Eeeeeeeeek.

I'm starting to get really nervous about starting school again, y'all. It's 3:19AM and I can't sleep, despite my benzodiazepines. I am worried about the long hours, and I'm afraid that my pain from my pancreatitis and my anxiety will finally take over. I fear long surgeries where I can't even get a drink, much less take something for my searing, visceral pain; or for my debilitating anxiety that makes me shake and sweat and clouds my brain. And I'm scared that once someone finds out that I have to take medications for both of those conditions (although I don't abuse them) that I will be kicked out.

It's been all right thus far, because if I went to class and was sick, I knew that I could leave and go back to the apartment and try to sleep it off. Knowing that there's a way out is very important for anxious types like me - the idea that I HAVE to stay in one place for God-knows-how-many hours is really freaking me out.

And for some reason, I got more freaked out when I learned that Scott is leaving on Thursday to go to his family's cabin for a couple of days. I'll miss him - on top of everything else.

My pancreas hurts and I'm going to cry.