I'm shrinking! Shreeeeeenking! (I hope.)

I'm a Lifetime member at Weight Watchers - I lost about 40 pounds back in 1999, was running 3-5 miles a day, and my anxiety and depression were at an all-time low. I kept my new routine up for a couple of years, and then ended up in a downward spiral (long story, maybe I'll tell it sometime) and gained all I had lost plus more, and stopped exercising. And then I started medical school, and gained about 20 more pounds. Ugh.

But, I'm tired of being fat, ugly and repulsive. I'm tired of being Scott's fat girlfriend. I'm tired of being everybody's "fat friend". I'm tired of my rock-bottom self-esteem. I renewed my YMCA membership on Monday (and actually worked out on Monday, Tuesday and today) and re-joined Weight Watchers on Tuesday. This huge person I'm walking around in is not me, and I'm quite tired of her - her thunder thighs, sausage arms, lack of energy, and giant rear end. Keep me honest, y'all. I have exactly 50 pounds to lose to get back to my Weight Watchers goal weight. I'll keep you updated (because I know you care.) :-)

Dave Matthews on House? Squeeeee!

I read in TV Guide this week that Dave Matthews is going to be a guest star (i.e., Patient of the Week) on House M.D. in March. He'll play a pianist. Oh man, my head may explode. I am endlessly entertained by them both.

In other House news, there was a good song at the end of tonight's episode - Grey Room by Damien Rice (iTunes). I Googled the lyrics and then added it to my iTunes cart.

Speaking of lyrics - some particular lyrics of one of my favorite songs in the world, Long Ride Home by Patty Griffin (iTunes - go preview it at least - Patty Griffin is amazing) have been really hitting home with me lately:

Forty years go by with someone lying in your bed
Forty years of things you say you wish you'd never said
How hard would it have been to say some kinder words instead
I wonder as I stare up at the sky turning red

I've had some time to think about you
And watch the sun sink like a stone
I've had some time to think about you
On the long ride home

Headlights staring at the driveway
The house is dark as it can be
I go inside and all is silent
It seems as empty as the inside of me ...

I guess I'm grateful for life's ebbs and flows - it makes you appreciate the good times when you have to go through bad ones. But still - sometimes, I just feel emotionally drained - like I just have nothing left to give.

*sign*

Real Med Students of Genius

A take-off of the Budweiser commercials, Real Men of Genius, these hilarious clips (which may only be funny to actual medical students - be forewarned) just begged to be blogged. I think I'm a combination of Always Late to Small Group Guy (my favorite part of that one is "dyspnea on exertion ... huff huff huff ...") and Mr. Falls Asleep During Everything Guy. But, I'm not a guy. You know what I mean. Anyway - enjoy!

Mr. Always Late to Small Group Guy

Mr. Will This Be On The Exam Asker

Mr. Always Prepared For Everything Guy

Mr. Awesome Floor Team Avoider

Mr. Really Bad With Children Guy

Mr. Walk Behind the Lecturer Guy

Mr. Falls Asleep During Everything Guy

Mr. Accidental Scrub Out Guy

Things in pathology that make me want to barf

If someone asks me one more time, "Where is the mostly likely site for aspiration?" (it's the right main bronchus, by the way, because it's a straight shot into the right lung), I'm going to throw up and then proceed to aspirate it into my right main bronchus.

Check out these forceps in the right main bronchus:

Before Samuel graduates from college ...

... I should probably post this, because it amused me.

My cousin Jonathan and his wife Becky had a beautiful baby boy earlier this month, Samuel Lucas [last name], and for the first day or so of his life, he decided to only open one eye. Observe:

When Gabriel came to see him in the hospital, he said, "He's a pirate baby!" Hee.

Gabe, meanwhile, is plenty cute himself - in his kids' scrubs and lab coat that I bought him:

Check out that stethoscope. He and I were playing with his little "visible organs guy", and I was pointing out the spleen and eeeeevil pancreas and such, and told him that I'd like to have my own little anatomy model guy. He knows I'm in school to be a "real doctor", and he told me, "Doctors don't get to have toys." Ha. Actually they do, Gabe, they're just very expensive toys. :-)

By the way, I have two exams on Monday and one on Tuesday, and that's why I've been MIA for a few days. Pharmacology is scaaaary, yo. The more I study it, the less I feel like I know. Anyone out there know what I mean by that? (If someone does, I'd feel better. Especially if it's someone in my class.) More importantly, can anyone HELP?

I love Hugh Laurie so very, very much and could listen to him give speeches all day. He works words like "caboodle" into ordinary conversation, which is obviously a commendable quality.

In other news, I will not be the least surprised if I fail pharmacology.

The end.

Sad day

Three of my papaw's kids were in this fire last night, and haven't been heard from since 11PM on Saturday. (Papaw remarried and had a 2nd family after my dad was grown - so I have five aunts and uncles that are all younger than me.) And now three of them are unaccounted for. Although I barely knew the kids (I think they were 19, 17, and 14) - my heart breaks for my papaw. I can't imagine what he's feeling right now. And I pray that they all made their peace with the Lord before it was too late.

Edit - the kids' bodies have been identified. And here's a picture of them, a cap from our local news:

It's just so tragic and has been weighing heavily on my mind all weekend. It's so important that people know how you feel about them, and that you always know the condition of your soul - because you never know when your last chance will be.

Waaaaaaaah!

I didn't go to class this morning (four reasons - main reason, I overslept; also, I was at the hospital kind of late last night because my cousin-who-is-as-close-as-a-brother's wife was in labor (Eeeee! Welcome Samuel Lucas [insert last name here]!); I am so freaking tired and I probably would have slept through class anyway; and Mom was sick last night and I didn't want her to be awake and sick by herself, because I don't like to be left alone when I'm sick. So.)

I didn't go twice last week either, because of that evil GI virus I had and my eeeeeeevil pancreas. And we've only been in class for like, 9 days. I'm feeling guilty and panicky. The panicky part is a given, because I'm on the edge of an anxious breakdown anyway.

I'm not particularly worried about getting behind, because Christy and I have been studying a bit, in the afternoons/evenings, but I'm wondering - what kind of doctor am I even going to be, when my stupid pancreatitis or my anxiety attacks me at every turn; and also, when I want to be there for my family when something is going on, med school be darned? I'm afraid I'm not disciplined enough or something. *sigh*

Also, a couple of friends wanted to take Christy and me out to lunch this afternoon for our birthdays (both are in December, during our Christmas break) and I wasn't there for that, so they'll have to go without me or reschedule. I hope nobody is mad. I hate it when I make people mad. I need a hug.

At least I finally remembered to pay my class dues and avoided our class treasurer's bone-breaking thugs.

Do you know the Muffin Man? Or Patty Rowe?

Yesterday, Christy and I were driving home from class when my gigantonormous car phone rang (yes, it's a CAR phone - it's the only kind that picks up in the boonies where I live. But I love those boonies, though - no way would I trade them for a big city. But the phone - when I use it, Christy goes, "Hi Zach, it's Kelly!" Ha ha. Make fun of Kim's humongous Miami Vice phone. Hardy har.)

Anyway, the phone rang, and it has this extremely loud ring that I can't figure out how to turn down, so we're both having arrhythmia, but I managed to answer:

Me: Hello? [pulling out the automatic defibrillator, since fibrillation is the "worst kind of news" (tm Dr. Wright)]
Nice Lady: Patty?
Me: (respiratory rate has slowed to below 80/minute now) No, I'm sorry - you have the wrong number.
Nice Lady: This isn't Patty Rowe? I've been trying to find Patty Rowe, and they keep giving me the wrong number.
Me: Nope, I'm sorry.
Nice Lady: Oh. Well, do you know Patty Rowe?
Me: What? No!

I wonder what people are thinking? That the world is so small, that everybody knows everybody, and that I was going to go, "Yeah, she's sitting right here!"? Or that, if you have a similar phone number, you must know each other? Strange. We got a good laugh of out of that, but then again, we were delirious from a coma-inducing pharmacology lecture. Or maybe it was 3 hours of lung pathology. Either one produces delirium.

I love my geek

I'll get to it - I just have to give you some backstory first.

I've been away from the blog for a few days, due to the fact that I woke up in the wee hours of the morning on January 1st and discovered I'd been invited to an exclusive Barf-A-Thon. I realize that's not all that unusual, considering what most people do on New Year's Eve, but I went to CHURCH, for crying out loud. Church! And there is no drinking at church. But somewhere in the days prior, unbeknownst to be, a virus had taken up residence - one that would eventually cause gross spewage from two different orifices. Ack. So that day, I was so dehydrated and weak and tired, I slept for about 18 hours (like a cat) and didn't even feel like sitting up. It was horrible.

The next day, there was no more spewage, and I could sit up for a few minutes, but no prolonged standing. And the NEXT day, I had to start school again. Bleargh. Somehow I managed to get through the morning, although I wished that our seats had barf bags on them like in airplanes, and that afternoon/evening I took two naps, and went to bed early, and I'm STILL tired and weak. Anybody else had this evil GI virus? How long before I feel back to normal? I mean, being tired is a given, because I'm a medical student, but I can't handle being double-tired. I even missed some lectures today, just because I felt like yesterday's garbage. And I really don't like to miss lectures.

So while I was napping and Mom was vacuuming (she's keeping me company and cleaning around the apartment, bless her heart) someone apparently hit my car, which was parked on the street. And the car behind the guilty car saw what happened, and saw the car hit me and drive off, and so he followed her, and got a license number and description of the car, and then came to my apartment building to try to find my car's owner.

I called Scott at the lab to tell him about my poor car, which is now missing a driver's sideview mirror (his truck is missing a passenger sideview mirror) and said, "Now we're twins!"

Him: Well, not twins - mine's missing a passenger side mirror.
Me: Oh. Mirror images, then.
Him: Non-superimposable mirror images.

Hah. I love him.

So I feel horrid, and I want to lie back down, but I had to post that little nugget of geek love. I should be able to rest up over the weekend and will hopefully be back to normal next week. Hopefully.