing at an object about a foot away from your head. And then I'll probably fall down. So you're not in any real danger, but right-click and "save as" anyway.

Bring it on in to Omeletteville-ah!

UPDATE (May 19, 2005)
I removed the file, because I'm running out of bandwidth. :-) I'll put it back up around the beginning of June, when my bandwidth starts anew. :-) I could afford to host more files if y'all would refrain from ignoring my shameless begging section in yonder sidebar. :-)

UPDATE (June 17, 2005)
File is back. :-)

UPDATE (July 21, 2005) - File is removed again - my bandwidth is getting too close to the limit! I'll put it back near the beginning of August.

UPDATE (August 7, 2005)
File is back. :-)

UPDATE (December 1, 2005)
I've added a larger version of the file, for those of you on a high-speed connection that need to see the Justin omelet in better quality - it's here. The larger version is 112MB.

Not-so-instant replay of Fonzie's shark jump

I love Arrested Development. So wonderfully quirky - in a good way, not in a greasy and antisocial way like Napoleon DynaMEH. Last night, Henry Winkler did another famous shark jump. If you're not familiar with "jumping the shark", it refers to a moment when a TV show has peaked creatively and starts going downhill. It gets its name from the moment when Happy Days started to plummet - when Fonzie jumps over a shark on skis.

Here's a list of the shark moments from shows that have made such a "jump" - Jump the Shark

And here is a wee little 45-second clip from Arrested Development last night, featuring Henry Winkler's jump and some talk of a one-flippered seal that swims around in circles.

I love when people (Henry Winkler, I'm looking at you!) can make fun of themselves. (~7.5MB, right-click and save as)

Interview With a Non-Vampire

I ran across this little "interview invitation" at Prudent Purl (via Blogs For Bush / GOP Bloggers) and thought it may be entertaining. It's also a way to finagle a few extra hits to my lonely blog - see, when it's lonely, it loses all ability to discern portion sizes, makes reckless decisions, and then gets depressed.

It's taken me forever to answer the questions, though, because in one of the questions, Ms. Prudent Purl said I was funny. Therefore, I was under tremendous pressure to answer them in an amusing manner. I've decided if I wait until I am able to do that, then it will be 2009 and I'll be too busy finishing up medical school. The questions may be irrevelant by that point as well. So, here's an introduction to what on earth I'm talking about, along with the questions and my answers:

I'll offer to interview the next four people to respond to this post that will do the following:

1. Leave me a comment that says you want to be interviewed.
   
2. I'll respond by asking you five questions here. They will be different questions than the ones below.
   
3. You will update YOUR blog with the answers to the questions.
   
4. You will include this explanation and an offer to interview someone else in the same post.
   
5. When others comment asking to be interviewed, you will ask them five questions.

And here's my questions from Prudent Purl:

Before I get to the questions, however, I would like to ask Kim how she found my blog since she has stated she doesn't knit. (It's on my paper route.)

1. I read on your profile that you like to run. Have you ever ran a marathon? If not, would you like to?
   I haven't ran in a marathon, but I ran in a couple of 5Ks with my dad. You know, back when I was more motivated and didn't have the unfortunate trifecta of sausage arms, a belly roll and a giant rear end to weigh me down. I'm actually feeling the motivation come back, though. It tends to do that when spring nears - I much prefer running outside to a treadmill. I'd like to run one someday, though. And when I do, I'd better be on the cover of everything like Oprah was.
2. Reading your profile I died laughing. From whom in your family did you get your sense of humor?
   I got it from my dad - I was six and I spirited it away while he was taking a nap. Mwahahaha! Just kidding. Actually, I don't know. I think I decided that if I can't be beautiful (I can fix the sausage arms but I'm stuck with my freakishly large head and my linebacker shoulders) then I'd do well in school and also attempt to be funny. I don't think anybody in my real life actually thinks of me as funny, though. I get a lot of strange looks. Also, sorry I killed you.
3. Do you think the head Dr. on House, M.D. is hot? (I do)
   Look everyone! I'm receiving communication from the dead! Anyway, re: House, M.D. - do you mean Dr. House or one of the other doctors? If it's Dr. House, then yes, yes I do, but I'm not sure why. I think it's the science brain + a sardonic sense of humor. But oh, the horror! I just discovered via IMDb that he was in SPICE WORLD. Aaaaack.
4. How long have you been blogging?
   Since August 2005.
5. Do you have a specific field of medicine you want to go into?
   I really don't know - I like infectious diseases, but I think that's because I know more about that than anything else, such as cardiology or gastroenterology or something like that. So I don't know. I'll just have to see what grabs me. I think endocrinology would be pretty profitable in the area where I live (and where I hope I can continue to live.) See, us West Virginians won't stop shoveling food into our faces and we also live on the couch, surrounded by Twinkies, small piles of Cheetos, and 17 remote controls, which is why everybody is diabetic.

The End. Sorry I don't have a sordid past or a whirlwind marriage that could have been brought up in the interview.

Leave me a comment if you want some questions! I promise I won't use Katie Couric's interviewing style (you know, awkward flirting.)

Infamous West Virginians - Senile Senators, Lawless Lottery Winners, and Scary Teachers

Well, at least Senator Byrd's appearance on Hannity & Colmes last night didn't make him look any more rambling and incoherent than usual. Except for maybe this:

COLMES: You quoted historian Alan Bullock who wrote about Hitler's dictatorship resting on the foundation of a single law, the enabling act. The Republicans kind of went crazy and said, oh, you compared Bush to Hitler, you compared him to the Nazis, you invoked Hitler on the floor of the Senate. What did they misunderstand about that?

BYRD: I invoked history. I was putting it as a historian. What is this all about? I pay no attention to the flies, the gnats, the little bug bites. I keep my eyes on the ball. This is about freedom of speech. Men have lived and died for and shed their blood for centuries for that right to speak, to speak out, to speak out against the king, as it were.

Flies, gnats, little bug bites? Uh, what?

And at the end of a discussion regarding his previous KKK membership (which turns out to be okay, because it was in 1872, or something) he said something very true:

I tell you frankly, I have done my best to do the right thing. The people of West Virginia know that. They know the history. And they put it aside. They continue to return me. I was wrong, as many young men are wrong today, even when they join groups. That's all in the past. (emphasis added)

Yes, we do continue to return him - even after he dies, I expect he'll continue to be elected and they'll prop him up on the floor of the Senate, like Weekend at Byrdie's or some such thing.

I thought the most striking thing about the interview was how freaking much the senator looks like Yoda. Seriously, is it just me?

I wish West Virginia would get some good publicity for a change. We have Jack Whittaker, who won a $314.9 million Powerball jackpot on Christmas Day 2002, and will not stop getting robbed, sued, arrested for DUI, re-arrested for DUI, etc.

Maybe he wouldn't have so many problems with theft if he'd stop carrying around over $100,000 in cash. And maybe he wouldn't have so many problems with chewing his food if he would invest in some teeth.

And then, of course, we have Toni Woods, the Braxton County teacher charged with being scarily inappropriate with some boys. That were on the middle school wrestling team. Of which she was the ASSISTANT COACH.

I just don't have room to say "WHY???" as many times as I feel is necessary. And notice that she's from "Strange Creek" which is pretty amusing.

Scott is funny!

As I've mentioned previously, my boyfriend Scott is a wonderfully nerdy science guy, who may or may not have turned himself into a supervillian with a lab experiment gone awry.

He also makes me laugh, too, because he has a quick wit. A couple of nights ago, he and I were talking on AIM, and he was doing some job searching. So I told him I'd leave him alone, but I wanted to know what keywords he was using in his searches (whether it was just "chemist" or if he was being more specific to his particular area of chemistry - I thought he'd have more luck if he was more general.) Here's that portion of the conversation:

Kim [10:59 PM]: One more question - what keywords are you using?
Scott [11:00 PM]: stripper, sexy, exotic
Kim [11:00 PM]: Ha. You're a funny guy.
Kim [11:00 PM]: Don't forget "hairy".

Hee.

In other news, I'm almost ready to move my posts to WordPress. Yippeeeeee! And I have a loverly new template, too, which I actually managed to design myself. I looked at some of the designers, like Web Divas and E.Webscapes, and decided, "No way will I pay someone to design my template - why, I'll just spend 582 hours figuring it out myself!" Yeah. I probably should have just paid someone, heh. At any rate, my family has forgotten what my face looks like - they think I look like this:

I'll unveil the new stuff in a day or two with a dramatic flourish, and there had better be much oohing and aahing. Otherwise, I might cry.

I know everyone is sorely disappointed that I didn't blather on about the girls' performances on American Idol Tuesday night. I didn't get home in time to watch it, and still haven't. Oh well.

House MD: approximately 44 science-filled and sarcastic minutes. Great stuff.

I'm wildly entertained by House, M.D., which is new this season on Fox. I like medical-type shows anyway, and this one seems a little more science-y than ER, from what I've seen so far. Yay science! I mean, last week, they discussed leprosy, cutaneous/pulmonary anthrax, leishmaniasis, and filariasis in the same episode?? That adds up to one fine hour of television, at least for an I'd-be-done-with-my-thesis-in-a-week-if-I'd-just-work-on-the-flarking-thing-almost-M.S.-degreed microbiology sort like me.

I do have one problem, though, and ER is guilty of this one too. I can't believe that on both of these shows, which surely have technical advisors, someone prescribed antibiotics for tertiary syphilis. For the love of rapid plasma reagin, stop prescribing antibiotics for tertiary syphilis! There's not even an organism present at that stage. Prescribing Reese's Pieces would do the same amount of good (just as long as they're not taken nasally, because that doesn't turn out very well, trust me.) Michael Crichton, where are you when we need you? Oh that's right, off writing interesting books about fake global warming and scary environmentalists.

I also adore Hugh Laurie's character's attitude. I hope I end up with a wonderfully sardonic boss like Dr. House, just to amuse me. He's more fun than a barrel of tapeworms. (Quotes from IMDb.)

Dr. Taylor Foreman: I think your argument is specious.
Dr. Gregory House: I think your tie is ugly.

Dr. Wilson: That smugness of yours really is an attractive quality.
Dr. House: Thank you. It was either that or get my hair highlighted. Smugness is easier to maintain.

Dr. House: Page Dr. Occam, he'll want to hear about this.

Intern: [trying to tell an uninterested House a patient's history] You're reading a comic book.
Dr. House: You're drawing attention to your bosom by wearing a low-cut top.
[Intern covers her chest with her clipboard].
Dr. House: Oh, sorry, I thought we were having a "state-the-obvious" contest.

Dr. House: You're going to rip something, which, speaking medically, is when the fun stops.

Heh.

American Idol Guys - Round 3

1. Scott Savol - I Can't Help Myself by The Four Tops
   I love this song. I did not love his version. I would love for him to go away. Please go away!
   
2. Bo Bice / Blow Thrice / Ho Mice / Throw Dice / Flow Nice - I'll Be by Edwin McCain
   Sorry about that up there, something about this guy turns me into Fezzig and I must rhyme. I can't help it. Look, it's Bizarro Edwin McCain! That's all.
   
3. Anthony Federov - I've Got You by Marc Anthony
   Vocals were strong, he has a Clay-like voice and therefore I like it, but the song choice was not so good. And he should not dance, ever, anymore. Should not. Ever. And I still want to sneak up behind him and smack him on the back of the head. I don't know why. That reminds me - last week, I said that I know someone in my real life that I just want to slap for some reason. It's not that they annoy me at all. Anyway, just so you know, it's not you. It's not you either.
   
4. Nikko Smith (or, Nikko Fedora-off? Heh heh heh. Look at me, I'm so funny.) - Georgia On My Mind by Ray Charles
   When he took off his beef jerky hat, I was afraid that he would then saw off the top of his head, so that we could see that Georgia was, indeed, on his mind. That was the only reason to take off the hat that I could think of, except that it looked kind of interesting hanging beside him on the microphone stand. I think he and Anthony made their own "buy one, get one free" deal at LensCrafters by sharing one pair of glasses. Randy's are also similar. Hmm - I only wear glasses at night when I take my contacts out, but still, someone with a giant face like mine can't wear wee little glasses like that. If that's what all the kids are wearing these days, I guess I'll have to be uncool. Back to Nikko - smooth, dude. I liked it. And finally, I wonder which family member suggested last week's Marvin Gaye song? Nikko's grandmother?
   
5. Travis Tucker - Every Little Step by Bobby Brown
   I feel like I'm watching an episode of Kids Incorporated and heyyyyy, he ended with the famous pointy pose! (I miss Shack.) But Travis is a cutie-patootie and I like him. And he didn't say, "it blows my mind that you would even talk to MAY", like Bobby Brown does. That's good, because I hate that. (I'm sure Justin Timberlake will be crushed when he finds out this bit of information, because he does it as well.) "Maye" is my grandmother, "me" is an objective personal pronoun. Which one makes more sense in this situation?
   
6. Mario Vasquez - How Can You Mend a Broken Heart by The BeeGees
   I started to nod off at the beginning, but then it got better. I think it's just because I'm not a big fan of this song. And possibly because with this song comes an mental image of Ruben Studdard's giant tongue.
   
7. Constantine Maroulis - Every Little Thing She Does Is Magic
   Ack. That was NOT magic. That was the kind of magic that happens when the magician skips every other class in magician school and ends up really sawing someone in half. Also, dear Randy & Paula - when someone doesn't sound/look like Sting, that is actually the definition of a "bad impersonation of Sting". If he sounded/looked like Sting, that would be a GOOD impression of Sting. Make sense now? Thank goodness for Simon, I was beginning to think Paula & Randy were deaf. And I won't even mention the c**st ha*r and the chain. Ew. At least I didn't have to see two displays of that tonight, thanks to the voting off of Joe Murena, the other contestant who holds a degree in How Not to Button Stuff from The Tom Jones School of Skeeziness.
   
8. Anwar don't-type-Sadat-don't-type-Sadat-don't-type-Sadat Robinson - What a Wonderful World
   Wow, very good. I think this top 12 will be much better than last season's, which I was not interested in at all. That's a great outfit for him, too. I hope he's in the competition long enough for me to figure out who he reminds me of. The only thing missing from that performance was the little cartoon bluebird that should have gone twittering by.
   

Huh, I guess whoever caught Travis's hat gave it back, because he was wearing it at the end. It's too bad Nikko didn't throw his hat, because it would have made a nice little mid-show snack for someone. Looked like pretty good jerky.

Edited because I got poor Anthony's song wrong. Ooops. Sorry that I had you singing Richard Marx twice!

I get sadly excited about my blog statistics sometimes, and so, I check them a couple of times a day to see how many of y'all there are, and where you're coming from. Yesterday morning, I saw this:

I wondered if dear old Senator Robert C. Byrd does some Googling on a regular basis, and discovered my post on Friday? (That sounds disgusting, but I can't figure out another way to say it. You know what I mean!) Or, maybe that's in the job description of one of this staffers. Ack. Monica? Monica?

At any rate, everybody wave at Sen. Byrd, just in case!

Hold your head up, you silly girl!

See you later, Martha! It's been nice having you. Don't forget to write. And congratulations on managing to escape the state before we changed your name to Robert C. Byrd. We really like naming everything "Robert C. Byrd", you understand.

Speaking of Robert C. Byrd, I wish he'd refrain from saying stupid things. I appreciate all the money that he's funneled into our state, but I don't appreciate the comparison of the Congress GOP to Nazis for their attempts to stop filibustering and delay tactics (what's with all the flippant comparison to Hitler lately, anyway? Bush is Hitler, Fox News is Hitler, Rupert Murdoch is Hitler, and so on. Doesn't anyone remember what a monster Hitler really was? Just because someone's philosophy doesn't match yours, it doesn't mean that they equal Hitler.)

It turns out that it's an especially stupid comparison for Byrd to make - Senator John Cornyn (R-TX) has pointed out that Byrd has supported putting a stop to filibusters himself. You represent all West Virginians, Senator Byrd - please think about that before you make such reckless comparisons! And you're approximately 431 years old - have you considered retirement? I hear it's pretty cool - you can play golf and all of that stuff, maybe work part-time as a Walmart greeter. Just a thought.

Hat tips: Captain's Quarters & Rush

Squeeeee! It's a repeat of the Justin Timberlake SNL from last year on E!. This was refreshingly hilarious - from the Ashton (AWESOME!) Kutcher Punkd spoof, to "Bring it on to Omeletville!" and the giant hands. Justin brought some much needed funny to SNL, but I still think Fred Armisen is so horrible that he'll singlehandedly bring down the show. Horrible, horrible. CoFlapper, Mr. CoFlapper, and CoFlapper's Brother know that just saying, "Fred Armi-" to me is enough to make me go, "RARRRRRRRRR!" Horrible. HARRIBLE.

But Justin? Very surprisingly funny. Particularly when he's dressed as an omelet with elephantiasis-ed hands.

I'm waaaaaay behind on The O.C.

<---- I Wish I Was As Wonderful As Scott

I adore Seth Cohen and his eurekas. I would love them even more if I could quote them exactly after hearing them once.

Seth: "Eureka! Can't believe I just said 'Eureka', but - my grand romantic gesture will be - I'll take her for a ride on the Summer Breeze."

Ryan: "But you sold the Summer Breeze for Buster." <--- whatever that means, I skipped a few episodes

Seth: *thinks* "Eureka! I will buy back the Summer Breeze."

Heh.

Also, don't do it, Sandy! Do not do it!

I'm rarely home in time for prime time TV, see. So when I am, it's a nice treat. I was thoroughly confused with the 8:00 episode - I was like, "Luke and Julie, and Hailey's working as an exotic dancer - wait, they're redoing the exact same storylines this season? Weird. Kind of like The O.C. crashed into Groundhog Day, but whatever." And then I realized - it IS a first season episode! Ooops. I guess I didn't watch it very closely the first time.

Aaaaand, this is last week's O.C. repeating again this week, isn't it? It's either that, or my cousin (I'll call her CoFlapper) is psychic, because she told me about that "Marissa and Alex are no longer welcome in the red states" line last Friday. Oh well. I'll catch up when the Season 2 DVDs come out.

I am not commonly confused! Or a confused commoner! Or a confuser of commoners! Or a common confuser!

I found this Commonly Confused Words test on sisu's blog, and of course I couldn't resist because, geekily enough, I'm a big fan of dictionaries and grammar books and vocabulary and such.

Check out my results - beat THAT, suckers!

You scored 100% Beginner, 100% Intermediate, 100% Advanced, and 66% Expert!

You have an extremely good understanding of beginner, intermediate, and advanced level commonly confused English words, getting at least 75% of each of these three levels' questions correct. This is an exceptional score. Remember, these are commonly confused English words, which means most people don't use them properly. You got an extremely respectable score. Thank you so much for taking my test. I hope you enjoyed it!

Test statistics:

Compared to users who took the test and are and in your age group:

• 100% had lower Beginner scores.
  
• 100% had lower Intermediate scores.
  
• 100% had lower Advanced scores.
  
• 100% had lower Expert scores.

Boo-yah! I think I would have done better on the expert section, but it was the last section - questions 31-40 - and I was trying to hurry and finish, so I didn't think about them much.

Take it yourself and see if you're as brilliant as me. Ha.

The Commonly Confused Words Test
http://www.okcupid.com/tests/take?testid=14457200288064322170

Mia, let me know how you do. Yeah, like you're not going to take it - riiiiiight. If you don't beat me, I'll post our rankle/heckle/hackle conversation. That was so wonderfully nerdy. Oh, and Mia, one of the questions was the age-old "blah blah blah verb so-and-so and I" or "blah blah blah verb so-and-so and me" question. Clay Aiken used to screw that one up ("I would totally win in a fight between Ruben and I" or "Except on certain scary message boards, there is no relationship between Ryan Seacrest and I") and it made Mia and me (see? See how easy that is?) want to kill him and make it look like an accident. That is all.

Just the punch lines

As an undergraduate, I joined my school's chapter of Alpha Chi Sigma, a professional chemistry fraternity. I get a publication with fraternity news called The Hexagon, and my favorite page of The Hexagon is the last page, the humor page, called Hot Retorts.

Several issues ago, the editors paid homage to former Grand Editor James Miller and his long-time "Hot Retorts" editor George W. Irving, Jr. by reprinting some items from the 1970s. One section in particular amused me, and I wanted to share:

Only the Punch Lines (various issues, you fill in the rest)

• "No," the giggling one replied, "but he's feeling mine."
• Madam: "That may be, doctor, but I don't like it and neither does his wife."
• "Well," she demurely replied, "When you said I do, you should have said I used to."
• "What," exclaimed the judge. "All twelve of you?"
• "Remember," said the medic, "flies spread disease. Let's keep ours closed."
• " ... he defined an Assistant Dean as a moose in training to be a rat."
• "Not exactly, I was thinking of something that would weaken my conscience."

Anyone care to complete any of these?

American Idol - Girls (week 2) - I probably could have been more humorous. Sorry.

1. Aloha Micheaux - You Don't Know My Name (Alicia Keys)
   Eh, I thought the judges were too harsh. She did parrot Alicia Keys, but she sounded good doing it. If she manages to stay in long enough to develop a unique style, I think she'll be okay. But PLEASE, get rid of that flower. It reminds me of last season's Aloha Kitty (tm Mia, IIRC).
   
2. Lindsey Cardinale - I Try to Think About Elvis (Patty Loveless)
   Bad song choice for American Idol - she was in Nashville Star mode. I don't think country songs work for American Idol if they're TOO country. She needs to work on her stage presence too. Also, is that Fran Drescher in the audience?
   
3. Jessica Sierra - Broken Wing (Martina McBride)
   Very good performance - of course, I like that song anyway. I like to sing it too, but only in my car, by myself. Anything else could be classified as noise pollution. Is it just me, or does she look a little like Britney Spears + several pounds + vocal talent?

   I like that State Farm commercial where the woman runs over the guy's foot. It looks like something I'd do. If I'm manuevering in or out of a parking spot, and Scott happens to be with me, I'll enlist his help and say, "Am I going to hit that car over there?" You know, so that I don't have to exert the extraordinary effort to turn my head to the other side. His helpful answer is, "Probably." Heh.
   

4. Mikalah Gordon - God Bless the Child (Billie Holiday)
   Huh. Interesting song choice. Simon totally loves her. I was watching again with Mom tonight, and she observed, "They love her - they'd love her even if she sang, 'Shoot, shoot, shoot.'" I said, "Uh, is that a song?" She said, "No, I just made it up." Anyway, Mikalah is original, I'll give her that. But it gets on my nerves when the judges are so obvious about liking someone so much.
   
5. Celena Rae - When the Lights Go Down (Faith Hill)
   This is another song that I like to sing. I think she did better than the judges gave her credit for - I also think she's really pretty. She looks like a prettier, non-skanky version of Brittany Murphy.
   
6. Nadia Turner - My Love (Paul McCartney)
   Another interesting song choice for the evening. I wasn't wild about it - it sounded like one of Ruben's lyrically-complicated songs from season 2. You know, like the one that went something like, "Oooooh, baby, bayyyyyybeehhhhh, ooooooh." I do like her voice, though. Also, Paula? "Married to that risk?" C'mon, and you were sounding so sober too.
   
7. Amanda Avila - Turn the Beat Around
   I'm always impressed when someone can sing the lyrics of this song correctly. She didn't bleat it like Caaaarmen, which was good. And there was no pole-less pole dance, which was also good. It reminded me of this one time? At band camp? When we played Turn the Beat Around by Gloria Estefan? And we had a soprano sax soloist who thought she was Kenny G? And every time I hear that song now, I hear it like this: "Turn the beat around ... brrrrrreeeeeeEEEEEE!!!!" because she did all these big long runs? And it was SO ANNOYING. (If that seems familiar, it's because I stole it from a previous post. Hey, it was applicable.)
   
8. Janay Castine - Hit 'Em Up Style (Oops!) by Blu Cantrell
   You're right, Simon, she DOES look like she's watching a horror movie! Well, certain horror movies. Not The Blair Witch Project, in which case she'd be more likely to look puzzled. And not The Ring, in which case she'd probably be asleep. Anyway, I thought the song choice was bad. And I thought her shirt was very bad. I think she'll be gone tomorrow.
   
9. Carrie Underwood - Piece of My Heart (Janis Joplin)
   Awww, she's so cute. But she's too freshly scrubbed-looking to pull off an edgy-sounding song like that. (Faith Hill? Are you listening?) The first time I heard Piece of My Heart, I thought it was Axl Rose. Just a little tidbit there. Anyway, I think she's safe for another week at least. While she was singing, Mom said, "I think there's something wrong with the TV - it looks like everyone has holes in their clothes." These darn kids and their music.
   
10. Vonzell whatever-her-last-name-is-I-don't-remember-and-I'm-too-lazy-to-look-it-up - If I Ain't Got You (Alicia Keys)
    She DID oversing it at the end. And I think she's a man, baby. She just looks mannish. And have you seen her feet? They're flipping huge! I think she may be gone tomorrow too.