A Good Week! Yay!

I've seen the best
I've seen the worst
I wouldn't change what I've been through
I've touched the sky
I've hit the wall
But I did what I had to

On my way here
Where I am now
I've learned to fly, I have to want to leave the ground
I've fallen hard
But I've been loved
And in the end it all works out
My faith has conquered fear
On my way here
Clay Aiken, On My Way Here

Part of the lyrics from the first single on his new album that was released Tuesday (May 6th) - I love it. It makes me cry, and it's almost like he's been living my life for the past few years (although I realize he didn't write the song.) Anyway, the whole album is good - his best yet by far, in my opinion. Of course, I will always love that voice, and the production quality and the songs seem better this time around.

So! I finished my first week back at school and I have lots to say, but I just wanted to let y'all know that I have had a GREAT week, and I am loving life right now, and I'm all-over-the-place thankful to my Lord, from whom all good things come. He is so good to me. I'll write more later about what I've been up to this week, for those of you who are interested! But for now, I'm a sleepy girl and I need a nap. :-)

Before I went back to school, I got my hair cut and my hair guy (Ron Wilson from Ron Wilson Hair Gallery, he is fantastic) talked me into highlights:

I decided after awhile that they were too red and were making me look a little washed out (and I'm translucent anyway) so I bought some Perfect 10 at Walmart and darkened the red a little. The red still shows through, but not so much, which is exactly what I wanted. I was scared as I was washing out my Walmart dye, though, because the suds? Were purple. Lavender, actually. So I was terrifed that I'd end up like one of those little ladies with violet hair. To ease your troubled mind - I didn't.

More later.

THIS is the rest of the story

Back in November, I wrote a post that I titled, "The Lord answers prayers, part deux" about Scott's employment and how God really answers prayers and is faithful in taking care of our needs. I thought it was probably best for me not to be very detailed at the time, but I can be now, and I am so so so sooooo relieved and happy about this that I just have to write about it. It's going to take me a little while to get there, though, so hang on. When Scott came back from Virginia Tech with his Ph.D. in 2005 to do a postdoc at the university here, I was ecstatic. (See?) But in the back of my mind, I knew that a postdoc is a temporary position (his was for 3 years.) And after that, what? Like I've said before, I am a total homebody and this area is and always will be home, because this is where a big part of my large extended family is, and this is where I have always lived. It's more than that, though, really - some people enter medicine and feel called to join Doctors Without Borders, or to do missionary work overseas. I admire those who heed that calling, but I see a need here - here, an area that has always been home to me, full of people who have helped and encouraged me along the way. Friends of the family, teachers, church family, on and on - I am an "almost doctor" because of God and because of the encouragement and prayers from my loved ones here at home. It doesn't make any sense for me to grow up here among all of this love and encouragement, get my medical training, and then go to Timbuktu to care for people there. I feel that I should give back to all of those who have been there for me throughout my life - they need healthcare as well, and nothing else makes sense to me. To go elsewhere and use my degree just seems silly.

And also, there's Scott. Scott, who I've given 10 years of my life - the years when I was my prettiest, the years when other guys my age were the most available (now they're all married or engaged - heh) - but I don't begrudge those years at all, because I also gave Scott my heart, at the very beginning, and I'm never getting it back.

Not only do I just love him to pieces, but he is such a wonderful person, y'all - he's crazy brilliant, but he's also country at heart (I'm a hunting widow every fall, there's wildlife hanging on the walls of his house that he once saw alive, and his freezer is a mixture of goodness from the slaughterhouse - deer and pig. Eeeeck.) He's completely adorable with his niece and nephews, and they love him right back. He will spend hours watching sci-fi with his grandma. He loves his mama. He has shelves and shelves of Bible study materials that he actually uses - he teaches Sunday School and teaches Bible study one Wednesday per month, and hasn't missed Sunday school for almost 25 years. YEARS! He doesn't smoke, drink, or curse - he has never tasted beer or been in a bar. He's witty and makes me laugh. He's completely trustworthy, responsible, and reliable. I've never, ever, not in 10 years, been suspicious about another girl (although there is one that I'm irrationally jealous about for no particular reason.) Oh, and he's cute, too. And to beat it all, I gave my heart to his family as well - and they're all here, too. The only thing I can't figure out is why Scott picked ME and seems to have settled on the fact that I'm the only one for him, when he could do so much better. Oh well.

So you can see why I'd want to keep him, and why I want to keep him HERE. And for seven years now, since he left for graduate school, I have worried and prayed about his future employment - prayed, worried, prayed, worried, felt that things were all right, then went back to worrying, and praying, and worrying. I couldn't imagine leaving home and I couldn't imagine saying goodbye to Scott - the thought of either brought a flood of tears and more worrying and praying. But God is so faithful. The worrying was so unnecessary, and all of the tears and lost sleep and anxiety and panic was without merit, because I serve a big God and He loves me, and He loves Scott, and He had the whole thing figured out a long time ago.

Yesterday Scott found out that his application for a tenure-track assistant professorship at the local university, our alma mater (where we met, actually), was accepted. Starting in August, he'll be a professor of chemistry at [BLANK] University. And in about 7 years, when he gets tenure and becomes a full professor, then that's a darn-well permanent position. Not like these chemical companies that are here for awhile, and they hire chemists, and then all of a sudden they'll be like, "By the way, you're moving to Texas tomorrow." Scott has a good job here at home, in his field, that uses his degree. God is so, so good, and I love Him. And Scott. And everybody. I love everybody!

One of my favorite verses applies again:

For I know the thoughts that I think toward you, saith the LORD, thoughts of peace, and not of evil, to give you an expected end (Jeremiah 29:11).

Do you think this means I shouldn't worry so much about getting through medical school, because God is going to work that out too? Hmmm ...

This is Scott and two of his nephews and his niece - when he would come back home from Virginia to visit, they'd all just pile on him. It was so cute.

Life's good.

Kim is ...

... already tired of that "I drink your milkshake up" line. Already! That didn't take long.

"His legs flail about as if independent from his body!"

I actually managed to cajole Scott into going with me to see Michael Flatley's Lord of the Dance tonight, and he admitted afterwards that he did not hate it. Yay! I decided at the last minute (Wednesday, so I guess it was like, the last 30 minutes in this analogy I have going) to check for tickets, and came up with 2nd row, so I had to buy them, you know? And, being the best girlfriend ever (ha) I never insist that Scott do something with me that I know he would hate or that he wouldn't enjoy in the least (so I don't drag him to a bunch of girl movies - or at least I don't think I do. He may see things differently!) But he said that out of all the things that I could have bought tickets to see, this was something that he would probably dislike the least. So he went with me.

And I enjoyed the performance - it's not that much unlike clogging, which I used to do, if you'll remember (there were some videos in the sidebar until my soon to be ex-hosting company, GoDaddy, got their panties in a wad over "non-web content" on my server. So I deleted the videos, but I'll reupload when I switch everything over to AN Hosting / midphase, my new host.) Anyway, the Irish step dancing, or whatever the proper term is, was similiar to clogging in foot movements, but is a bit more kicky. And the music is a lot more Irish, obviously.

The guys tended to wear very unfortunate pants.

The girls were all wearing floufy waist-length hair extensions, which were very pretty and bouncy and made me decide that I want some.

There was some singing, which didn't make a great deal of sense to me - I guess it was filler so that the dancers could change and whatnot. The singing was either partially in Irish or she sang very longingly about lawn chairs. I seemed to hear "lawn chair" a lot - or not.

I think the moral of the story was - if a dark and evil princess threatens to steal your man, you can scare her off if you and your girlfriends rip off your dresses in unison to reveal matching two-piece costumes underneath.

The quote that I used for a title is from a Friends episode - appropriate because Michael Flatley, Lord of the Dance is revealed as a phenomenon that scares the beejeezus out of Chandler, and the reason for his fear is elucidated in that quote.

That is all. I hope everybody had a happy Valentine's Day!

The lyrics to this song touch me so much.

Christy and Jay and I finally had our Dreamgirls date (we had a pact that none of us would watch it unless we watched it together) and it was just fantastic. This song by Beyonce (a la Deena Jones), Listen, has lyrics that really speak to me and that I would write, partially, if I were a songwriter. Sometimes I feel that the people I love in my life just do not understand what I'm trying to do in school, and that it HAS to be the most important thing in my life right now, or I'm not going to get through it. I feel like I don't have a choice. You can't half-do medical school, you know? And I've bolded some phrases that are particularly relevant.

My first rotation, psychiatry, started Monday - and I've been composing a mental post all week, so that will come later when I'm not so exhausted. For now, let's all sing.

Listen to the song here in my heart
a melody I start but can't complete

Listen to the sound from deep within
It's only beginning to find release

Oh, the time has come for my dreams to be heard
They will not be pushed aside and turned
Into your own, all 'cause you won't listen

[chorus]
Listen
I am alone at a crossroads
I'm not at home in my own home
And I've tried and tried
To say what's on my mind
You should have known
Now I'm done believing you
You don't know what I'm feeling
I'm more than what
You've made of me
I followed the voice you gave to me
But now I've gotta find my own
You should have listened

There was someone here inside
Someone I thought had died
So long ago
Oh I'm screaming out
And my dreams will be heard
They will not be pushed aside or turned
Into your own
All 'cause you won't listen

[chorus]
Listen
I am alone at a crossroads
I'm not at home in my own home
And I've tried and tried
To say what's on my mind
You should have known
Now I'm done believing you
You don't know what I'm feeling
I'm more than what
You've made of me
I followed the voice you gave to me
But now I've gotta find my own
You should have listened

I don't know where I belong
But I'll be moving on
If you don't, if you won't

Listen to the song here in my heart
A melody I start, but I will complete

Now I am done believing you
You don't know what I am feeling
I'm more than what you've made of me
I followed the voice you think you gave to me

But now I got to find my own - my own

I'm not mad at anyone, I'm just tired. If you love me, please try to understand and support me.

Father's Day & Mother's Day, both a little late

I meant to do this on Mother's Day, but I had some evil test or another - or, now that I think about it, I believe I had just finished a set of blocks and was still in post-block stupor. (A phenomenon, by the way, with which only medical students can identify - or maybe all professional students in the sciences (dental students, pharmacy students, physical therapy students) - I don't know. Anyway, what happens to me and some members of my class is that after we have exams, we can't seem to form coherent sentences. They come out sounding like Steve Martin's water-smudged "Dear John" letter from Bernadette Peters in The Jerk* - "I meant to tell you that blah bluh blee, and then we can bloo blah." And then one stares into space for about seven minutes. Sometimes we would go out for lunch after our last exam, and I would have a horrible time ordering. "I'd like a guacamole side plate of tomato dressing, I mean, a salad with extra plates and side guacamole on the dressed tomatoes, I mean, a plate of salad with extra tomatoes, dressing on the side and guacamole no. Oh well, that's good enough." Poor waitresses. No wonder we make them run away. And strangely enough, when I'm speaking post-test jibberish, other medical students can understand me.)

Enough about that. Then I meant to do this for Father's Day yesterday, but I was busy hanging out with my dad in between naps. (His naps and my naps!) So, I love my mom and dad to pieces and wanted to say so. Here's some pictures of wee Kim with Mom and with Dad (I think you can figure out which is which.) Forgive Dad's unfortunate hair - it was the 70s, after all. And wasn't my Mom so pretty? That's probably what I was trying to tell her.

Or maybe I was saying, "I want a cat." Or, "My pancreas hurts." Or, "What's an anxiety disorder?" Speaking of anxiety disorders and my pancreas, my parents are so understanding and helpful when I'm hurting, mentally or physically. I know that when I hurt, they hurt, and when my heart breaks, theirs breaks twice as much. I will never be able to pay them back for all that they have given me, and I love them dearly. By example, my Mom has taught me compassion, generosity and the importance of family. (And also how to cook stuff.) And Dad is my definition of hard work, responsibility and sacrifice. He's a great businessman and I am totally going to enlist his help in building my own medical practice if I ever decide to do so.

They both make me feel very loved and cared for, and I hope they know that I love them right back. From then to now ...

* Here's a mp3 if you haven't heard that scene. (Right click and "save target as", as usual.) There's some other great quotes from the movie here at "got wavs?" - man, that's a funny movie. Maybe I should watch it again.

Dave Matthews on House? Squeeeee!

I read in TV Guide this week that Dave Matthews is going to be a guest star (i.e., Patient of the Week) on House M.D. in March. He'll play a pianist. Oh man, my head may explode. I am endlessly entertained by them both.

In other House news, there was a good song at the end of tonight's episode - Grey Room by Damien Rice (iTunes). I Googled the lyrics and then added it to my iTunes cart.

Speaking of lyrics - some particular lyrics of one of my favorite songs in the world, Long Ride Home by Patty Griffin (iTunes - go preview it at least - Patty Griffin is amazing) have been really hitting home with me lately:

Forty years go by with someone lying in your bed
Forty years of things you say you wish you'd never said
How hard would it have been to say some kinder words instead
I wonder as I stare up at the sky turning red

I've had some time to think about you
And watch the sun sink like a stone
I've had some time to think about you
On the long ride home

Headlights staring at the driveway
The house is dark as it can be
I go inside and all is silent
It seems as empty as the inside of me ...

I guess I'm grateful for life's ebbs and flows - it makes you appreciate the good times when you have to go through bad ones. But still - sometimes, I just feel emotionally drained - like I just have nothing left to give.

*sign*