AI7 - Top 10 Girls - "De-Wayne, find me a big beautiful shell!"

It's the 182nd hour of American Idol this week, and Ryan is happy to be there, as usual. It's the girls! It's the guys! David Archuleta still has his head! That's good! It's the judges! Ryan says something about Randy's 13 1/2 shoes (13 1/2? Where have I heard that before? Hmmm) on Regis and Kelly. I guess I missed that one - shucks. Apparently said shoes were purple. Paula is wearing a very confusing top. Ryan says that Simon is nervous with his "single shot" and Simon gives a smile that is actually kind of cute. What the heck, I'll admit it - I do find him cute. Hear that everybody? I think Simon Cowell is a little cute. All right, now it's out. Randy says that the girls should show improvement because the "guys were on fire." Paula says that the guys were very, very, very, very, very,very,very veryveryvery good and that she has something different she'd like to do to each one of them (we already know David Archuleta's - behead him and hang him from her rearview mirror.) Simon says the other contestants should be "miserable" after David Archueta's performance. He says this is constructive criticism to help motivate the others when someone else does really well. Off with the show.

Carly Smithson owns a tattoo shop with her husband, and works at an Irish Bar around the corner. The bar is her home away from home and everyone working there is Irish. She loves her house, loves to clean, loves to cook, loves everything. Loves the stage, too. She's singing the great Crazy On You by the greater Heart, and either her shirt is one of those with blousy extra material in the front, or she's having a distracting amount of floppage from lack of undergarments. Wow, she's doing really well, and Heart stuff is tough to sing (I know, because I wail this one and Magic Man in my car, and I do it HORRIBLY.) Randy says, "Yo yo yo." Thought I should make that an exact quote. Randy says the beginning was rough for him, and that singers with big horses like herself have trouble with the lower notes because they can belt out the bigger notes. Wait, I think he said "voices" not "horses". Big voices would make more sense here. Anyway, Pauler says she's glad Carly is healthy. That Pauler, always positive. She can tell that Carly loves Heart. Simon observes that Carly is panting, and Randy says it's because it was a big song. Simon says that he's not sure Carly has found the right song, but that she has an incredible voice and is "one heck of a singer, this girl." He says she's the girl to beat. She says that whatever happens, she got to sing Crazy On You on American Idol. I really really like her. Ryan says it's good to see her healthy, too. Geez, she must have been a lot of sick. Off to the break - Minute Maid products are growing on bushes! Wheee!

Ryan reminds us what we're watching, and pimps the iTunes performance downloads (already done some of that, Ryan). Syesha Mercado did commercials in Miami, and she remembers one line - "DE-Wayne, find me a big beautiful shell!" That just hits my funny bone for some reason. I'm not sure which is more hilarious - the line and her delivery of it, or "DE-Wayne" with his cheesy two-index-finger point and his "All right, baby." Anyway, Syesha's changing up Me & Mrs. Jones to, obviously, Me & MR. Jones by Billy Paul, which has the most boring lyrics ever. It's like, "I'm going to get up at 6AM, eat some Cheerioooooooos, take a shower and dry my haaaaaaaaaair. Then I'll get to woooooooork at about 8:00 ..." You see where I'm going here. So the song is snoozy except for the glory note at the end, which rudely woke me up from my nap. Randy tells Syesha that she ain't givin' what she's got. It was just a taste of what she's got. She's got more than she's givin'. I know she's got a big beautiful shell and she ain't givin' that. Pauler says that when she has power, it's great, but she falls off on the softer notes. She likes the interpretation of what Syesha did. Huh? Simon points out that the song wasn't written for a girl to sing, and therefore, it was a silly thing for her to sing. (Since when does that matter?) So nobody liked the song choice, including me. I do like her scarf, though. Pree-tee.

Brooke White went to beauty school! And then she dropped out! She's a beauty school dropout, just like Frenchie! (But she wants us to know that she graduated high school, so don't worry.) She's sitting on the Stool of Seriousness (tm Shack) which is also the Stool of I'm Playing A Guitar, and singing You're So Vain (heh - I first typed "Mr. Vain" which is a totally different song by Culture Beat.) Does Brooke remind anyone else of that contestant on America's Next Top Model a few cycles ago - the one with really light blue eyes that had some disease that would make her go blind? I think her name was Amanda. Anyway, Brooke. It's a good vocal, and I think it's cute that she's jumping up and down on her chair. Uh oh, I see a Pretty Pony Princess Pageant Queen up in the balcony - it's either Alaina or Kady, I can't tell them apart up close, much less from a distance. Whoever it is is wearing a super-shiny blue prom dress. Back to Brooke - Randy says that she always had this whole Carly Simon vibe anyway, so it was a good song for her. Then Randy is all, "You were looking at the judges' table a lot - maybe at another male judge who isn't me?????" Hardy har har. Paula says it's the perfect song choice for her because it suits her and her voice. She brought familiarity and everyone was "digging it". Simon says that he "absolutely loved it." Well, good for Brooke. I think I like her.

Why is it that every time someone mentions the band, Ryan has to pop up out of nowhere and go, "RICKY MINER AND THE BAAAAAAAND!"

It's Ramile Malubay and she and Ryan have a little conversation in which she's speaking her native language (sorry, I didn't catch the name of it) and Ryan is speaking Spanish. Ramiele was so very sad at elimination last week, because she lost her roommate and Colton Berry, who was part of a foursome that apparently existed. Ramiele has been Polynesian dancing for 12 years, and demonstrates the correct way to hula (MUCH less creepy than when Sanjaya did that last season.) Ramiele is singing Don't Leave Me This Way by Thelma Houston. I love this song, so I'm all grooving at my computer here. It's ugly, you wouldn't want to see it. I like Ramiele a lot - I think she's got some real talent. But I'm not wild about her haircut. Randy is weirded out by the song choice, and thought it was "just really okay." Paula says that Ramiele is one to beat, but that she powered through and it was kind of the same notes over and over. Okay, I can get that. Paula also says that Ramiele didn't get to perform her magic. Maybe she forgot her rabbit and her cape. Simon shockingly agrees with Pauler. He's heard the song so many times at ghastly weddings, and this wasn't her best performance. He does think, though, she's one of top 3 best singers in the competition. Ramiele tells Ryan that she changed her song 4 times, because she picked some slow ballads but heard that people would start calling her "Lullaby" instead of "Malubay". Oh geez, she can't worry about crap like THAT. Which is essentially what Ryan tells her. Commercials.

Ryan tells us to go to americanidol.com. No, Ryan, no - I probably will not do that. Kristy Lee Cook tells us that she's a tomboy - she gets dirty, she loves sports, etc. and such. She also loves getting dressed up and girly. Okay. That's pretty noninteresting, but she's cute. Oooh, that's a pretty top she's wearing. She's singing Baby, You're No Good by Linda Ronstadt, and Randy tells her that it was 100% improvement over last week, that he liked the song choice - but that there were no "breakout" moments. Paula agrees that Kristy is "back". Simon says that this week was a huge improvement but that he doesn't know how to label her - he kind of encourages her to go down the country road. Not the "country" road (like the ones in West Virginia, Mountain Mama, take me home, country roads) but the "country" road. You know. Simon says that she has potential. Did Kristy just say she was on FIVE antibiotics for a COLD? Even ONE antibiotic for a cold? Bad, bad doctoring on Idol. Colds are viruses. Anyway, I don't know anything else that was said because flames shot out of my ears and eyes when she said "five antibiotics." I hope she at least finished all of the unnecessary prescriptions - oh, the resistant bacteria that they're breeding in Hollywood. Sigh.

Ryan tells us to brace ourselves, here comes Amanda Overmyer. We probably should brace ourselves. She tells us that other than being a Harley-riding nurse, she also loves to read - particularly biographies of rock icons that she likes. She says that you can't be overeducated and that she'll be the first to recognize that she's not. They show a clip of her reading a book on the music business. She closes by saying that reading is also a great form of entertainment. Yes, yes it is. This girl continues to surprise me - I definitely wouldn't have pegged her as a bookworm. Oh geez, that hair - she looks like she's seen something horrifying that blew her hair back and turned part of it white. Not so good. She's singing Wayward Son by Kansas and I think they're going to call it a safe choice. Let's see. Randy says it's the wrong song choice - he says there's too much melody, and I'm not sure what that means. Also, he says that there are too many instrumental breaks - "I don't want to hear the band play, though they're dope" (RICKY MINER AND THE BAAAAAAND!) "I want to hear you sing." Which makes sense. Paula says that Amanda has some moves and can dance. Paula says for Amanda not to worry about "doing too much Janis" or anything else - that she is a brilliant artist and should just do what fits and feels right. Simon says that he thought that in her pre-performance clip, she came across as very natural and cool - and from then on, everything felt very contrived - from her outfit to the terrible hair. He says he really really really didn't get that. And he says that if she wants the popular vote, she's not going to get it by doing that. Randy chimes in and says for her to keep her bluesy rock. I agree.

Ryan tells us that by downloading on iTunes, we can keep a piece of Alaina Whitaker forever! That's a little creepy! Kind of like Quagmire's fake Lois with the hair from her brush that he has in a closet. Oh, and it's Alaina that's the Pretty Pony Princess this week. So Alaina doesn't like her food to touch, especially when something like liquid from green beans flows into another food - the horror! I wonder what she thinks happens to the food when it goes into her mouth? I wonder if I should tell her about chyme and do a little primer on how digestion works? Probably not. Alaina is singing Hopelessly Devoted To You by Olivia Newton-John. And she's out of her head and has nowhere to hide and all of that. Randy doesn't think it was the right song for her either. He says that even when she belts, she kind of overshot it and went sharp. Paula didn't think it was that bad. Simon says that it's almost as if her grandmother prepared her for this performance - told her what to wear, how to do her hair. He says it was all a bit pageant-y and wasn't current. But he says that he thinks she's one of the dark horses in this competition, that he likes her better now than before. There's discussion about Alaina's Pretty Pony Princess dress and Ryan giggles around the fact that he's not an authority on women's fashion. Oh, RYAN.

Ryan points out the guys, lest we've forgotten about them, and tells us that tomorrow we'll lose two of them. Cackle, cackle. Alexandra Lushington is next - she was the poster child for the Atlanta Fire Department because her dad for them for 6 or 7 years. She sang for events and such, patriotic songs, and she sang an impromptu song at Ground Zero with lots of people around and it was really emotional. I'll bet. I would like to go to Ground Zero sometime - it represents so much. Alexandrea is singing If You Leave Me Now by Chicago, and it's - well, kind of boring. She's wearing this cute layered outfit that I think stands out in a nice way - it actually covers everything. Randy tells her that it was so safe for her, because she has mad vocal skills, and that she should never go the safe route. Paula said that she'd never heard a female take on that song. She also says she's relevant and is important in the competition. Simon says he was a big fan in the early stages of the competition, but he thinks she's struggling. He says that the song has never been covered because it sounds kind of stuck in its time period. He says the performance was boring. Ryan summarizes - they like her, but they didn't like the song for her. But Alexandrea knows the song was right for her. Whaaa? Okay. She says she's the underdog and will hopefully get another chance to prove herself.

Kady Malloy can do Britney, Shakira and Cher (I haven't heard Shakira and Cher - where can I hear those?) but she also does opera. She loves to sing opera in the bathroom because of the great acoustics. She says that when Simon finds out she sings opera he'll probably roll his eyes - then she does a good Simon eyeroll, and a not-so-good Simon impression "You sing opera better than you sing up here." (I'm sure she'll work on it though.) She's singing Magic Man (LOVE) by Heart, and wearing a dress that I like. This song is in that scene from The Virgin Suicides when they first introduce "Tripp Fontaine" and it is absolutely the perfect song for that scene. Anyway - Randy says that it didn't work, that her voice never found the notes. Paula says that when she "powered", she sounded great. And she thinks Kady sings opera quite well. She says that Kady needs to find out the artist that she is. Simon says he's very very frustrated (heh) because everything she does on film - the impressions, the opera - is very good, but then she comes out and almost tries to impersonate Christina by singing at the back of her throat, with a song he's never heard (!!!!!!!!!) They spend a few minutes trying to figure out why she doesn't translate the same way on film and in person. Hrm. It's a sticky wicket.

It's the final performance of the night, and it's Asia'h Epperson. She was a cheerleader in middle and high school (me too!) and she really loved it - the camps and the outfits and getting the crowd into it. (I loved it too - it was some good times.) She makes an analogy between cheerleading and Idol that I actually kind of get. She also apparently likes hoop earrings, because she's always wearing earrings that look like my head could fit through. Well, maybe not, because I have a huge head. But someone with a normal-sized head may be able to. ANYWAY! She's singing All By Myself in an outfit that I don't really understand - but I like her hair extensions. She goofs on one of the earlier notes in the first chorus, but I think it sounds really great otherwise. I'll put her as one of the top two vocals of the night, with Carly. Randy says that he knows Asia'h has been sick, but he thought that she did a nice job with the song (although he acknowledges that she didn't reach Celine level.) Paula agrees that she brought it home. Simon says that you have to be one heck of a singer to pull that song off, and that Asia'h is not. That she almost pulled it off, but not quite - that the song is a little too big for her. Ryan wonders that if she didn't take a risk, would Simon have something negative to say about that too? Simon says that you have to know your limitations, and then banters with Ryan a little by saying that he obviously knows his in his career. Oh BEHAVE.

My top three tonight: Carly Smithson, Brooke White, and Asia'h Epperson. I also liked Amanda Overmyer, Ramiele Malubay, Syesha Mercado and Kady Malloy and don't want them going anywhere. Packing their bags - unfortunately, maybe Syesha, maybe Alexandrea, maybe Kristy. I'm not sure - it depends on how much fanbases they've built up so far. I don't think Alexandrea and Kristy have really shown enough personality to make them memorable and likeable even when they have a "meh" performance. We shall see. Now I'm going to get De-Wayne to find me a nice seashell.