Rock Of Love - Fab Five haiku

Lace equals nut bar
Too bad but she's good TV
Want Jes for *my* friend

Seriously, Jes is awesome - my favorite parts of the show are her little interview segments. If Bret doesn't pick her, I want her to move to West Virginia and be my BFF. Wait, I feel another haiku coming on, after seeing the preview for next week ...

Projectile vomit!
The napkin kept all unsprayed
Heather, rue tattoo?

I has submitted an lolcat ...

... to I Can Has Cheezburger. And although I am partial to my own kittehs, Ollie & Sassy:

This one is the best lolcat I've seen in awhile:

This guy was obviously about to listen to Glenn Beck

Behold, Kasey Kazee, the Duct Tape Bandit, who attempted robbing a liquor store in Ashland, Kentucky:

Ah, the many uses of duct tape. I'll bet pulling all of that off hurt. Ouch.

Pat Kiernan is tricky

First of all, I'm furious that I'm not a contestant on The World Series of Pop Culture for 2007 on VH1, because I can rock these questions and I'm at least as interesting as these people.

And also, even when I hear the lyrics of It's Tricky by Run-D.M.C. READ by Pat Kiernan, I still have to dance to it. Just in case you were wondering. (By the way, I was totally amused with Pat's lyrics-reading in the "Rump Shaker" category. Hee.)

I'm having trouble finding non-school stuff to talk about since I'm not in the middle of the Harry Potter craze (I think I'm the only person on earth) but I am going to see Order of the Phoenix tonight with Scott and Huan. At least I think that's the name of it. Speaking of movies, Transformers was way better than I expected. It made me wonder if Shia LeBeouf is too young to be added to my Geek Love list (which also includes Zach Braff, Clay Aiken (shut up), and Adam Brody). *quick IMDb check* No! He's 21, which makes his addition to the list legal, but slightly creepy. Oh well. The movie also made me want to name my kid Optimus Prime. Would that be wrong? I mean, it's better than Pilot Inspektor (sic).

Random nostalgia for Arrested Development

Gob is accidentally working a day in his life (as a waiter), and charming up the customers:

G.O.B.: If you didn’t have adult onset diabetes, I wouldn’t mind giving you a little sugar.
Mrs. Van Skoyk: Oh, G.O.B... you could charm the black off a telegram boy.
Voiceover, aka Ron Howard: We'll just tell you now - she's the one who dies.

Ah, Arrested Development. How I miss ye, especially your blatant self-promotion in this S.O.B. (Save Our Bluths) episode. It's a good thing you're on G4, even if it is a confusing station for you to be on.

Also, holy crap on a stick, the USMLE Step One is HARD, y'all. But I am done, done, done!!! Now let's just hope I didn't screw it up TOO badly. I'll elaborate more later, but not so much that the USMLE will send their goons to my house to beat up my entire family (including the kittens who live out back.) The USMLE people are mean like that. They'd probably beat up kittens.

Diagnosis Wenckebach

Oh my goodness - I love dorky medical students. This is hilarious.

And if you're curious, here's some Wenckebach info (it's a Type I second degree heart block, with a prolonged P-R interval and a "dropped" QRS - which I just learned from Wikipedia. Heh.)

Are you kidding me?

Sanjaya? Really? You're just pushing it now, aren't you? You know you can do absolutely everything - talk your way through a song, wear bouffant hair, so why not an 8-ponytail mohawk updo?

At least he didn't REALLY dye the tips of his hair orange - that was just the lighting. Still, though. Ack.

An unfortunate guest lecturer, and Dave Matthews on House EEEEEE!

Hey, you know what I keep forgetting to tell y'all? While perusing my pharmacology lecture schedule (which is a completely interesting thing to do during class sometimes) I discovered that one of our required lectures (on dermatologic pharmacology) is to be given by none other than my ex-dermatologist who doesn't know how to use lasers or treat patients like real people. I will, of course, be completely professional and sit there and take notes like the good adequate medical student that I am, unless she tries to describe in detail how to use a hair-removal laser. Or how to deal with a patient that you have permanently scarred and left looking like Elvis, now and forever. If that happens, then I'll just quietly put down my Family Guy pen (thanks Joyce!) and think about kittens or something.

In other news, Dave Matthews was on House MD this week, in the episode Half Wit (there's an mpeg file in downloads) and it was so good ... I don't know, I can't come up with an analogy. It was just really good. When both House and Dave were sitting at the piano in Dave's hospital room, my head almost exploded. I couldn't handle having both of them in the same frame. It's a good thing I was doing my evil genetics homework and wasn't completely rapt.

I have two exams on Monday and two on Tuesday (and a nervous breakdown somewhere in there) so I may be scarce for a few days. Don't miss me too much.

Oh! Something else I meant to tell you. Harvey at IMAO is snarking on West Virginia, and it's terribly funny. Go read it. Here's a couple of my favorites:

The state motto of West Virginia is "Montani semper liberi", which is Latin for "Sister, daughter, wife... whatever".

The variety of apple known as Golden Delicious originated in Wellsburg, West Virginia, in 1775. It was greeted with overwhelming enthusiasm by a population who'd spent years being stuck with eating the Ochre Atrocious.

In May, 1860, the first oil well in West Virginia was drilled at Burning Springs. In June, 1860, the former governor of Texas invaded West Virginia and stole it.

In a recent survey, 95% of West Virginians report having checked out a book from their local public library within the last year. During the same time period, 95% of West Virginians also reported having found a way to fix that wobbly kitchen table with the short leg.

The state flag of West Virginia consists of a blue-edged white background, overlaid by an image of two men debating whether Fahrenheit 9/11 or An Inconvenient Truth was a bigger load of crap.

American Idol - Top 10 Girls

So, the top 10 girls sang. And I recorded it - with my good ol' VCR, since American Idol has apparently embedded some sort of "anti-record" critter into their broadcast (hence the weird colored lines that cover half of my screen when I try to play it back through Windows Media Center. Boo! Once again, Fox.Ruins.Everything.) I can still make mpegs from VCR recordings, though, and will have those in my American Idol download folder shortly. Here's a few thoughts on the girls from last night (this was a "live blog" that I didn't get around to posting until now. It was "live" in the sense that I wrote it during the show.)

1. Gina Glocksen - Alone (Heart)
   Cute stuff about her boyfriend in the clip, but I couldn't help comparing some of it to Scott and me. First of all, if I jumped on him like that, I'd knock him clean off of his feet. Not that he's unusually wee - it's that I'm ginormous. It would be like a hurricane hit him - or a runaway elephant perhaps. And he would NEVER put red streaks in his hair to match mine - he'd be more likely to say, "What in the world kind of red stuff is in your hair? Oh, you MEAN for it to be there? Why didn't you do your entire head? Did you run out of dye?" A fashionista he is not. And that, actually, is a very good thing. Because a boyfriend a la Christian from Clueless would not be very good at all. Oh, back to Gina. She was good - but I agree with Simon about the end - it felt as if she had run out of breath and was trying to yell the rest of the song.
2. Alaina Alexander - Not Ready to Make Nice (Dixie Chicks - ugh)
   Much better than last week - she almost makes me want to patronize the Dixie Chicks and buy that song. Almost. Still, her voice pales in comparison to most of the other girls - if she gets through another week, it'll be on her looks alone (see also Barba, Antonella).
3. Lakisha Jones - Midnight Train to Georgia (Gladys Knight & the Pips)
   Hee. I "luv" Lakisha's grandma. Her crush on Ryan Seacrest is too cute. And what else can I say about Lakisha? She's done really really well so far. And she even pulls off that skirt - I thought it was adorable that her outfit was "distracting" for Simon. Hee.
4. Melinda Doolittle - My Funny Valentine (Ella Fitzgerald / Frank Sinatra / eleventy billion others)
   Haaaa! She used the phrase "hot mess", which I would not known if not for Tamika and Rita. Ah, I miss our old MS-I studying days, girls. Those two really helped get me through my first semester of medical school. Anyway, Melinda was exceptionally good. I wasn't expecting that.
5. Antonella Barba - Because You Loved Me (Celine Dion)
   That dress is hideous. The performance is only slightly less hideous. Sounded better than last week, but still - ack. Oh, and being snippy with Simon after not one, but TWO lackluster performances? Not cool. You don't get to be a diva yet, Antonella.
6. Jordin Sparks - Reflection (Christina Aguilera)
   I like her even better after learning that she toured with Michael W. Smith and that he's pulling her for on his website. But ack - I don't like it when Simon stares creepily at Paula. Or maybe he's staring at Randy, which is even more disturbing. Perhaps he's just hypnotized by Randy's screaming shirt.

   Ah, Kellie Pickler is on the results show - heh. I'm sure SarahK is thrilled.

7. Stephanie Edwards - Dangerously In Love (Beyonce)
   Well, she had fun with that - and it was good. Pretty dress, too - I wish I could pull off spaghetti straps. And that's all I've got to say.
8. Leslie Hunt - Feeling Good (Nina Simone / Michael Buble) *I'm purposely avoiding any and all deja vu jokes*
   She has a very strange speaking voice. Or perhaps I have strange ears. Grandpa Bob would undoubtedly tell her not to be so hyperreflexic (i.e., flappy) too. Are leggings and skirts coming back? Please tell me they're not. And now she is not even singing words. Man, Randy loves "pitchy". He tucks it in at night, gives it a kiss and reads it a bedtime story. Get a new adjective, Randy. And please make this crazy girl and her "dee da doo" clicking language go away.
9. Haley Scarnato - Queen of the Night (Whitney Houston)
   Simon's not going to like this. Aaaaand, I was right. Aww, he made her cry. Boo. I have a harder time writing that she was a spastic CrimpMonster when she's standing there with a trembling lower lip.
10. Sabrina Sloan - All the Man That I Need (Whitney Houston)
    I don't like when I can see someone's ribs inserting on their sternum. And I'm not just saying that because I'm a fat cow. After her performance, I'm remembering an old TWoP T-shirt - "Loud is the New Good". Indeed.

DialIdol shows crazy results, especially for the guys. Craaaaaaaazy. America, you're being stupid. Don't vote for people who talk their way through songs, please!

American Idol - Top 10 Guys

So, the guys apparently raised the bar this week. Not so hard to do, when all you did the week before was quietly place the bar on the ground and then back away from it, whistling. I did record this one, without the strange multicolored lines, and will have mpegs up for download shortly. Until then, here's my somewhat-live blog:

1. Phil Stacey - Missing You (John Waite) - Still sings good. Still looks like Bat Boy.
2. Jared Cotter - Let's Get It On (Marvin Gaye) - So, that skeeved me out. Simon and Pauler and their double entendres didn't help. Ack.
3. AJ Tabaldo & His Perfect Teeth - Feeling Good (Michael Buble / Nina Simone) - Wow, that was great. It really made him stick out in a good way, IMO. And then there's sticking out in a bad way ...
4. Sanjaya Malakar - Steppin' Out (Irving Berlin / Tony Bennett) - Poor guy. He's cute (albeit malnourished) and young, and I just wanted to cry for him. But he really was horrific - he talked his way through the whole song.
5. Chris Sligh - Trouble (Ray LaMontagne) - I can't believe that didn't make his wife cry. I would have been a blubbering mess. On the other hand, I'm emotionally unstable and crazy. :-)
6. Nick Pedro - Fever (Peggy Lee / Michael Buble / Ella Fitzgerald / Elvis Presley / et al.) - Dude. That drummer is back there rocking OUT. (I made that observation before Simon, btw.) Simon's snapping like a white boy. And I'm formulating a differential diagnosis for fever in the morning. Also, "Vote for Pedro"? Heh. That right there would make me vote for him.
7. Blake Lewis - Virtual Insanity (Jamiroquai) - Well, that was different. And Randy, *I* know who Jamiroquai is, just so you know. Hmph.

   I think all of these guys are buying their T-shirts from Threadless. (For good reason - they have cool stuff.)

8. Brandon Rogers - Time After Time (Cyndi Lauper) - I like his voice, and I really liked him last week - but, blah. Simon loves grandmas. Interesting. And I love when Simon completely ignores Paula's incoherent nuttiness. Randy randomly tells us that he likes dogs. Okay.
9. Chris Richardson - Geek in the Pink (Jason Mraz) - Yay! I love this song. It's because it reminds me of my grandmother. Except that it doesn't. I hope no one calls me Big Momma - not ever. Maybe Big Momma is a geek in the pink - like a pink muumuu, perhaps. Or maybe she has roseacea.
10. Sundance Head - Mustang Sally (Wilson Pickett) - Interesting song to dedicate to your 2-month-old son. Hmm.

So - my favorites at the moment are Chris Sligh, Blake Lewis, Nick Pedro and AJ Tabaldo. And I have my eye on Chris Richardson and Brandon Rogers. I think Chris and Sundance have basically the same schtick (except it's hair vs. beard), and Chris has a better voice - so he'll ultimately outlast Sundance. Just my opinion.

American Idol Top 12 Girls, and What Is Wrong With My DVR?

I'm having problems recording American Idol this season with my Windows Media Center (and all Fox shows, for that matter - I noticed that Sunday's Family Guy had this problem too.) It records, but when I play it back, there are colored vertical lines covering the bottom half of the screen. What's up with that? Is there some sort of protection on Fox shows now? If so, that SUCKS. I mean, I can't even watch the .dvr-ms file - and when I try to convert it to something like an .mpg/.mpeg (the horror!) I can't. My converter (DVRMSToolboxGUI) hangs. If anybody knows a way around this, let me know. This means I can't even record them to watch later. Sheesh. I'll try to figure it out as soon as I can - I'm on Spring Break next week, so maybe I can tinker with it then.

For now, here's a list of the songs from tonight, in case you want to know what they are. And girls? Keep in mind there ARE female singers besides Aretha Franklin. I ::heart:: her too, but they should limit Aretha to once per episode or something. Same with Stevie Wonder for the guys.

1. Stephanie Edwards - How Come You Don't Call Me Anymore (Alicia Keys)
2. Amy Krebs - I Can't Make You Love Me (Bonnie Raitt)
3. Leslie Hunt - You Make Me Feel Like A Natural Woman (Aretha Franklin)
4. Sabrina Sloan - I Never Loved A Man The Way I Love You (Aretha Franklin)
5. Antonella Barba - I Don't Wanna Miss A Thing (Aerosmith)
6. Jordin Sparks - Give Me One Reason (Tracy Chapman) - Aww. She's cute.
7. Nicole Tranquillo - Stay (Chaka Khan / Erykah Badu) - She made scary faces and yelled at me. Did not like.
8. Haley Scarnato - It's All Coming Back To Me Now (Celine Dion)
9. Melinda Doolittle - Since You've Been Gone (Aretha Franklin)
10. Alaina Alexander - Brass in Pocket - The Pretenders - Meh. I like The Pretenders, but even they bore me when they sing that particular song. Sorry. I really love her hair, though.
11. Gina Glocksen - All By Myself (Eric Carmen / Celine Dion) - She reminds me of my cousin Teresa (except for that red streak), who is a reader of my blog and is seriously pregnant. Everybody wave at Cousin Teresa who is seriously pregnant!
12. LaKisha Jones - And I Am Telling You I'm Not Going (from Dreamgirls) - Fantastic. I'm perturbed by her teeth, though - I hope she gets them fixed. Messed-up teeth annoy me. Does that make me evil?

Stephanie Edwards, Sabrina Sloan, LaKisha Jones, Jordin Sparks, Melinda Doolittle, and Gina Glocksen were the best, IMO, with LaKisha waaaaaaay above everyone else. Any of the others could go home - hopefully Amy Krebs (who looks like she's hyperreflexic) and Nicole Tranquillo.

American Idol Top 12 - The Guys

I had American Idol - the top 12 guys - on tonight while I was plodding through my genetics homework (I hate busywork in medical school. Grrrr.) I didn't pay very close attention, but I thought I'd post the names of the contestants and the songs they sang in case someone is Googling "what did blah blah blah sing". I also recorded it, and will post a mpeg in the AI folder of each performance soon (provided all of them actually recorded.)

1. Rudy Cardenas - Free Ride (Edgar Winter Group)
2. Brandon Rogers - Rock With You (Michael Jackson)
3. Sundance Head - Nights in White Satin (Moody Blues)
4. Paul Kim and his Guilty Feet - Careless Whisper (aka - I'm Never Gonna Dance Again) by George Michael (or Wham!)
5. Chris Richardson - I Don't Wanna Be (by Gavin DeGraw)
6. Nick Pedro - Now & Forever (Richard Marx)
7. Blake Lewis - Somewhere Only We Know (Keane)
8. Sanjaya Malakar - Knocks Me Off My Feet (Stevie Wonder)
9. Chris Sligh - Typical (Mute Math) ? Not sure about that one. Correct me in the comments if I'm wrong.
10. Jared Cotter - Back At One (Brian McKnight)
11. A.J. Tabaldo - Never Too Much (Luther Vandross)
12. Phil Stacey - I Could Not Ask For More (Edwin McCain)

I do have a couple of comments, but no lengthy commentary, because everybody either ho-hummed me to death or put me to sleep. I think I might like Brandon Rogers, though, and possibly Phil Stacey (though he looks like Bat Boy) and Blake Lewis - but it could be because Blake Lewis sang a great song. I absolutely hate "Back At One", so Jared Cotter already has a strike against him. (Much like SarahK when someone sings a Stevie Wonder song.) I had to be aroused with a sternal rub after Nick Pedro sang me a lullaby. Sanjaya Malakar was snoozy as well - and he's like, half a person, y'all. I want to make him a cheesecake and some fettucini alfredo or something. Chris Richardson obviously DOES wanna be someone else, and that's Justin Timberlake, hence the mimicry attempt that ended up coming out nasally. He's so been practicing in front of the mirror for an embarrassingly long time. If he finds his own style, I may like him too.

I have no earthly idea who might be going home this week - there were many more than two that were completely forgettable. Sorry for the dry post, but I've had a relentless headache all day and it's about to beat me into submission. Goodnight, loyal readers.

Postpourri

Well, this afternoon I emerged unscathed from the bowels of the Evil Pharamologic Emperor Zurg (I hope.) NOTE: Sometimes I type bizarre things, like "Evil Pharmacologic Emperor Zurg" to see if someone eventually Googles them and finds the bizarrity-containing post. They usually do.

Tomorrow at noon I have pathology and then patient care (have I started studying for patient care yet, you ask? The answer is no. No, I haven't. I'm still knee-deep in the breast and ovary - which are our pathology topics this test block.) I'm almost to the point of not caring, though. That happens long about midnight the night before a test - I just get too tired to care. I'll do all I can do, and that's all I can do at this point. I can always study more efficiently next time - besides, I did well on our last pathology and patient care block (thanks be unto the Lord!)

I had the Grammys on last night while I crammed drugs into my head (I mean, drug names and uses and adverse effects and such, which is really like learning another language) and I have some thoughts. (They include the Dixie Chicks and how flarking annoying they are. And no, it's not just because they're liberal. I really could compose a manifesto entitled, "Why the Dixie Chicks Make Me Want To Peel Off My Own Skin". But I just don't have that kind of time.) I'll elaborate on the Grammy broadcast later, maybe tomorrow - as soon as I take The Best Nap Ever™, scheduled to begin somewhere around 3:30, after Christy, Michael, Todd and I have our post-block celebratory lunch. Er - pre-dinner, post-lunch. Afternoon snack. Whatever.

I adore the new Blogger, because it lets me add tags to my posts, like "Medical Scruel" (thanks to Rush Limbaugh for the "scruel" thing - it so applies to the "medical" variety. Medical school is tortuous (like the splenic artery) and I can't wait to be finished with it.) I've made some good friends, though, and I ::heart:: them. It can't be said enough.

Al Gore, can you 'splain to me why it's colder than it has been in a decade in this area, and why I had to go buy a space heater for my apartment this winter because my toes literally turn blue from the outside drafts? Hmm? I thought the sun was progressively working on incinerating us all. (Don't wax poetic on the truths of global warming in my comments, please - I'm just not going to believe you, and it will waste both of our time.)

Has anyone seen Mozart and the Whale? I'm thinking of renting it tomorrow, but not if it's crap (like Edmond with William H. Macy and Julia Stiles, which without a doubt is the worst movie I have ever seen in my entire life.)

Nicholas Cage always looks like he's about to fall asleep.

And Christy has a cat that barks. For real.

Goodnight, y'all.

Dave Matthews on House? Squeeeee!

I read in TV Guide this week that Dave Matthews is going to be a guest star (i.e., Patient of the Week) on House M.D. in March. He'll play a pianist. Oh man, my head may explode. I am endlessly entertained by them both.

In other House news, there was a good song at the end of tonight's episode - Grey Room by Damien Rice (iTunes). I Googled the lyrics and then added it to my iTunes cart.

Speaking of lyrics - some particular lyrics of one of my favorite songs in the world, Long Ride Home by Patty Griffin (iTunes - go preview it at least - Patty Griffin is amazing) have been really hitting home with me lately:

Forty years go by with someone lying in your bed
Forty years of things you say you wish you'd never said
How hard would it have been to say some kinder words instead
I wonder as I stare up at the sky turning red

I've had some time to think about you
And watch the sun sink like a stone
I've had some time to think about you
On the long ride home

Headlights staring at the driveway
The house is dark as it can be
I go inside and all is silent
It seems as empty as the inside of me ...

I guess I'm grateful for life's ebbs and flows - it makes you appreciate the good times when you have to go through bad ones. But still - sometimes, I just feel emotionally drained - like I just have nothing left to give.

*sign*

I love Hugh Laurie so very, very much and could listen to him give speeches all day. He works words like "caboodle" into ordinary conversation, which is obviously a commendable quality.

In other news, I will not be the least surprised if I fail pharmacology.

The end.