Scott's birthday

Scott turned 29 today, and I wanted to drive the 30 minutes to his house from mine to go to church with him, and then hang around and watch a movie or something. (And likely eat cake and possibly pizza, knowing his mom!) Scott, church, a movie, pizza, and cake = an evening of my favorite things.

Instead, I felt too weak and fatigued to even take a shower. My doctor ordered some bloodwork which I had done yesterday - he ordered a CBC w/diff (meaning they separate out all of the types of white blood cells and give a percentage of how many are there) and a monospot. I'm thinking it may be mono, because I had it about 10 years ago and I remember how tired and generally crappy I felt. I would sleep about 12 hours each night, and then come home from class and take a 3-4 hour nap, and still feel exhausted. That went on for a good while, too. And I've read that mono is worse in someone who is past their mid-to-late teens. Great.

I am just so sad that I didn't even get to see Scott on his birthday because of this stupid mysterious illness that I have, that I wish someone would diagnose so that people would stop getting irritated at me for feeling bad all the time. I know my family and friends are starting to think that I'm just lazy, or depressed, or something. I really miss Scott, though - it's hard for me to see him these days, because during the week, he's working and understandably doesn't want to spend the hour on the road (round-trip) that it takes to come to my house, plus the couple of hours it takes to watch a movie or whatever. And I simply don't feel like driving to his house, or anywhere else.

I'm sitting here crying as I type this because I'm so mad at myself for feeling so hideous that it's keeping Scott and me apart. But I just don't see any solution. I'm open to suggestions.