Okay, SERIOUSLY.

I'm losing patience with y'all. I'm trying to send someone stuff, and nobody's paying attention. Everybody just shows up searching for "controversial songs expressing Clay Aiken's opinion" (huh?) and takes no notice of the counter. And do you know what it's done to me? It's made me bored with the whole idea. So here's what we'll do.

Check the counter - if it's close to 55,000 (and I mean close - not like, 54,625) send me a screencap*, and if you're the closest, I am going to send you something, darn it all. I promise it won't be my pancreas, or anything else gross. Although I would like to get rid of my stupid and evil pancreas.

Do you know what else? When we have group discussions for one class or the other, I always leave feeling like a complete idiot. I just felt like sharing.

And something else? After tests, there are people who get together and play some sport or another and then there's a group that goes drinking. Well, I do neither of those things. I wish there was a third group that would go to dinner or a movie or something post-test - you know, something that's fun and relaxing that doesn't involve being drunk or me throwing a ball backwards. (When it's supposed to go forward. Because that's what I do - I throw stuff backwards. Like rocks. Just ask my cousin Jonathan - if you're lucky, he'll point to his fractured skull.) That's all.

*I've said this before but I'll say it again - to do a screencap, hold down "ctrl" and "print screen" on the keyboard, then open Microsoft Word or an image editor or something - or maybe even an email, depending on your email client - and then hold down "ctrl" and "v". Then, off it goes.

Ewwwww!

Okay, this? Is seriously disturbing me. And yet, I can't stop reading these testimonials - with a look of horror firmly affixed to my face, of course. It's like a train wreck - I can't look away. I think "Dr. Natura" is one of those fake scientists, like that scary "Greatest Vitamin in the World" guy and his SO FOR REAL SCIENTIST from the infomercials. Those guys just annoy me, but this Dr. Natura making people examine their excrement for parasites is just creepy. I mean, there are people who are convinced that they are infested with parasites. This "doctor" is surely fueling that fire.

These testimonals actually say things like, "We are having awesome adventures in the bathroom!" Ack.

Back to reading ...

American Idol clips

Here's performance clips (mpegs) from Queen week and from the "Great American Songbook" week with Rod Stewart. (Ryan, don't be scared.) And with that I mean almost-25%-Dr. Ryan, not Ryan Seacrest. Just a clarification. Almost-25%-Dr. Ryan doesn't have a scary tan, nor does he awkwardly flirt with Simon Cowell. At least, not that I know of.

But at any rate, here are the clips - as usual, please right-click and "save as" instead of left-clicking and wasting my bandwidth. Thanks. :-)

Ace Young - We Will Rock You, That's All
We Will Rock You (Queen)
That's All

Bucky Covington - Fat-Bottomed Girls
Fat-Bottomed Girls (Queen)

Chris Daughtry - Innuendo, What A Wonderful World
Innuendo (Queen)
What A Wonderful World

Elliott Yamin - Somebody to Love, It Had To Be You
Somebody to Love (Queen)
It Had To Be You

Katharine McPhee - Who Wants To Live Forever, Someone To Watch Over Me
Who Wants to Live Forever (Queen)
Someone to Watch Over Me

Kellie Pickler - Bohemian Rhapsody; Bewitched, Bothered, Bewildered
Bohemian Rhapsody (Queen)
Bewitched, Bothered, Bewildered

Paris Bennett - The Show Must Go On, Foolish Things
The Show Must Go On (Queen)
Foolish Things

Taylor Hicks - Crazy Little Thing Called Love (I first typed 'Crazy Little Thing Called Taylor'. Heh.) & You Send Me
Crazy Little Thing Called Love (Queen)
You Send Me

Relay for Life

So, Friday night (tomorrow) is our university's Relay for Life for the American Cancer Society, and the medical school has a team, so I'm participating. One of the ideas of the whole operation is to collect donations for the ACS, so I thought I'd post my donation link, if any of y'all are so inclined. And if you can spare it, of course - unlike Jami Gertz's character on Seinfeld, who can't spare stuff. So if you want to make a donation (no matter how wee), just go here.

Thanks. :-) It's for a good cause and all - it's not like buying rouge for Ace Young's confusingly red cheeks, or pomade for his scary sumo-wrestler hairdo. (Sorry Katrina.) That's all.

Oh, and you can also donate after the fact - because I realize this is kind of last minute. So if you're reading this on Saturday morning and are like, "Alas, it is too late!" Well, it's not. So save your alases. Or whatever.

And the normal pukeose level is ... ?

So I just read "glucose" as "pukeose". That's what happens, my friends, when you crash your Tubular Reabsorption lecture into your Stomach and Emesis lecture. 'Tis a dangerous, dangerous thing when you put mp3s of your lectures onto your iPod and then let it shuffle. We're in the collecting tubule, we're secreting, and oh oh oh - we've landed smack dab in the small intestine! Don't let the plicae circulares (which are PERMANENT structures, lest we forget - unlike rugae) mush you up!

Enough of that.

So today, it's Easter (Praise the risen Lord!) and I got to spend all of 45 minutes talking with my family. Ah, precious time. Anyway, while telling my two cousins who are like my brother and sister about the funny observation that wasn't funny, they pointed out that I'd overlooked the obvious. I should have just called the TBS Funny hotline and asked them, and avoided the whole ordeal. Ha ha. Funny commercials, those. Well, the first six billion times I saw them. But the concept is still funny - at least I think it is. Maybe I should call them and ask.

I have about 7 hours of physiology left, and around 5 of histology, including lab. I think I'm gonna be all right. But I'm still going to pray from now until then (and then afterwards, too) to the point that I wouldn't be surprised to hear a booming voice from the heavens, "KIM! I got it!! Let's talk about something else already!"

The Lord is getting me through school, seriously. Sometimes I know answers on exams that I just cannot remember learning (and it's not because I'm peeking at the bubble sheet of the person next to me - stop looking at me, Academic Standards Committee!) I screwed up royally at the beginning until I just started trusting Him in addition to working as hard as I could stand to work. Which should be harder than I'm working now. So off I go.

I don't care who you are, that's funny. Unless it isn't.

Okay, I know I was supposed to make my next post about stuff from veerd Dutchlandia, but I have to talk about something else first. The thing is, I've discovered that something happens to you in medical school (at least, it has happened to me) - you lose the ability to determine what's funny and what's not. You can only define "funny" as it applies to your little medical school bubble. Allow me to explain, won't you?

Sometimes something will happen during the course of the day (particularly in lab, during which we all tend to get a little slap-happy, for some reason) and will cause uncontrollable laughter (i.e., pointing at the stomach and proclaiming, "That's the biggest pancreas I've ever seen!") That pancreas thing still makes me giggle, I can't help it. But it's not funny to the outside world.

Anyway, the other day in histology lab, something happened that I was sure, SURE, that people outside of my school bubble (i.e., Scott) would find funny. I even prefaced the story by telling him, "You'll think this is funny! Funny! Because it's FUNNY!"

So here it is. It turns out that it's not funny (unless you happen to be in my class, or my lab group) but I'll share anyway.

We're sitting at our table, looking at our slides, and someone looked down the line of tables and observed one of our histo professors standing between two of my classmates. (I realize that's not funny. But I'm not done yet, I just had to end that sentence before it ran away too much.) We were looking at the professor from the side, and he was doing something or other with the microscope that was sitting on the table between the two guys. Anyway, from our point of view, it looked just like Dr. Anonymous was scratching Student #1's back. Well, I guess you had to be there, but we just cracked up over that.

When I told Scott, he just looked at me for a second and then said, "That's it?" I sadly confirmed that indeed, it was it. And then, he proceeded to tell me why it wasn't funny. "I wasn't there, I don't know what it looked like. Maybe it would have been funny if I had seen it. And what if he was scratching his back? So what?" I guess it's just that school takes over our entire lives, and makes said lives suck so much that we take any little piece of amusement where we can get it.

This reminds me of that part of A Not Entirely Benign Procedure by Dr. Perri Klaas, where she talks about not being able to talk effectively to people who don't go to medical school. I need to figure out a way to nip this in the bud, though. Or I'll just stop talking to people. (And that's a fantastic book, by the way.)

I don't feel like studying today, y'all.

Let's try this again

So, I told y'all that I would send something cool to visitor #51,652. Well guess what? Visitor #51,652 was likely someone from Orange, Provence-Alpes-Cote d'Azur, France searching for "free march of the martian chickens" (no no no, put down the white flag, there's no need to surrender for that! It's okay!) or someone from Tyler, Texas searching for "Carrie Underwood's fake hair". At any rate, visitor #51,652 had no idea how SPECIAL THEY COULD HAVE BEEN, and let the moment pass right by. So let's change the number, k? Watch the counter for something nice and simple - 53,000 - do a screencap (hold down ctrl and the "print screen" button, and then open something like MS Word and hold down ctrl and V (which should paste the image), and then email me the file.) Then, something cool will be en route to you (provided you send me an address too, of course. And I promise not to stalk you. I just don't have the time.

I feel as if I should say something else. Oh, I don't know. Look! It's a really old chimp.

I have a Renal/GI Physiology and Histology exam on Tuesday. Blecccccch. That means that the weekend will suck. We do get Friday and Monday off, though, which extends the weekend and thus the suckage.

I should tell y'all about all of the cool stuff that my veerd Dutchlandian friend sends to me. I'll put that in its very own post when I take a break from studying. Also, I still need to tell you about that time I didn't get stuck in the mud. I keep forgetting.

And in conclusion - Chris Daughtry? Step away from the eyeliner. I'm serious. And the Clay Aiken Solitaire lighting used for Kellie Pickler made her eyes look really weird - like they were right on top of each other or something. It was like she was a cyclops wandering around in the dark, who got into her drag queen father's makeup stash and hairspray, made a leather outfit out of the couch, and then sang Bohemian Rhapsody. The vocal wasn't bad though. No Elliott Yamin with Somebody to Love (eeeee!) but it wasn't bad. In direct contrast to Ace, who WAS bad. Oh, so very bad. Sorry Katrina. (I was amused, though, when one of the Queen guys told Ace, "I can't do that - not to my own song." Heh.)

American Idol performance clips

So I'm still shocked (SHOCKED!) over last night's AI results (RIP Mandisa, you were so much better than Ace & his creepy falsetto, Bucky, Paris, and Kellie. I do ::heart:: Chris, except when he yells Creed songs at me - Katharine bugs me for an unidentified reason, and I keep forgetting Elliott is there until he shows up and sings a song I don't know. Oh, and Taylor. Well. He twitches less, and that's about all I can say, except that he sang one of my favorite songs this week (shut up - West Virginia nostalgia, it's a glorious thing. Even if we do eat too much sauerkraut, sending our blood pressures through the roof.)

Hmm. Sauerkraut? What was I talking about? Oh yes, American Idol. Since medical school makes you live in a vacuum, I had no idea what was going on in the community of Idol watchers or what the media was saying. I should have known Mandisa's downfall, though. She sang a *gasp* Christian song! And she said 'lifestyle', which HAS to mean that she wants all gays beaten to a bloody pulp! Oh, the horror! I guess I just don't get it. I saw her pre-performance interview and her song introduction as a message of hope and an joyful invitation to a life of freedom, not a Bible-thumping condemnation:

The song intro:

"This song goes out to everybody that wants to be free. Your addiction, lifestyle, or situation may be big, but God is bigger!"

And the pre-performance interview:

"[The song] means a lot to me because it's a testimony that there's nothing too hard for God."

You know, that last statement is what gets me through every hour, every day, every week. I really hope that it wasn't that song choice, intro, or interview that caused Mandisa to be sent home last night, but I'm afraid it was, judging by the posts on the Television Without Pity American Idol forums. I mostly love those forums, because they make me laugh, but the posters do seem to get all out of whack when someone does something overtly Christian or something that may be construed as a belief that the practice of homosexuality is wrong. Poor Mandisa did both. I'm not worried about her, though - I don't know her heart, but I felt that everything she did on the show was sincere and not sanctimonious, and it's much better not to quench the Spirit (1 Thessalonians 5:19) than to finish 9th on American Idol.

With that said, here's a bunch of performance mpeg video clips from the past four weeks (Stevie Wonder, The 1950s, The 21st Century, and Country). Some of the 21st century clips are missing because my computer was being persnickety. Sorry about that. As usual, if you want a mpg, please right-click on the link and then choose "save target as". It saves my bandwidth, and I just love it when people save my bandwidth.

Just a couple more things - why does Kenny Rogers's face look younger than mine does? Where did his eyes go? And why did Randy look like he'd just come from a Tuesday night prom? Okay, on to the clips:

Ace Young
Do I Do (Stevie Wonder)
In the Still of the Night (The Five Satins)
Tonight I Wanna Cry (Keith Urban)

Bucky Covington
Superstition (Stevie Wonder)
Oh Boy (Buddy Holly)
Real Good Man (Tim McGraw)
Best I Ever Had (Vertical Horizon / Gary Allan)

Chris Daughtry
Higher Ground (Stevie Wonder / Red Hot Chili Peppers)
I Walk the Line (Johnny Cash / Live)
What If (Creed)
Making Memories of Us (Keith Urban)

Elliott Yamin
Knocks Me Off My Feet (Stevie Wonder)
Teach Me Tonight (Dinah Washington)
I Don't Wanna Be (Gavin DeGraw)
If Tomorrow Never Comes (Garth Brooks)

Katharine McPhee
Until You Come Back to Me (Aretha Franklin)
Come Rain Or Come Shine (Billie Holiday)
The Voice Within (Christina Aguilera)
Bringing Out the Elvis In Me (Faith Hill)

Kellie Pickler
Blame It On the Sun (Stevie Wonder)
Walkin' After Midnight (Patsy Cline)
Fancy (Reba McEntire)

Kevin Covais
Part Time Lover ... also, BWAH. (Stevie Wonder)
When I Fall In Love (Nat King Cole)

Lisa Tucker
Signed, Sealed, Delivered (Stevie Wonder)
Why Do Fools Fall In Love (Frankie Lymon And The Teenagers)

Mandisa
Don't You Worry 'Bout A Thing (Stevie Wonder)
I Don't Hurt Anymore (Dinah Washington)
Wanna Praise You / Shackles (Mary Mary)
Any Man Of Mine (Shania Twain)

Melissa McGhee - Lately
Lately (Stevie Wonder / Jodeci)

Paris Bennett
All I Do (Stevie Wonder)
Fever (Peggy Lee)
Work It Out (Beyonce)
How Do I Live (Trisha Yearwood / Leann Rimes)

Taylor Hicks
Living For the City (Stevie Wonder)
Not Fade Away (Buddy Holly)
Country Roads (Take Me Home) (John Denver)

Re: American Idol tonight - what? What? WHAT? WHAT????!!! That is all.

Fie on the International Federation of the Phonographic Industry! Fie on them, I say!

If you haven't noticed (meaning, you haven't tried to visit this blog in the past day or so), it's been down. Wanna know why? Because my folder of downloadable mp3s, accessed by all of, say, five people (I know because I can see which files are being downloaded, and believe me, it was not a lot) prompted this email, forwarded to me by my hosting company:

I am contacting you on behalf of the International Federation of the Phonographic Industry (IFPI) and its member record companies. The IFPI is a trade association whose member companies are some 1,450 major and independent record companies in the US and internationally who create, manufacture and distribute sound recordings. Under penalty of perjury, we submit that the IFPI is authorized to act on behalf of its member companies in matters involving the infringement of their sound recordings, including enforcing their copyrights and common law rights on the Internet.

We have learned that your service is hosting infringing files on its network (see above referenced directory). These files contain sound recordings by the artists known as Aerosmith, Dido, Bon Jovi, Eminem, & Mariah Carey . These sound recordings are owned by some of our member companies and have not been authorized for this kind of use. We have a good faith belief that the above-described activity is not authorized by the copyright owner, its agent, or the law. We assert that the information in this notification is accurate, based upon the data available to us.

Well, I deleted the mp3 folder, and all of the mp3s within, after being beaten down by the big bad IFPI (which, on first glance, I thought stood for International Federation of the Pornographic Industry. Heh.) and their big scary words. Sorry about that, y'all. If you're looking for a particular mp3, though, email me and I may be able to help you.

But I can't keep a directory of them anymore, because otherwise, I will make Mariah Carey destitute and she'll have to take her ashy chicks and her lotion and live in a box on the street. And Eminem will be so mad that he'll curse more than usual. Boo-freaking-hoo.

But I've moved on. Let me tell you about how crazy I am when I'm semi-conscious (and fully conscious too, as it turns out) - I was working on the beginnings of the Best Nap Ever last Friday evening, and I fall asleep much better to noise (i.e., a TV) so I had the TV on. There was some commercial for a Ford or some vehicle, and I heard words like, "rugged" and "dependable", and my brain went, "They must be referring to the esophagus!"

Now, I don't have the first clue where that came from, because it's not like we've been studying GI physiology (well, we are NOW, but we weren't then) - it was all about the pee, remember? I'm not sure that, as far as structures go, I would even classify the esophagus under the "rugged and dependable" column. Dependable enough, I guess, but - kind of rubbery, actually. I'm not sure how much off-roading you could do with an esophagus.

See? I'm totally insane.

And I've also decided today that I'm an idiot. You'll have that, in medical school - days when you feel woefully, woefully inadequate. Well - I have those days, anyway. Maybe no one else does.

Okay, I think that's all I've got for now. I'm going to try not to do anything else illegal for the rest of the day. Wish me luck.

Hooray for 51,652!

You know what? I totally meant to hallmark my 50,000th visitor, but accidentally let it go whizzing right by without a mention. Ooops. Instead, let's do something else - like, visitor #51,652. How about we make a big deal about that one.

So here's what you do. When you visit my blog, scroll all the way to the bottom and check my Sitemeter counter. If it says 51,652, make a screencap (just hold down "ctrl" and the "prnt scrn" buttons concurrently, which will copy the screen - then paste it into an image editing program or MS Word or whatever.) Then send me the file. And if you're that visitor, I'll send you something cool. Or maybe I'll come and clog outside of your window, or something. No, I'm just kidding - that would be horrific (although not as horrific as the scary, huge-headed Burger King king that appears outside of a window in that commercial.)

No, I'll send you something cool and clog-less. So watch my counter. Oh, and you know what? I keep forgetting to tell you guys about that time I didn't get stuck in the mud. I'll do that later, because now I have to get ready to go learn something. Hopefully. Alternatively, I have to go get ready to have one of those days that ends with me banging my head against the wall.

I usually don't do memes, but ...

... this one looked interesting, found at Hey Freak.

The meme asks questions, you put your media player on "shuffle" and let it answer the questions. No cheating. Sure, a lot of it won't make sense, but some of them are funny anyway. And I've added links to mp3s that I already had in my mp3 folder, for your downloading pleasure. Save the baby bandwidths, though - right-click and "save as". Thanks. :-)

How does the world see you?
Wrong Again (Martina McBride). HA. Only on exams, unfortunately.

Will I have a happy life?
You and Me (Lifehouse - mp3, right-click and save as, please). Uhhh. Hmmm. I guess someone will not be able to take their eyes off of me, but they don't know why. Whether or not that will make me happy depends on the eyes - if they belong to Scott (or, I don't know, Josh Hartnett) then that's happy. If they belong to a greasy biker guy in Pizza Hut, not so much.

What do my friends really think of me?

She's a Beauty (The Tubes - mp3, right-click and "save as"). Awww! I promise I didn't stack the deck on that one. But I should probably mention that all of my friends have severed optic nerves. Because I'm nowhere near little and cute.

Do people secretly lust after me?
If You Leave (OMitD - mp3, right-click and "save as"). Ha. Maybe that means I pester people to death. But I really don't want random people lusting after me, I don't think - especially if it's aforementioned greasy biker.

How can I make myself happy?
Heart of Stone (Cher). Well, I do wear my heart on my sleeve. But I'm afraid a heart of stone would make me dead, not happy - with zero cardiac output, I'd have a hard time living. And I don't think stone has any contractile properties.

What should I do with my life?
Goonies R Good Enough (Cyndi Lauper). Hmmm. I AM in a never-ending quest for a Goonies Never Say Die T-shirt, but I don't think that's a very ambitious life goal.

Will I ever have children?
Jungle Love (The Time). Huh. Okay.

What is some good advice for me?
Long Ride Home (Patti Griffin). Well, I do like to drive around when I'm anxious or on social overload. And that's a gorgeous song, if you haven't heard it. Actually, I think I'll upload the mp3 for y'all. Watch this space.

How will I be remembered?
Bridge Over Troubled Water (Simon & Garfunkel - mp3, right-click and "save as"). Am I the bridge or the troubled water? It makes a big difference. I'll be optimistic and say I'm the bridge. So if you need yoooooooourrrrrrr miiiiiiiiind eeeeeeaaaaaasseeeeed, come see me.

What is my signature song?
Crash and Burn (Savage Garden - mp3, right-click and "save as"). Heh. I do crash and burn frequently, but at least I'm not alone.

What do I think my current theme song is?
Secret (Heart). Or forever stay apart. A great deal of sense that does not make. Oh well.

What does everyone else think my current theme song is?
Crazy In Love (Beyonce). And that I am, even though I only talk to Scott for about 60 minutes per week, including weekends. Poor guy. I'm so thankful that he puts up with my craziness right now.

What song will play at my funeral?
Delirious (Prince). Heh. Well, Prince is always good.

What type of men do I like?
Ants Marching (DMB - mp3, right click and "save as"). Well.

What is my day going to be like?
It's the Same Old Song (The Four Tops - mp3, right-click and "save as"). Yes it is. Study, study, study. Which reminds me, I should be doing that. This section in Physiology? Is all about the pee. It's fabulous.

The Indie Virus

I just read on SusiePie about The Indie Virus, a little blogging experiment by Pearsonified to bring attention to lesser-known blogs (i.e., ones not in Technorati's Top 100.) And I'm ALL about bringing attention to lesser-known blogs.

I'm probably skipping a step in that I haven't been "infected" by anyone, yet I'm going to infect myself and then pass The Indie Virus along to The Berry Patch (because everybody should read The Berry Patch), Happiness Is A Good Nap (isn't it though), Hey Freak, aaaaaand Space Monkey.

And there you go.