Just because I'm curious (and I don't know why I didn't think to ask this when I finished all of my rotations, because I think it's interesting to compare) - how did your OBGYN rotation go, if you happen to be a medical student reading this (or ex-medical student)? How were the attendings, residents? Did you feel that everyone hated your guts? (Sorry, that was probably just me, actually.) What was your schedule like? And what kinds of things did you do - like a week in L&D, a week on Gyn surgery, a few clinic days, etc.?

I'm just interested in how things are done at other medical schools. I know some students from other places (like the one from hither and the other guy from yon) read here sometimes - and maybe a few from my school too. If you're from my school, could you say so in your comment? You don't have to leave your name if you don't want to, and don't mention the school name either, because I don't think I ever have on the blog. Just tell me you go to school with me.

Or, nobody say anything at all. That would be okay too.

And also, I'm terrified of getting my OBGYN evaluation back - 50% of our grade comes from clinical evaluations (30% from attendings, 20% from residents.) I'm particularly afraid of the residents part, since I really did feel disliked. It could have been because I posted a few weeks ago about being disappointed in the rotation and such - but can't I say that? I've already picked up this year that we're supposed to be super-human robots who are made of stone and lack emotions (and think all patients in pain are drug-seeking trash) but are we also expected to pretend everyone and everything is wonderfully wonderful? Because it (and they) just isn't (and aren't.) I've always been one to not hide the way I really feel about things - I get really irritated when people are sweet as can be to your face and then rip you behind your back, and I just won't do that. Maybe I wasn't supposed to say that the atmosphere in the department was just weird, and not really conducive to learning at all - but that's how I felt. And it made me feel less crazy to find out that other students who had been through the rotation felt the same way as I did about things. So I thought I might make someone feel better, who was feeling the way I did but thought they were the only one. That's all. I didn't mean to hurt anybody or slander anyone - I didn't mention any names. I was just venting. And also, after that post (which I know was read and discussed by at least a few of the residents) they seemed quite a bit nicer to me. But maybe that was only to my face. Disclaimer: I'm not lumping everyone into the same group. Some of the residents and attendings were really great. (Actually, almost every attending was really great. I only got the "I hate your guts" vibe from one.)

Oh well, I can't do anything about it now. I did the same thing that I did on the previous three rotations - I was interested (genuinely), I asked questions (at least until I felt so uncomfortable that I stopped), I tried to see as many patients and write as many notes and be as helpful as possible (the patients seemed to appreciate me, at least - one of the ladies told me that I was the kindest person she had encountered in the hospital. Ha.) And I tried to improve - if I made a mistake, I tried not to make it twice. And also, darn it all, I'm a happy and cheerful person - but when you feel so unliked for no apparent reason, and when your attempts to help and be friendly and learn things fall flat time after time, it's just hard to keep that up.

But I haven't gotten anything close to a negative evaluation before (except for that one guy, The Attending Who Shall Not Be Named) and since the consensus is that OBGYN is the worst rotation of the 3rd year (I've heard over and over that Surgery is busier with more work and more hours, but the atmosphere is much better) I don't expect to get any negative evaluations from my last two, Pediatrics and Surgery. These evaluations are used to write our "Dean's Letter" (which is now called something else, but I can't remember what) that goes along with our residency applications. If something negative shows up only once, it can be tossed, assuming a personality conflict or a misunderstanding or something. But if it's a recurring pattern of the same negative thing popping up in the evaluation for more than one rotation, it stays.

So I'm not that worried about what the evaluation will actually SAY (although it may upset me, just because I felt really misunderstood and that the department didn't actually get to know the real me) but I am worried about my grade. Since the "clinical" part, like I said, is 50% of my grade, they could easily trash me and make half of my grade really bad - impossible to make up. And if I don't get a C or better in the rotation, I have to do the whole horrible thing over again.

Ack! I'm driving myself nuts. I'll stop blathering, and you can tell me how OBGYN went for you. And also, any tips for Pediatrics or Surgery? The floor is open for those too!

Nevermind.

I keep hoping I'll wake up and find that this has been a very bad dream.

It's been awhile.

I haven't been around for a ridiculously long time. And you guys left a few comments like, "At least let us know you're alive" and I was so busy and so tired that I didn't get around to it, and then I haven't had any comments for awhile, and so I decided that people might actually think I'm dead. I'm not. I'm just up to my ears in OBGYN, and counting the minutes until this one's over. It's disappointing, too - after the fun & educational experience I had with the family doc I worked with during my last rotation, who did a morning of prenatal visits and a day at the hospital delivering and rounding on postpartums and such, I was really looking forward to this OBGYN stuff. I just - I don't know. The people just aren't what I expected (not ALL of them - a few of the residents and attendings are really great.) And while I like all of my fellow students on this rotation, I still miss my 2009 class. This is my first rotation without them (most everyone else is in the class of 2010) and you know, I'd gotten accustomed to their faces. Oh well. At least I do like them, as I said.

But of course, the patients are still there. And y'all know how I love patients. So they make everything worth doing.

I miss writing - this week I'm on Labor & Delivery (days) and next week I'm on Night Float (which is Labor & Delivery at night.) Then the two weeks after that are fairly light as far as clinic/hospital work goes - they kindly give us some time to study for our NBME miniboard. But I may take a few minutes out of those light days to take a break from studying and recount some of the stuff that I've neglected to write about for eleventy billion years. Mwah!

It's okay, Shelby, women are havin' babies every day!

I'm having a ball on this rotation. Like I said, I'm working at a little clinic that is close to home, with a family doc that I've known of for what seems like forever. She is truly a selfless person, and just works tirelessly for that little community, and they all love her. In my trek through the different departments, I've encountered lots of M.D.s (and D.O.s) - there are two distinct ends of the spectrum. Some are "physicians", commanding respect and admiration for all that they've accomplished. And some are "docs", who are following a calling outside of themselves, and who meant it when they said in their admissions interview that they wanted to "help people". The "docs" get the respect and admiration anyway, but they'd never go looking for it. My preceptor this semester is the epitome of a Doc.

Family Medicine doctors are trained in OBGYN as well as some surgery, and you can do some, all, or none of those in your practice. My preceptor does OB (which is my next rotation, by the way, so I'm getting a jump start on some things. The Lord takes such good care of me - He's trying to build my confidence so that I won't totally panic before starting the OB rotation. I'm getting a chance to know the OB residents, attendings, and nurses as well, which is good.) On Wednesdays she's on call at the hospitals, so I spend all day with her, rounding on postpartum moms and pregnant women with other medical problems, and being around whenever one of her patients decides to deliver. (Those deliveries, by the way, are so awesome and I love them. They put me on this great natural high, because I love watching God's handiwork enter the world, and the interaction between the mom & dad and the rest of the family always brings a tear or two.)

Last Wednesday, none of the students on the OB rotation were around, because they hadn't started "Night Float" yet - and that's when the students get to be on Labor & Delivery. This week, two students in my class were there doing night float, and they were each assigned to our two laboring moms. When I heard that, my heart just sank - I didn't think they'd let two students in the room.

I went with my preceptor (I'll call her Dr. L) to check the mom's progress, and she was dilated to 10 and fully effaced, so that's when we all gown up. Plus there were some head compressions on the fetal monitor (not as scary as they sound - it just means that the baby is getting into the birth canal) and that's what sent us in there in the first place. I asked the mom if she minded if a student observed, and she said no, and I asked how many she'd be comfortable with, and she said one. My heart was recovering from the earlier sinkage, and had risen to somewhere around my pyloric sphincter, but that made it sink again, because I knew it would be the OB student and not me. I didn't say anything, though, and I chatted with mom & dad for a few minutes about the baby and names and other kids and such, and then started to leave. Mom said, "The student will be you, right?" I said no, and Dad said, "How many students would have to be in here for you to be in here?" I held up two fingers. Mom said that was fine. I asked her approximately 17 more times, and told her it was all about her and that I didn't want her to regret a thing about the experience, and she said that she wanted me there. Yay! So I got to watch that birth, and I actually made Mom, Dad and other family members in the room laugh in those awkward pauses between pushes.

At one point, Mom said that her hair must be a mess. I told her that she was beautiful, and Dad agreed. By this time we could see the top of the baby's head, and a shock of dark hair. So I said, "The baby's hair, on the other hand, is looking a little rough." Then I added, "I think he just has too much product in it." Hardy har har. That made everybody laugh. Obviously, you have to get a feel for the personality of the parents and the family (and your attending doc and resident) before you say something like that, but I am a big fan of humor. If I didn't laugh, I'd cry.

Which brings me to my next point - I was talking to the other two students that are on OB (incidentally, since a class just graduated, the rest of my class are officially fourth-year students. Yay for them!) One of the students asked if I was going to take the Step 2 review course, and I asked when it was. And the other student said, "She's not a 4th year." Which brought tears behind my eyes, because I feel like I don't belong anywhere anymore since I took some time off. One of the things that helped me through the first two hellacious years of medical school was the fact that my class and I were going through it together - I saw it as a kind of "band of brothers" thing, although everybody else in the class may think I'm crazy and I may be the only one who felt that way. But now, my class is in their last year, and I still have this rotation and three more to do. I feel like they've all moved above me and are looking down on me now, so I don't belong with them. But I don't belong in the class below me either, because I barely know them (with a few exceptions). So the camaraderie is gone, and I feel like I don't have any peers that I can talk to. It makes me really sad, actually. I even feel that I can't really talk to close friends in my class in the same way - it's kind of like they're freshmen in college and I'm still in lowly high school, and I just feel stupid. You know, typing this, I realized that I don't even feel right calling the class of 2009 "my class" anymore. So, I've been kind of keeping to myself as much as possible, but it makes me sad. Oh well. Nothing can be done about it now, and everything works out in the end. The Lord has me in the palm of His hand and carries me through my difficult days. I just can't praise Him enough. So I know I'm never truly alone.

And finally, I had a patient today who tried to quote a Bible verse to me to prove that Jesus smoked weed. I'm totally NOT convinced. I do love patients, though - they are so great. That is all.