AI7 - This one time, when I was dressed as Boomer the Roo

Ryan gives us a rather ominous introduction, and I am quite unsure as to whether the two who don't make it through the week will be sent home or to the guillotine.

And it's the 80s! Woot woot! Luke Menard is first. Yay! His most embarrassing moment is when his sister, who always wanted a younger sister, dressed him up like a ballerina. How cute. I really hope Luke and his Orlando-ly cuteness stick around another week so I can look at him. Randy says he got it together at the end but it was corny. Pauler rambles on forever, she starts about 18 sentences without finishing them and finally says that she liked it. Simon thought it was weak, girly, and didn't like it. Luke is like, "I don't care, I'm pretty." Oh, and he sang Wake Me Up Before You Go-Go by Wham!.

This AT&T commercial with the little girl and the monkey? Where her dad goes on a business trip and takes monkey pictures whilst someone sings, "You're the only reason I keep on comin' home". It brings a tear to my eye. I'll just admit it.

David Archuleta went to Honduras (? I think that's what he said) for a fundraiser, and his voice went out in the middle of the song and so his mom ran up on the stage and finished the song for him. Heh. He's singing Another Day in Paradise by Phil Collins - dude, he's all about these "message" songs, isn't he? And I'm afraid that our squishy-squashy cheeky-pinchy little David Archuleta is a little baby liberal. Pity. Randy says he feels like he was at a David Archuleta concert with the piano and whatnot. Paula says a bunch of things about his perfection and imperfection and how his perfection is imperfection. Whatever. Simon tells his that it wasn't as good as last week but still good. He says that David is going to make it into the final 12 and probably into the finals finals, but he needs to quit picking these sad songs. I agree. David is like, "Imagine and Another Day in Paradise are sad songs? I didn't know! Look at me, I'm so cute! Now pinch my cheeks, all of you! Pinch!"

What the frick is wrong with my Internet connection?? I can hardly liveblog if I can't get live, can I??

Danny Noreiga tripped in front of his crush! OMG! And he turned as red as a "cute little tomato"! A cute little tomato that looks like Jessica Alba, I say. He's singing Tainted Love by Soft Cell. I hate his hair on a guy. I want to punch his hair in the face. Randy says there's some good stuff and bad stuff. He says he's a little shy in his vocals. Whatever that means. Paula says he's a bright light in the competition. Yeah, a rainbow-colored light. Paula loves that he's true to himself but he should take the purple things out of his hair. Simon thought the whole thing was horrible, absolutely useless. He hated the arrangement, hated the performance, hated the vocals. Danny Nore-gay-ga does this "brush you off of my shoulder" move. I HATE when they do that!

David Hernandez had a pea-sized booger in his nose one time. Maybe it was the size of a walnut. He's unsure. And I am unsure as to why this was a problem, because mom was talking to the cat in a quite loud voice. But it probably wasn't important. David Hernandez is, perfectly, singing a Celine Dion song. He's singing It's All Coming Back to Me Now, which will be like, 13 minutes long if you let it. I expect the judges are going to do that, "When you sing a Celine song ..." thing that they do. Watch. [Edit - They didn't. Huh.] Mom observes that Randy has on a twinkly shirt. Randy says this song was a good choice for David and his Big Voice. Paula says David is getting better and better. Simon says David has 100% secured a place in the finals with that performance.

There's a discussion between David and Ryan about David's shoes. I won't comment on that - it speaks for itself.

Michael Johns had something unfortunate happen to him when he was dressed as Boomer the Roo one time. I didn't catch what it was. Man, I suck tonight. Okay, so he's singing (Don't You) Forget About Me by Simple Minds and wearing a Michael Jackson jacket. I like this guy a really lot. Randy loves that it was like "Aussie boy goes home for 80s week" and says that he reminds him a little of Michael Hutchins. Paula says he has to go all the way through. Simon says that he prefers him when he's singing as a soul singer rather than a wannabe rock singer. He says that he really, really likes Michael though. Randy and Michael discuss that the song was in The Breakfast Club. You're gosh darn right it was. Commercials.

Jason Castro's embarrassing moment - he was on a date, with a girl, he specifies, and went to tie his hair back with - his hair, apparently. Anyway, the dread broke off in his hand. Okay, I'm done with that story. Jason is singing Hallelujah by David Buckley, and he starts on the Stool of Seriousness (tm Shack) and the studio's all dark and atmospheric. Randy says it was a tough song to sing, and then he says, "Good lookin' out, baby." I'm unfamiliar with that phrase. Paula starts a bunch of sentences and doesn't finish them again. She randomly complements all of the guys with a drunken baby seal clap, and then says that Jason is vulnerable and unique and stuff. Simon says that Hallelujah is one of his favorite songs of all time, and that Jason was brilliant. Yay, Jason! Simon says that Jason is getting better and better. Yaaaaay, Jason!

Chikezie went to the same bathroom in high school all the time because it was so clean - and then one day, he notices the sign on the door - "Women's". He always wondered why there were no urinals. See, this is why guys shouldn't go it alone when they go to the bathroom - it's better to go in groups so that you don't inadvertently go to the wrong one. Chikezie is singing All the Woman I Need by various people, like Whitney and Sister Sledge and Luther Vandross. I didn't catch what Randy said, except that the last note surprised both he and Chikezie. Heh. Paula says his vocals are so good tonight, and that everybody is so good tonight, and she's so excited. Yay! Simon says it was a little cabaret.

So, David Cook was my favorite of the night, I think. I finally paid some attention to Jason Castro. I still like Michael Johns a lot. I think, I fear, that my Lukey-Luke is on the chopping block - HOPEFULLY with Noreiga.

Paula ends the show by standing up behind the table and wobbling all over the place, as she says that the guys were, in a word, "Phu-nomenal." See y'all tomorrow! Somebody refill Paula's cup!

I'm off to finish watching Becoming Jane and to make some of my super-awesome fruit salad.

AI7 - Top 10 guys liveblog

Ryan: Blah blah blah, dramatic lighting, superstar will emerge, blah. Now we're on our psychedelic trip on the Idol Green inside-out paper slinky, or whatever that is. It looks like something I made in elementary school and folded it out and then had like 10 of them - know what I mean?

Ryan greets the guys, who are practicing their walking-by-the-camera-real-fast move. Hi guys.

Ryan greets Simon. Simon winks at Ryan. Eeep.

Paula says the kids are growing into their own comfort level. You know, she reminds me of Barack Obama, lots of talking, seems to compliment and uplift everybody, but actually says nothing if you really pay attention. She's less articulate though.

It's Michael Johns! He plays tennis! He's still Australian-ish! His songs come from sports or tennis! He's singing Go Your Own Way by Fleetwood Mac, and has turned the entire studio orange, including his shirt. You know that thing that they say when they say that a song could be a hit on the radio now? I think I know what they mean, because I'd buy Go Your Own Way by Michael Johns. Sorry Fleetwood Mac - Stevie, you know I love you and your gauzy dresses, but this guy is doing your song well. This has worn him out, because he's panting like a dog. Randy - not his best, but he liked it. Pauler Obama says it's a great way to start off the show, he has the whole crowd working. He's a seasoned performer and is already there. Simon says it was his weakest performance and that he is just coasting, but that everybody is. Oh well - so I disagree with Simon. I liked it. Michael says it's a dream to sing a Fleetwood Mac song, so he basically doesn't care what anybody says. He didn't say that last part, though.

Jason Castro has this cute non-interview where he says nothing except that he does interviews badly, so there's lots of messing up and "take two" and giggling. Cute. He's singing I Just Want To Be Your Everything by The Bees and also the Gees. He's strumming his guitar - and you know, they're going to tell him he's coasting too. I can just tell. Randy says if you take the guitar away it was boring - but with the guitar, charming. No guitar = boring. Guitar = charming. Guitar charming, no guitar boring. Okay. Paula likes the way he musically interpreted the song, somehow pushing the song away and then bringing it back to him, and blah blah blah more vulnerable as an artist. (?) Simon thought the song was too schmaltzy and didn't suit his voice. Simon thinks Jason picked a very average, schmaltzy song from all of the good songs available for this decade. Obviously, "schmaltzy" was in Simon's word-of-the-day email today.

Luke Menard is part of a group named Chapter Six. An Acappella group, which he loves because A cappella requires the notes to be right. He thinks it was good preparation for Idol. He also wants us to know that he's Orlando Bloom's long lost brother. I made that one up. He's singing Killer Queen by Queen, which Randy says is a challenging song and that he did pretty good. Paula points out that she fought to get people like him in the top 24 (did she? Hmm. I'll bet she fought for other reasons.) Simon says the trouble is that you're always going to be compared with the original and that he didn't have the charisma of Freddie Mercury (well, duh.) Simon also says he's a bit whiny, like Randy said. Then Randy says, "I did not say that! I said 'theatrical'! Waaaaaah!"

All eyes on Robbie Carrico! Forgive me if I make typing mistakes, as my eyes are on Robbie Carrico. America would be surprised to know that he drag-races cars. Actually, that doesn't surprise me that much. I'd be surprised if he was an award winning flower arranger or something. He'd recommend racing to anyone. Go drag racing, kids! Robbie is singing Hot Blooded and doing up the microphone all Bo Bice style. He's doing a nice job with the vocal - I can always tell that I'm enjoying the performance when I'm not typing because I'm watching. I'm wondering, though - if they all use the same microphone? Because they hold it close to their mouth, and respiratory droplets and influenza season and the vaccine isn't so effective this year and such. Oh well. Randy says something about Robbie not being an authentic rocker. I wasn't listening, because I was having the following conversation:

Mom: Are you talking to someone?
Me: No Mom, I'm liveblogging this show.
Mom: Why do you have to do that?
Me: Idon'thavetoit'sjustthatsomepeopleliketoreadthese.

Then she got the hint that I was trying to actually watch the show. Paula says he played it safe and she thinks he's too caught up with what people think of him, and he should just be who he is and give his all. Ack, that actually made sense. Simon tells Robbie not to be so defensive, and that he thought the vocal was good tonight. Whooooaaaahhhh!

Danny "C'mon Get Happy, Because I Am!" Noreiga was in a punk rock band in 9th grade, with "yelling and screaming and rebellious kids playing instruments" (said with an excellent lisp.) He's like a caricature of himself. Geez, and people were convinced Clay Aiken was gay - he looks like Brad Pitt next to this kid. Anyway, Danny and I have the same haircut, I think, and he's singing Superstar, and wearing a sweater that he borrowed from my grandma. The vocal is not terrible - if I just heard it cold, with no pre-performance clip or post-performance critique, and I couldn't see him, then I might even like it. Randy says he's a fan, but that he's got this slow vibrato that he should work on. And that he's also thinking while he's singing, which is messing him. Paula says to try to "forget about us" while he's singing (Pauler, no offense, but it's not you that he's thinking about.) Simon says that he likes him because he stands out and is original, and that he looks terrific on camera. Ack. Then Danny does that annoying thing that girls who are like, 18-24 do on their MySpace and/or Facebook pictures - that lips-pushed-out not-quite-kissyface thing. I HATE that.

Ryan reminds us that the guys are singing tonight, in case we were confused after Danny Noreiga's performance, and that the girls are singing TOMORROW. David Hernandez tells us that he used to be a gymnast, then gives us a detailed description about putting on his leotard and the leggings that went over them. Well, I could have done without that. Anyway, David is singing Papa Was a Rolling Stone, and it's a good performance. He sounds good to me, and he's throwing in some dance moves and good inflections. Oh, and a glory note! Much better than last week. (EDIT - maybe David's dance moves were honed at the gay strip clubs for which he supposedly danced.) Randy is laughing about the little jump at the end, and says that THIS is the David Hernandez that we fell in love with. Speak for yourself, I'm not in love with him yet. Paula says that his voice is so pure that it pierces right in the pocket. Huh? It's like she takes a bunch of cliches and mixes them all together, adds a splash of vodka and says whatever comes out. She's glad that he didn't overdo the song and didn't growl. Did he growl last week? I missed it. She says it was perfect. Simon gives it his Best Vocal of the Night Award. He says that he likes that when he's given criticism, he treats it as a challenge instead of sulking. David thanks God. Now I need some Diet Pepsi.

Jason Yeager picked up a piano when he was really young (amazing! A mini-Hercules!) He also picks up guitars. He's not using his instruments in Idol yet, but will if he finds the right song. He's singing Long Train Running by The Doobie Brothers. It's meh. Randy says that there are so many great 70s songs, and that he picked a song that isn't really a singer's song and that he had some pitch problems. Paula says that it's a song without many notes in it, so that it doesn't show his vocal range. Very diplomatic, Pauler. Simon says that last week was boring and that this week was worse, and that the ending that he did was bad. He calls the performance "ghastly" and says that he looked like he was drunk at a party. Jason is doing this annoying thing with his tongue. I want him to stop it now. He does stop it, and starts blathering on and on about being their dependable dog and blah blah blah. I really hate it when they let the judges advice go in one ear and out the other. They've given these kids a HUGE advantage in achieving their dreams to be musicians, and I hate ungratefulness. And sometimes Simon is uncouth (like certain doctors I've worked with) but there's constructive criticism in there SOMEWHERE. Even in the mean and hateful doctor's Why Are You In Medical School diatribe, there was one thing that I was able to fish out and work on the next day. So Jason annoys me and I'm ready for him to go away.

Chikezie tells us that his name is Nigerian, and was constantly mispronounced until he finally let the mispronunciation be the actual pronunciation. His name means "something well-created by God". Well, that's nice. Well-created by God, mispronounced by humans. Doesn't that describe almost everything? He's singing I Believe To My Soul by Van Morrison (also by Ray Charles) and I'm underwhelmed, but he does appear to be having fun. Randy says, again, that THIS is the guy that we fell in love with. (It's the catchphrase of the day, spread it like wildfire.) He says Chikezie is in it to win it. Paula likes the fact that he picked a story-song and pointed at Simon with the line "you better remember my name". Heh. That was pretty clever, as much as I hate to agree with Paula. Simon tells him that it was the right song and that it was a million times better than last week. There's a cute little banter about whether Chikezie would wear the orange suit again, and he says that he's worn it on TV and can't do a repeat - that only Simon can do that. BUUUUURN! Simon's all, "Just when I was starting to like you," and asks Chikezie's mother in the audience if she's horrified. She is. Laughs all around.

David Cook is a word nerd and can say lots of 15-cent words. He can say them really fast too. He also does crosswords. I love him. He's playing a guitar and singing All Right Now by Free. Good performance - I'd buy that song too. The music sounded great. Randy liked the "rock star" thing where he threw his pick out in the crowd. Ha. Pauler says it was very smart, fun, and relevant to who he is, and she loved it. Simon says it was solid and sort-of believable. He says he didn't think the pre-performance clip did him any favors because "crosswords are boring". Pffft. I thought was endearing. Not so endearing, though, is when Will Shortz / David pulled a Justin Guarini with the "maybe that's what you think, but America gets to pick".

David Archueta's pre-performance clip is a home video of him at the AI1 summer tour, and he must have gotten backstage passes or something, because he's singing for a bunch of the Idols, including Kelly Clarkson, and he's amazing. Wow. Kelly's all "You're the bees knees!" or something - you can tell she's impressed by him. Speaking of being impressed by him - he's doing a great job on Imagine. Wow, I think I'm going to cry. Randy says he's been saying all this year that it's about the young ones, and says it's one of the best performances on this stage. He asks why David didn't choose the first verse, and David says he sang the third verse because he likes the message and it's his favorite verse. Paula is wiping away tears and says that it was one of the most moving performances she's ever seen. I hate to be a blubbering mess like Pauler, but I was a little teary too. It's just such a great song (although it's too idealistic to ever happen, at least until the Millennial Reign) and here's this kid singing it so perfectly. Anyway, they show his parents in the audience - I think his dad is crying too. Simon says he's the one to beat and that there are 19 other miserable contestants. David still looks very humble and "aww shucks" though - I hope he stays that way. I think he's going to be #2, if he doesn't win - but I predict him to be around a long time.

Okay, my top 3: David Archueta, Luke Menard, Michael Johns. Honorable mention to David Hernandez for the comeback. (Striken after the edit up there.) And I like David Cook for his crossword nerdiness, but I'm mad at him for talking back to Simon so I'm not putting him in my top this week.

On the chopping block: Jason Yeager and maybe Robbie Carrico.

Quote of the episode goes to Paula, to David Archueta: "I want to squeeze you, I want to squish you, I want to pop your head off and dangle you from my rearview mirror." Started off normal, ended creepily. Classic Paula.

AI7 - Top 12 guys - A LIVEBLOG, y'all!

Ah, the familiar AI stage. Ryan spends about 5 minutes making sure we understand that the auditions are OVER and we now get to CHOOSE. I'm wondering if Ryan is getting tired of this gig. I could almost hear it in his intro: "THIS ..." (I hate my life) "Is American Idol."

Oh geez, Danny Noreiga - you don't want anyone to be having one of those "is he or isn't he" discussions, do you?

David Arc-somebody is the guy with the tinglies that I said reminds me a little of a junior-high Scott.

Words of advice from the judges? Randy - Keep it real, man. Paula - pick the right songs. Apparently Simon is babbling and not letting her think. Right. Simon is looking for personality and originality, and someone who sings well.

Triple duh to all of that.

And now a quick recap, before we pay the bills - there's silly string, high-pitched screams, and the "OLLYWOOD" sign. Oh - I guess I should get a wide-screen TV.

Heeeeere's David Hernandez, with our first song from the 60s. He's 24 years old and from Glendale, AZ. It comes from his soul when he sings, and not his larynx like everyone else. He says he's from a broken family and lived in low income housing, which is what makes the singing come from the soul and not the larynx where it would normally come from. I wonder how long you have to live in low-income housing for that phenomenon to occur? Anyway, he was a wreck on the elevator last week, and Simon told him he's got to work a heck of a lot harder. We shall see. He's singing Wilson Pickett's "In the Midnight Hour", with a different arrangement (a slow, gospel-ish beginning with an organ.) Those last couple of notes were a little sour, but I didn't see anything particularly wrong with him. Randy tells him to watch the long phrasing, yo. And then Randy gets all excited because the competition is ONNNNN! Paula says something about coloring up his vibratto. Simon admits that it's better than he thought - he liked the beginning, the middle was "rabbit in the headlights" (huh?) and a few bad notes in the end. He also says there wasn't anything particularly distinctive about it. I agree. Jay says his self-confidence is better from the comments. It was probably the rabbit in the headlights comment - I know *I* feel better about myself when someone calls me a rabbit.

Next is the guy who shows the importance of sticking to your dreams. It's Chikezie! He auditioned last year and got to Hollywood, but then was sent home. Sucks for him. Apparently he practiced a little, and now he's back. He's nice and smiley. I hope he does well. He's wearing an orange suit, singing that he doesn't remember what day it was or what time it was - I'm thinking that I don't know what notes those were and that he's starting off rather badly. (Actually, he's singing More Today Than Yesterday by Spiral Starecase.) Okay, maybe it was nerves - he's getting better. Randy says Chikezie is an old-fashioned singer and that he needs to young-it-up. Paula reassures him that he's here, in case he didn't know. She says he looks good and has lost a lot of weight, and that his smile is infectious. Simon stumbles over Chikezie (I would too) calling him something like "Jacuzzi" and says he hated the whole performance. Chikezie is getting attitude-y and isn't letting him finish. Simon is saying the wink and the suit and such were too cheesy, Chikezie. Chikezie is trying to explain - it's the 60s genre, and the 60s were cheesy. Okay. Chikezie isn't understanding the criticism and is acting in that annoying "I know more than the judges" way. Don't do that, Chikezie. No! Bad dog!

Ryan's on the red couch with Colton Berry, who would like the audience to know that he looks like Ellen DeGeneres at certain angles. Eeep. He also reassures us that since the judges tell him he's too theatrical, he's been trying to tone it down (heh - I first typed "tutone it down", which involves using real phone numbers in songs and tormenting people with that phone number through all eternity.) Anyway, I'm glad he's Tutoning it down. I've been losing sleep over that all week.

David Cook is too relaxed, says Ryan. He's 25 and from Missouri. Simon said that his audition in Omaha was either a bit "wordy" or "worthy". Huh? A question for the ages, because now even Simon can't remember what he said. In Hollywood, it seems that holding on to a guitar makes David too comfortable. Maybe I should put one in my white coat pocket. David needlessly says that it's good to have people say, "Hey, you don't suck." David, we already knew that. David starts on the Stool of Seriousness (tm Shack) and is singing So Happy Together. I liked the arrangement, although the very end sounded a little strained and I was afraid he was going to throw the mic stand. Randy felt it, dawg. Paula tries to make fun of the wordy/worthy thing, and fails miserably. Simon didn't like the weird middle but says that he almost made it believeable. Ryan asks Randy if he's seeing David's persona evolve. Randy answers and says something about Alice in Chains. Well.

A one-hour results show - ick. Lots of filler. But I will watch, because AI does that to me. Jason Yeager is a singing surfer. Or a singing surgeon. Surfer, I think. Jason took his kid to Hollywood, and naturally hugged his son after getting his Hollywood ticket in a lovely family moment. He wants to win to show his son that he can achieve his dreams. Oh dear - he's going to milk this son/family thing for all it's worth (for more information, see Grayson, Josh.) Jason is singing Moon River from the Stool of Seriousness. But no! He has arisen! He's just so excited about two drifters off to see the world. He's singing well, but smiling in weird places. And look, his son! In the audience! Did you know he had a son? Randy says it's a tough song to sing, and it's tougher than Jason probably even thought. Kind of like medical school. (Randy didn't say that, I did.) Randy actually gives some real advice and tells him not to lose his concentration in the middle of a song like that, because it seems that he kind of went away halfway through. Paula tries to say the same thing Randy said, fails miserably because it was actually coherent and useful, and ends up saying that she did her first ballet recital to that song. Awwwww. Jason talks about his grandmother, because she taught him the song. Awwwwwwww. Nobody told me I was going to need tissues! Good grief, people. Simon thought it was very cruise ship - how'd I know he was going to say that? Simon also says that some of us are sitting at home with question marks over our heads. I don't see one above my head, FYI. The judges get into a weird conversation about dogs, and Simon gets a little defensive and says he's raised a LOT of dogs from puppies, darn it! Oooookay. Don't touch that dial!

Ryan reminds us that we're voting for our favorite guy, instead of our favorite girl or favorite sandwich or favorite houseplant. Look, it's Robbie Carrico, everybody! And we're going to time-warp to Robbie Carrico's audition, where Robbie Carrico is looking a lot like Bo Bice! Pauler is looking very googly-eyed at him at his audition. Apparently, Robbie was in a group (Boyz N Girlz United - Bwahahahahaha. Info courtesy of Katrina) and toured with Britney Spears. Ack. He says that he was dying to do some rock after that (understandably.) He did Hemorrhage (In my Hands) by Fuel in Hollywood, and it turned out really well, which surprised him. Now he's doing One is the Loneliest Number - which is one of my favorite songs about numbers. Is he rocking it up just a bit? Cool. Then again, it needs something because the song only has one and a half lines of lyrics. I might like this guy. Stay tuned. Robbie had Randy rockin' out. Pauler says it's the perfect song for him, he looks fantastic, he was authentic, and droooooooooool. Simon says it's the only performance we've seen that had any semblance of making sense, because Robbie made it current. Simon is perplexed, trying to decide if he's a rock or pop singer, and decides the best way to figure this out is to ask Robbie. Robbie says something that I thought was "Pop", but I guess it was "Rock." I don't think Simon believes him.

David Archuleta - he's all shaky and giggly. And he looks like he's eleven. And he's singing Shop Around. He sounds pretty good, but the background vocals are bad and are distracting, IMO. He didn't change the song a bit - except for slowing down the ending, which isn't really changing it. Judges? Randy says he's a big fan and that it was really brilliant. Apparently, according to Randy, David sang the song very maturely for a 17-year-old. All right then. Paula has forgotten how old he is, and sees a confident older soul who "knows what's best for you." She's such a blatherer. I think she means she's trying to rationalize away the fact that he's jailbait. Simon loved it. David is speechless and is babbling all over the place. Ryan says, "You're so likeable." Awww! Randy lurves David. Cute. Here's the thing, though - David's gotta start saying actual words and not just mumble through a bunch of giggles.

Ryan does some really hard math for us - we started with 12, we've seen six - which leaves ... oh, how many, how many??? Six. Thanks Ryan. Oh my, Danny Noreiga. He got cut last year. He's got a nice voice (sorry, Katrina, but something about his voice reminds me a smidge of Clay Aiken. Not the gay part, though. Really, I promise. I'm not trying to blow the dust off of dead horses in order to kick them without causing my allergies to flare.) Danny's singing Jailhouse Rock by Elvis. The girls are politely rocking out. The performance was meeehhhhh. Randy asks what's going down, and Danny says nothing much is going down. You know, it's hard to answer Randy's questions, really it is. Randy says Danny knows how to have a good time no matter what, and that the vocals didn't allow him to do his thing. But that the vocals were kind of hot. Okay. Paula gives a few synonyms of hot - she randomly says, "warm, scalding" and then says she loves how his voice goes in and out of all of these wonderful colors. Simon doesn't understand Pauler (does anyone?) and finally asks her about the colors - "what color was that?" Blue? Purple? Heh. Simon calls the performance grotesque and says that if you're going to do Elvis, do it well. I agree. He says that if someone just tuned in and saw someone butchering an Elvis song, they wouldn't believe this was the most talented group of people in America. Then the judges bicker for awhile, during which Paula doesn't listen and Simon makes lots of sense. On the seal with Ryan, Danny gets all snippy and catty - "Some people didn't LIKE IT." That's actually what judges do, though - sometimes they like it, sometimes they don't. They judge stuff. I liked his audition vocals better, myself.

Ryan points out the ladies and asks if they're feeling good. He ponders whether the next idol will be a lady or will it be Luke Menard? Hmmmm. Luke auditioned in season 6 in Memphis, and was cut there. He practiced, worked on things, and got a golden ticket in Omaha. And then he and his wife jumped up and down! Yay! It was so fun! Then he made the top 24, and some guys picked him up and gave him high fives! Hooray! Luke is singing Everybody's Talking, more slowly than the versions I've heard. He doesn't work the stage very well - standing there with his hands through his beltloops or in his pockets or something - and his vocals are forgettable. Let's see what the judges say - I'll bet Pauler heard colors or saw lyrics or smelled butterflies or something. Randy calls "pitchy". It wasn't great for him, dude. Paula didn't think it was the best song choice and was glad his earlier auditions were good - that he has that Kenny Loggins tenderness. (?) Simon asks Pauler what color it was, and she said it wasn't black or gray. (I'm guessing this is a joke about his choices in T-shirts.) Simon says it was forgettable (after I wrote it up there, I promise) and that no one is going to remember him. Then he shushes Paula because she's blathering on and interrupting him. Luke says he felt good when he was singing and didn't agree with Simon and me on the "forgettable" assessment. He thinks people will remember the performance tomorrow. Keep on dreaming, Luke. Ryan gives Pauler a non-existent "Patience" award. Or maybe it's a "Patient" award. That would make much more sense.

Colton Berry, He of the Light Eyelashes, is next. Dang, he keeps revealing embarrassing things about himself. He sings the Teletubbies theme song in his head when he's nervous, which he did for about three hours before auditioning. He says this is all he's ever wanted. I guess he didn't want anything at all before 2002. Not even a Tickle-Me Elmo, and everybody wanted one of those. Anyway, he's singing Suspicious Minds and appears very happy to be there. I think they've dyed his hair and eyelashes and he looks much better. Mercy, his dancing is spastic and bad. The singing is okay, though. Randy points out that he was having fun and that he found his way toward the end. (Better to find your way at the beginning, but whatever.) Pauler agrees with the "fun" assessment. She doesn't think it's his best performance. Simon says it's not as bad as the other Elvis song. He reminds us that this show is to find a recording artist, and that he heard Young Kid Singing Song Well On Musical Theater. Ryan asks him to elaborate. Simon calls it kareoke and Paula clarifies by saying something like, "Maybe you'll show another side and that side will better kareoke..." Huh? Whatever it was, it was particularly nonsensical, even for Pauler.

Ryan points out that Garrett Haley hasn't had much camera time, but that Kelly Clarkson didn't either. Also, though, Kelly could SANG and she was cute and she was very likeable. Garrett tells us he's been watching the show since he was 9 or 10 (I am OLD) and he thinks he looks like Ellen DeGeneres too. Stop the madness, people! None of you look like Ellen DeGeneres! Garrett was on vacation and decided to audition - his mom said, "Go big or go home." I think his mom should write a book. Garrett is singing a painfully slow version of Breaking Up Is Hard to Do, and I'm recalling choreography from Richard Simmons's Sweating to the Oldies. Shut up. Garrett is singing well, it's just too slow. He should have switched it up in the middle or something. I mean, good grief, I've cleaned out two closets and defragged my hard drive since he's been singing. And made toast. Anybody else want some? Oh wait, he's done now. The crowd is going berserk, but I don't know why. Randy is not going berserk. He says that he loves the song and gives props to Neil Sedaka, but that Garrett didn't do anything with the song and didn't bring anything new or interesting. Garrett also had a couple of pitch problems, says Randy. Oh man, Pauler just agreed with what I said up there. I think I shall poke myself in the eyeball. Simon agrees with the others and says that he looks like he's been shut up in his bedroom for a few months - he needs some sunlight, fresh air, and needs to make himself young. What? Garrett assures us that he's breathing, and I think Paula has fallen asleep. Someone please check her pupils for miosis or mydriasis. Did Simon just call Garrett a young girl? Anyway, Simon tells Garrett he needs to become relevant. I agree. Garrett reacts very well to this, says it's constructive criticism that he'll take to heart, and doesn't show the ridiculous attitude that we saw from Chikezie.

Ryan reminds us of the iTunes thing, that we can carry around the top 24 in our pocket. Whee! It's just what I've always wanted. Jason Castro is 20 years old and from Texas. He says he'd only sung in public about 5 times before his audition in Dallas, and that he plays drums. He also plays guitar, and did so in Hollywood - Simon called it one of his favorite auditions that day. Jason is singing What A Day For A Daydream, accompanied by himself on guitar, and I'm actually enjoying his performance - with a bit of head-bobbing, even. He's showing some good range, and his voice is enjoyable. Judges - Randy says he's a little pitchy and was a'ight, but didn't blow him away. Jason DID blow Pauler away - she's all over herself with praise. He picked a song perfect for him, it was minimal, effortless, and he was a blend of every favorite color she knows. So, she liked it. Simon says that Jason was in the top 2 of the night, along with David. He says that Jason's got charisma, and that his performance was terrific. Jason is obviously nervous and can't find any words. He says that the judges comments "feel[s] good."

Michael Johns - 29 years old and from Australia originally. He's been in the United States for 10 years. Oh, this is the guy that did the great Bohemian Rhapsody in Hollywood! I'd forgotten his name, but I like this guy. He seems articulate too, which I like. He's singing Light My Fire by The Doors. This is what he sang in the Hollywood first round, isn't it? Whatever, it sounded really great. Randy says that this is a great way to end a great night and that he threw all caution to the wind - he says Michael was the bomb tonight. Pauler says that he did set everyone on fire. Ouch. Simon calls Michael the most consistent contestant they have, although he didn't like this as much as Bohemian Rhapsody because he was "overtrying". Great review from Simon - he says that Michael has just "got it". Michael's feeling good about this, considering that he was nervous about Simon's critique. Ryan begs us not to let your favorite disappear.

My favorites:

1. Michael Johns
2. Jason Castro
3. David Cook

And I think David Archuleta is cute. That is all. So ends my foray into live-blogging - did you like? Should I do it again sometime?