Somebody sing a lullaby, quick!*

Bah - it's 4:50AM and I can't sleep because of the stupidface Jimmy Legs.

From Seinfeld episode #146, "The Money":

KRAMER: (a little anxious) You know, after I have sex with Emily, uh, I
don't want her in the bed any more.

ELAINE: Ah.

KRAMER: Yeah, because she's throwing off my whole sleep. She's got the jimmy legs.

ELAINE: (confused) Jimmy legs?

Kramer raises one leg and judders it in the air, as illustration.

KRAMER: Jimmy leg.

ELAINE: (grasping the concept) Ohh.

KRAMER: So, uh, well, maybe I should just be honest with her, huh?

ELAINE: Tell her after sex, you just want her outta there?

KRAMER: Well, I'd say it nicely.

ELAINE: I don't think so.

KRAMER: Well, you know, I really like this girl and I, you know, I think if I could just work out this one thing...

ELAINE: (interrupting) Yeah. I gotta be honest with you Kramer. You might be more than just a coupla tweaks away from a healthy relationship.

KRAMER: Well you're not exactly zeroing in yourself, lady.

ELAINE: (pointing to the door, angry) Alright, get out.

My Requip is falling down on the job. It's a good thing I bought six seasons of the Golden Girls today ($9.99 each at f.y.e. after rebate - woo!) At least I'm not awake by myself - I have Sophie & Oliver (my kitties) and my Girls (the Golden ones.)

*But not "Thank you for being a friend ... travel down the road and back again ... your heart is true, you're a pal and a confidante ..." because that ain't working. I've heard it approximately 14 times tonight, not counting the instrumental version over the end credits.

American Idol and such

Disclaimer: I'd appreciate it if everyone would refrain from bashing me a la Carrie Prejean (Miss California). This is my blog, my opinions - if you don't like it, don't read it. That is all.

So, I think that Adam Lambert will be okay (and by that I mean that he'll have labels knocking down his door) whether he comes in 1st, 2nd, or 12th. On the other hand, Kris Allen needs to win in order to end up with a good debut album - so I'm going to have to watch the finale with Team Allen tonight. Although I'll be surprised if it isn't Adam Lambert who sings the Idol Cheeseball Coronation ballad at the end of the show, eyeliner-flecked tears being wiped away by black polish-tipped fingers. Not that he doesn't deserve it - dude has an awesome voice, and he did very well last night. I think, though, that the voice is only part of his "Google popularity", discussed in this article: American Idol Winner: Can Google Predict the Results? (from mashable.com). Some of the Googlers may have been looking for those infamous pictures of Adam kissing other fellas. Personally, I would prefer to see Kris win - he has the talent, and he seems to be a nice guy, with morals and values that mesh well with my own - and he has a cute family, too.

There was an article published within the past week or so - in Time, I think, and after spending about 10 minutes trying to find it so I could link it, I decided y'all could live without a link. Anyway, the article discussed the Christian element in the Idol voting process, particularly this year, when we have a married Christian who is active in his Arkansas church versus a flamboyant, black/blue/purple haired (lighting dependent), guyliner & nail polish wearing, poured-into-his-leather-pants contestant from the liberalist of the liberal Los Angeles, California.

There are a lot of things about this season that remind me of Idol's season 2 (which I'll admit, with a modicum of embarrassment, as being my most-studied season by a mile - and I know way too much random trivia about it. Shut up.) First of all, we have the Rubenesque (by that I mean "large" as well as "as it was with Ruben Studdard") tongue-bath that the judges give Adam each week (I remember reading Television Without Pity faithfully during that season, when the fantastic recapper Shack would sum up Ruben's critique something like this: "RANDY: Vote for Ruben! IRRELEVANT GUEST JUDGE: Vote for Ruben! PAULA: Vote for Ruben! SIMON: Vote for Ruben!") Which was funny, because, you know, it was true. And apparently America followed like sheep, because Ruben obviously won that season* (where is Ruben, anyway?) while Clay Aiken, the effeminate coverboy for Lisa Simpson's Non-Threatening Boys magazine, had to settle for second. The judges constant instructions to vote for Ruben played a role in his win, but there was another big reason, as I know from living through that season as a ridiculously huge, and ridiculously obvious, Clay Aiken fan [what do you want from me? His voice is flawless, he's a fantastic performer, and listening to him sing still makes me smile - People covers notwithstanding. If I had to agree with a celebrity's lifestyle before I would allow myself to be entertained by their music/movies/television shows, I'd be able to listen to Toby Keith and the guy who sings Butterfly Kisses (I stole that quote from someone, but I can't remember who) and watch Facing the Giants and Fireproof (both of which I liked, but a DVD collection consisting of two movies?)] Multiple people that I encountered on a daily basis assumed Clay Aiken was gay - and therefore they didn't like him, wouldn't let themselves like him, liked him but couldn't reconcile voting for him, or something similar that resulted in not calling his phone line that week. I believe if he hadn't been so "ambiguous", and had given us a different impression, he would have won easily.

It will be interesting to see that if, six years later - with actual photographic proof that Adam Lambert is either gay or at least, doesn't mind smooching around on guys - America looks past that and votes for him based on his talent only. I have to say, since I believe that my beloved country is headed in a very wrong direction, miles and miles from the ideals outlined in my even more beloved Bible, and quickly - I'll be a little sad to see Kris come in second. To me, it will show how things have changed in six years - while American Idol is a singing competition, of course, the contestants who get the farthest also resonate with the voters with their personalities, their values, their backgrounds, their similarity to the rest of us. Clay Aiken didn't quite resonate well enough in 2003. In 2009, has the "rest of us" changed to the point that Adam Lambert does?

* Incidentally, this also works in presidential elections. See Obama, Barack.

P.S. - GleeeeeeeEEEEEEEEEEE! Loved it so very much. If you didn't watch it, go watch the pilot here: Full-length Glee pilot on Fox.com. Seriously, isn't Don't Stop Believin' one of the best songs ever ever ever? It makes me want to run out and achieve a dream or something. And I can't wait to see the group sing Kanye West and Jamie Foxx's Gold Digger (promised in the upcoming season montage at the end of the episode, a wee montage which is supposed to hold us over until new episodes begin airing in the fall. Bah!)

I'm okay

Over the past few months, I've had that Sally Field moment multiple times because of you guys - no, not the "I used to look good" moment (although I've had that one in multiples too, it's not because of y'all) - I mean the "...I can't deny the fact you like me. Right now, you like me!"

People I know in real life are asking other people I know in real life about me. I'm getting a steady stream of comments and emails. Thanks so much you guys, it means a lot.

I just have a few minutes, but I just wanted to say that I haven't quit blogging, I don't intend to quit blogging (there's a caveat there, though - read on). I'm on yet another medical/personal leave from school because of the evil pancreatitis, which is being so very, very evil this time around. So much pain, which leads to inability to do anything, which leads to depression because this is NOT what I would like to be doing with myself at 30 (by the way, I'm 30, y'all. More on that later too.) Then the pain-induced depression leads to lethargy and lack of motivation, which means that I don't feel like doing the things I love to do (photography, fiddling with my pictures in Lightroom/Photoshop, running around with Scott and with friends, staying awake, and writing, among others.) So that explains the long hiatus.

After my school's administration sent parts of my blog to the hospital's risk management department, for crying out loud, to make sure I'm not a liability (again, for crying out loud! Do they really think I'd talk about patients in such a way that they could be identified? No way. I've had HIPAA ingrained into my daily way of life, and while I do talk about pathophysiology, patient presentation, and management of conditions that I find interesting, those conditions may be based on a patient that I saw (if so, NO personal details provided, obviously) or may be something that I read. Anyway, I will switch most of my school talk to another, completely anonymous blog. Most of my medical ramblings will be elsewhere, because the alerting of freaking risk management, which really makes me feel horrible (although for all I know, they alerted re: all blogs/Facebook/etc. that they were aware of) is not going to happen again. Besides, I don't even tell you my last name anywhere on this blog, and while I say I'm in West Virginia, I don't say which school I'm attending. Except I did say that I went to Marshall for my undergraduate degree (when We Are Marshall came out, I posted about that) - that doesn't mean I'm there now. Plenty of West Virginians go to WVU for undergrad and Marshall for medical school and vice versa. Even so, my medical ramblings have found a new, anonymous home.

I'm also thinking of starting a photography blog, too. If I do, that one won't be anonymous and I'll let y'all know.

Re: turning 30 - yep. Since I feel, physically, like I'm 60 already, I was underwhelmed by my 30th birthday. Do you know what did happen, though? I suddenly got interested in HGTV (the home & garden channel) for no reason in particular, literally on the day after my birthday. Weird. So now I'm TiVoing things like Design on a Dime, and I try to catch House Hunters and Curb Appeal or whatever else. Good times.

What else? Oh, I discovered How I Met Your Mother - love it! I watched the first three seasons on DVD within about 3 days, and am now almost caught up on Season 4. I did have a little problem with the Doogie transition into a barhopping, one-night-standish guy (because I used to luuuuuuurve Doogie. Not Neil Patrick Harris - Doogie. It was doomed from the start, though, because I was underage (11) and he didn't exist. Ah well.)

I've missed you guys. More later.

AI7 - Top 8 - Inspirational Songs - Liveblog

Whoa, Paula, the girls are about to bust out. Let's remember the children, okay? What about the chirrun????

They're singing "inspirational songs" - Michael Johns is kicking it off with Dream On by Aerosmith. I really hope he doesn't mess this up because I like him and this is one of my favorite songs. Man, the past did go by like dusk-to-dawn, didn't it Michael? I feel you on that one, buddy. Whoa, falsetto - well, that wasn't too horrible. It didn't upset my cats or anything. Judges - Randy thinks this is an important week because they're telling us who they really are now. Okay. Those other weeks they are just kidding. Randy doesn't buy that Michael is anything like an Aerosmith singer. Michael says he had to do it because he's here living in America and dreams can come true. Paula says - SERIOUSLY, Paula, are we strapless? Are we strapped? Are we in a boudoir? Geez. Paula says he's unbelievable adorable blahdeblah, and something about her Chihuahua. Simon is SLIGHTLY with Randy because he doesn't like when Michael does an impersonation of a rock star. He thinks it was a little wannabe-ish. Ryan says something disturbing about a tight shot and Simon's Chihuahuas, and Paula does the drunken baby seal clap. I thought it was okay, but I wasn't blown away. Sorry Michael Johns - I do love you, though. Mwah.

Syesha Mercado is telling us that Ramiele is exhausted, and that she misses her because she's been her roommate since Hollywood week. Syesha is singing I Believe by Fantasia - because, well, if you believe, then it's a good thing. Wow, that was really good - I liked it even better than Fantasia's, because there's something annoying in Fantastia's voice. Judges - Randy says she took on another tiger this week and that Fantasia was one of the best singers to cross the stage, and that she had this connection thing with the audience that Syesha didn't have. Syesha seeks clarification on this point. Paula says that this is one of her most shining nights. Simon says that to be fair, there are going to be comparisons. He thought she sang it really well, but it lacked this big big wave of emotion that was there when Fantasia sang it (duh, it was when she won the competition.) Anyway, I think Syesha is doing better and that she's probably safe this week.

Jason Castro is doing Over the Rainbow - the version that Israel Kamakawiwo'ole did with a ukulele. Oh, I like this version - this is happy. La, la la - I'm actually enjoying this. Randy says, Jason Castro is back toNIGHT! Paula said something and I missed it. Simon said it was fantastic. I say, Jason was much better than he has been.

Kristy Lee Cook is singing Anyway by Martina McBride - a verse of the song means a lot to her. You know, I really don't think she deserves the Vote for the Worst award. Judges - Randy says there were a few pitch problems, but he loved it, actually. Paula thinks it was her best so far and, for the record, Paula is still mostly in her outfit. Simon thought Kristy was very, very good indeed, and he points out that she looks like a star tonight. See, good for Kristy. I don't think she should win the whole thing, but I don't think she's that bad - I just think she had one bad, bad, very bad week. Onward to David Cook and Carly Smithson.

Uh, who is the guy sitting on Simon's lap? I'm scared, Mommy.

David Cook is singing Innocent by Our Lady Peace. I like this song too - the kiddies are picking good songs tonight. Except no, David, everybody doesn't have a good heart at the end of the day. Sorry, but they don't. And everybody can't sing a good song at the end of the day, but you can, buddy. Paula's dancing - careful, careful - you're in a precarious situation indeed. Judges - Randy didn't get it tonight. Paula says that David is "it". Simon didn't like the performance much - he thought it was a teensy bit pompous. (Bwah! Pot, kettle?) Apparently, the white jacket is pompous. And Simon says David wasn't nearly as good as the past few weeks. Well, I agree with that. But I enjoyed it anyway. Mom thinks David just got out of bed - or, he just came out of that "priceless" commercial.

Carly is singing The Show Must Go On by Queen - life goes on, and blah blah and such. So, that was just okay. I'm not wild about that song. Judges - Randy says it started out good, was pitchy in the middle, and ended up just okay. Paula agrees that her voice is pretty perfect, but she didn't feel the connection with Carly. Simon points out that Carly looks good - heh. He thought it was an unusual choice of song, and oversang it to the point that she kind of fell out of it at the end. (Mom agrees and is shocked that she knew that much. And then Mom offers that Carly might have seen Paula's boobage in the middle of the performance and gotten thrown off - because wouldn't that throw anyone, really?)

David Archuleta had trouble picking a song this week, until he came to Angels - yay! Robbie Williams represents on American Idol (Corrie, my favorite veerd Dutchlandian, I'm thinking of you.) So I'm getting chills here (no offense to Robbie - I get chills with his version too.) And preteen girls everywhere just died of love for this kid. Judges - Randy wants David to check it out. He says that he loved the runs at the end, and thought it was crazy hot. The squealers in the background agree. Paula thought it was fantastic. Simon thought it was the best song choice tonight, although it wasn't his best vocal - he thought it was a bit nasally. Although he does acknowledge that he's nitpicking because David will sail to the next round. You know, I think David seems like a sweet and humble kid, and I won't hate on him if he wins. But I hope some of the others (Brooke, David Cook, Michael Johns, I'm looking at you) make albums so that I can buy them. And I hope they don't pull a Ruben and make an album and then run away forever. That is all. Oh, Brooke is singing Carole King! I hope it's You've Got A Friend. It almost has to be, right?

Yay, I was right, it's You've Got A Friend. I have a family slideshow of me and my cousins to this song - anybody want to see it? I'll post it if you do. It's - well, however long the song is. I think this is absolutely the right type of music for Brooke - like I said last week, I'd like to see her fall into the Patty Griffin/Carole King/Kathleen Edwards/Alison Kraus type. Judges - Randy wasn't jumping up and down but he's not mad at Brooke either. Whew, that's good to know. Paula remembers her sister singing this song, and she thinks Brooke is definitive. Simon says it was like a pleasant walk in the park - original? No. Pleasant? Yes. Hee - I love Simon. I like the tone of Brooke's voice, and I like the song, so I was happy.

Let's see - David Archuleta will get eleventy billion votes and come out at #1. Bottom 3 - Kristy Lee Cook, Jason Castro, Syesha Mercado. I'm really not sure which one will go home, but I think it should be Jason - Kristy and Syesha deserve another week.

Also, if Idol Gives Back ends up a few bucks over budget, let's buy Pauler a cute little wrap or something - please? Her boobage was more than a little distracting tonight - I can't believe there wasn't some kind of tongue-in-cheek joke on camera, knowing that crew.

Still crazy, but possibly sincere

You know, it just occurred to me that the day that Tom Cruise was boinging around on Oprah's couch, that he may have really just been that excited. Since he and Katie are seemingly still together, and Suri (which I still think sounds like a British apology) exists and doesn't appear to be a robot or an alien. How about that.

I would write about the wonderfully good day that I had on Saturday, in which I actually FELT WELL, and the fact that Jim Sturgess (from 21 and Across the Universe) has gone directly to the #1 position on my Geeky Hollywood Fake Boyfriends List. Don't worry, Scott knows all about this. But it's not a threat to him, given that he's the only person on my Geeky West Virginia Real Boyfriends list.

But I can't elaborate now, because I've just discovered that I'm accidentally watching Jerry Springer: My Boyfriend is a Woman. Ack.

Ultimate Peep Show

Sorry that it's a little late - but I spent all of Easter in the fetal position thanks to my stupid pancreas. Still, this makes me laugh:

Looks like a seedy joint. Thanks Karen!

Also, I didn't blog the last two weeks of Idol because I wasn't home last Tuesday and this Tuesday, I just felt crappy and wasn't in the mood. But how about that David Cook, huh? And Michael Johns - love those two. Love Brooke White as well, but I wish she would have done the whole song with just the piano last night. Oh well. I predict Chikezie goes home - lackluster performance plus the attitude with the judges. Oh, and I am done with David Archuleta - the kid is starting to annoy me with his message songs that should be sung by someone about 10 years older than he is, if they're sung at all. And why did he pick some obscure song from someplace else - Australia? - when he could have picked great 1990 hits as The Shoop Shoop Song (It's In His Kiss) from Cher, Ice Ice Baby, Rico Suave (I mean, you know??), and Mama Said Knock You Out? (I actually like Mama Said Knock You Out, but it's a funny title. "Don't call it a comeback, I've been here for years ..."

Dear FOX - a cautionary haiku

Channel which ruins all
"Shall be available soon"?
Best by nine - or else!

I'm having cable trouble. And a massive headache (Mia, what do you DO about these horrific migraine things? They're a new and terrible critter for me to deal with - like the pancreas wasn't enough.) And I'm shamefully hooked on American Idol, and I MUST WATCH IT at 9PM Specific (Family Guy humor, there) to see who gets the boot this week. My guess is that it'll be a country boot, swung out of time to a line of chirpy violins, and will land squarely on the butt of one Kristy Lee Cook. Seriously, don't they have people to advise these kids when they're about commit show suicide?

Anyway, I'm not sure what it is about blogs and haikus, but for some reason, I feel obligated once in awhile to post one once in awhile.

Edit - So dialidol.com says that no one is safe except David Archuleta. Pfffft.

Saturday Night Live sketch from March 8, 2008 - Spoof of Hillary Clinton's 3 A.M. campaign ad

Oh my gosh, SNL actually did something funny. And what's even more amazing - the sketch has FRED ARMISEN in it! And y'all know how I feel about the notoriously unfunny Fred Armisen - I think he singlehandedly brought down SNL, and that he could take any classic comedy and make it uncomfortably unfunny. Like Best In Show, or Office Space, or the More Cowbell sketch (best SNL sketch ever.)

Of course the Clinton/Obama spoof got pulled from YouTube within about six seconds of being posted, but I found this copy on TV Crunch.

AI7 - Top 8 girls liveblog

I was on the wrong channel! The WRONG CHANNEL! I'm obviously an idiot. Go read SarahK's account instead - it's funnier anyway.

I never care what Ryan says at the beginning. I'm sorry. Ryan says that some people are saying that Randy's too nice this season. Randy says the guys were just good last night, and the girls better bring it tonight. Pauler says that the 80s had lots of good songs, as well as ugly clothes and weird makeup. Simon says everyone needs to step it up and that no one is safe.

Asia'h Epperson - she was an extra in a movie, and was roller skating, and she totally fell and totally busted her butt and everyone was totally laughing. Haaaaaa. She's wearing a pair of unfortunate high-waisted and tight pants and singing I Wanna Dance With Somebody by ... dum dum dum ... Whitney Houston. I'm totally distracted by her pants - are they like, braided at the top? Pauler likes it - or, as Mom says, "She's celebrating early." Randy name-drops and says that it was a tall order that she took on, but that Asia'h showed that she should be here because it was HOT, baby. Paula: "You're picking big songs, and that one time you were sick, and now you're well, and you nailed it." Kim: "Thanks for the quick recap of the last few weeks of Asia'h's life, Paula." Simon: It wasn't as good as Whitney (duh) but that she deserves a spot in the top 12. Kim: I agree. But those pants should be burnt immediately, along with all T-shirts that say, "Trust me, I'm a doctor." I HATE those.

Ryan's in the red-rum with Kady Malloy. She wigged last week because she thought she was going home. (Pretty good assumption, since she was in the bottom two.) She was sooooo embarrassed when ... in 9th grade she sang Beautiful by Christina Aguilera (she was in NINTH GRADE when that song came out??) and her music teacher hated it, and then she tripped over some cords and the sound equipment came crashing down and made that feedback sound - "Eeeeeeeeeeeeee!" Kady is singing Who Wants to Live Forever by Queen. That was pretty - I think it was her best week so far. Randy: Interesting song choice, and she did a nice job of it. Pretty good. Paula: Best performance to date. Kim: Ack! I hate when I agree with Paula. Paula: The softness on your natural voice is where the magic is for you. Kim: I don't agree with that. Simon: It's all a bit gloomy and somber when you sing, like a Stepford Wife. Ryan wants to know why she comes off cute and relaxed on the tapes, but lacks personality when she sings. Simon says that he's made his point and Ryan should get over it.

Amanda is next. Somehow, she burnt down a pool. And - shocker! She's singing a Joan Jett song. I Hate Myself For Loving You. I love this song, but she's boring me with it. I predict a no-likey from the judges - "kareoke" is going to come out of someone's mouth. Mom: Is she wearing two wigs, a light one and a dark one on top? Kim: Uh, no. Randy: Oh, there! There's the Amanda we loved when we saw her. Paula: Your face is beautiful, I love your hair, we're still in love with you. Simon: If I'm being honest, I loved it. One of the best girl performances of this part of the competition. Kim: Whoops, missed that one. I still wasn't blown away, although I did like her scarf a lot. And I wish she'd just dye all of her hair black.

This one time, Carly walked around the corner from work to a bar and was talking to her friend who was a little inebriated (I'm betting Carly was too) and Carly got her leg stuck in a railing. So her inebriated friend brought out butter, oil, and bathroom soap and greased up her leg. Carly is singing I Drove All Night by Roy Orbison, Cyndi Lauper, Celine Dion, what-have-you. Another of my favorites (the Roy Orbison version in particular), and she's doing a great job with it. I think I ::heart:: this girl. Has anybody bought her old CD yet? I'm thinking about it, but I was wondering if it was any good. Kim: Yaaaaay! Randy: You know Carly, you keep smashing it every week, all the high notes - boom boom boom! Dude, another great performance. Paula: Let me tell you something dude, dude, dude. You are like a dependable dog. Hardy har har. You look great, you're having a great time, and there aren't enough adjectives to describe your singing. Simon: I didn't like it. Wrong song choice. I liked it when you sang that Chaka Khan song or whatever. Carly's mom is in the audience, and has met her husband for the 2nd time this week. Ack. Mom has met Scott like, 5,326 times. But I don't think you can say "met" after the first time, can you? Anyway.

Kristy Lee Cook was most embarrassed when she was seven - she used to pretend she was a dog. Growling, barking on her hands and knees, and for some reason, her parents bought her her own dog bowl. Yipes. I don't know if I would have told that story on national television. Kristy is singing one of my favorite songs ever in the world - Faithfully by Journey. It takes me right back to junior high dances and crying in the bleachers over stupid boys. She did an okay job with it - I'm not loading up iTunes to buy the single. Randy: [is all over himself because it's Journey] I actually liked it, because it sounded country, and you could have a single out of that. Paula agrees that it could be a country hit. Kim: Uh, not sure if I agree with that. Paula: I have nothing but positivity. Kim: And vodka. Simon: Your biggest problem is that you're forgettable - I can see you coming in 10th. Kristy: That's all right with me! Randy: I think the guys loved you. Kim: Danny and David Hernandez totally didn't love her.

Ramiele Malubay was embarrassed when she was in the 5th grade and she rode her pink bicycle to a guy's house that she liked, and she left her picture - on the porch, I guess? Anyway, the guy and his mom came outside and laughed and the picture. Awww, boys are so stupid. Ramiele suddenly has more hair on the left side (her left) and I like it much better. She's singing Against All Odds (Take a Look At Me Now) by Phil Collins. I wish I had the guts to get cute highlights like that. Randy: Another big song, big vocals - I thought it was a good vocal, but you got mad vocals, get your confidence back. It's like you're thinking while you're singing. Paula: You have such a beautiful face. And a beautiful voice that comes out of you, and - I'm not going to say colors - textures! - blabber, blabber, blah. Blahdee, blahdee, bloo. You deserve to be in the top 12. Simon: It was good because you're so little and cute. But it actually sounded very old fashioned. I didn't hear that big money note I would have liked, and I'm not jumping out of my chair. Sorry. Kim: I was swaying in my chair. Danny Noreiga is wearing Ramiele's glasses. Dis.Turb.Ing.

The judges are discussing moths, melon balls and yogurt. And iTunes. Okay. Brooke White told some random guy at church that she was tired and hungry and wanted to go home - and it wasn't her dad. Happened to us all at some point. I told a woman that I didn't know that she HAD to buy me something once. She didn't buy it, but my actual mom probably did. Anyway, Brooke. She's sitting on the edge of the stage and singing an interesting version of Love is a Battlefield. I really like this. I think she has a unique voice. Randy: I liked that you were just sitting there singing and someone else was playing the guitar. It was definitely very interesting - I'm not sure you brought anything new to the song. Paula doesn't understand what's going on here - I guess she means the squabbling over whether she choreographed this video or not. I really don't remember what Paula said after that. Simon liked it because it was totally different. Mom: Paula is totally soused, Ollie. (Ollie is my cat. He does not know who Paula is, what soused means, or when tonight is.)

Syesha Mercado wrote a "Do you love me, yes or no?" letter, included a piece of strawberry bubble gum for good measure. The boy told the teacher and ate the bubble gum. I'm guessing it was a "no". So Syesha is singing Saving All My Love For You by Whitney Houston. I think she should have dressed up a little more for that song. Mom: She's looking for votes for legs, not voice. Judges are running out of time. Three good(s), three yeses. Actually, four good(s). Although I was a little bored with it, I have to say.

The guys get the Spirit Stick this week. But as far as the girls go - my favorites this week are Carly and Brooke. Going home - I'm going with Kady and Kristy Lee.

Randy says the girls worked it out tonight. Simon is not happy because the girls were not nearly as good as the guys - I agree. Simon says his favorite performance was Amanda - I totally do not agree, although I usually like her. Blake Lewis is singing tomorrow on the results show? Yay! Blake, my possible movie buddy!

AI7 - This one time, when I was dressed as Boomer the Roo

Ryan gives us a rather ominous introduction, and I am quite unsure as to whether the two who don't make it through the week will be sent home or to the guillotine.

And it's the 80s! Woot woot! Luke Menard is first. Yay! His most embarrassing moment is when his sister, who always wanted a younger sister, dressed him up like a ballerina. How cute. I really hope Luke and his Orlando-ly cuteness stick around another week so I can look at him. Randy says he got it together at the end but it was corny. Pauler rambles on forever, she starts about 18 sentences without finishing them and finally says that she liked it. Simon thought it was weak, girly, and didn't like it. Luke is like, "I don't care, I'm pretty." Oh, and he sang Wake Me Up Before You Go-Go by Wham!.

This AT&T commercial with the little girl and the monkey? Where her dad goes on a business trip and takes monkey pictures whilst someone sings, "You're the only reason I keep on comin' home". It brings a tear to my eye. I'll just admit it.

David Archuleta went to Honduras (? I think that's what he said) for a fundraiser, and his voice went out in the middle of the song and so his mom ran up on the stage and finished the song for him. Heh. He's singing Another Day in Paradise by Phil Collins - dude, he's all about these "message" songs, isn't he? And I'm afraid that our squishy-squashy cheeky-pinchy little David Archuleta is a little baby liberal. Pity. Randy says he feels like he was at a David Archuleta concert with the piano and whatnot. Paula says a bunch of things about his perfection and imperfection and how his perfection is imperfection. Whatever. Simon tells his that it wasn't as good as last week but still good. He says that David is going to make it into the final 12 and probably into the finals finals, but he needs to quit picking these sad songs. I agree. David is like, "Imagine and Another Day in Paradise are sad songs? I didn't know! Look at me, I'm so cute! Now pinch my cheeks, all of you! Pinch!"

What the frick is wrong with my Internet connection?? I can hardly liveblog if I can't get live, can I??

Danny Noreiga tripped in front of his crush! OMG! And he turned as red as a "cute little tomato"! A cute little tomato that looks like Jessica Alba, I say. He's singing Tainted Love by Soft Cell. I hate his hair on a guy. I want to punch his hair in the face. Randy says there's some good stuff and bad stuff. He says he's a little shy in his vocals. Whatever that means. Paula says he's a bright light in the competition. Yeah, a rainbow-colored light. Paula loves that he's true to himself but he should take the purple things out of his hair. Simon thought the whole thing was horrible, absolutely useless. He hated the arrangement, hated the performance, hated the vocals. Danny Nore-gay-ga does this "brush you off of my shoulder" move. I HATE when they do that!

David Hernandez had a pea-sized booger in his nose one time. Maybe it was the size of a walnut. He's unsure. And I am unsure as to why this was a problem, because mom was talking to the cat in a quite loud voice. But it probably wasn't important. David Hernandez is, perfectly, singing a Celine Dion song. He's singing It's All Coming Back to Me Now, which will be like, 13 minutes long if you let it. I expect the judges are going to do that, "When you sing a Celine song ..." thing that they do. Watch. [Edit - They didn't. Huh.] Mom observes that Randy has on a twinkly shirt. Randy says this song was a good choice for David and his Big Voice. Paula says David is getting better and better. Simon says David has 100% secured a place in the finals with that performance.

There's a discussion between David and Ryan about David's shoes. I won't comment on that - it speaks for itself.

Michael Johns had something unfortunate happen to him when he was dressed as Boomer the Roo one time. I didn't catch what it was. Man, I suck tonight. Okay, so he's singing (Don't You) Forget About Me by Simple Minds and wearing a Michael Jackson jacket. I like this guy a really lot. Randy loves that it was like "Aussie boy goes home for 80s week" and says that he reminds him a little of Michael Hutchins. Paula says he has to go all the way through. Simon says that he prefers him when he's singing as a soul singer rather than a wannabe rock singer. He says that he really, really likes Michael though. Randy and Michael discuss that the song was in The Breakfast Club. You're gosh darn right it was. Commercials.

Jason Castro's embarrassing moment - he was on a date, with a girl, he specifies, and went to tie his hair back with - his hair, apparently. Anyway, the dread broke off in his hand. Okay, I'm done with that story. Jason is singing Hallelujah by David Buckley, and he starts on the Stool of Seriousness (tm Shack) and the studio's all dark and atmospheric. Randy says it was a tough song to sing, and then he says, "Good lookin' out, baby." I'm unfamiliar with that phrase. Paula starts a bunch of sentences and doesn't finish them again. She randomly complements all of the guys with a drunken baby seal clap, and then says that Jason is vulnerable and unique and stuff. Simon says that Hallelujah is one of his favorite songs of all time, and that Jason was brilliant. Yay, Jason! Simon says that Jason is getting better and better. Yaaaaay, Jason!

Chikezie went to the same bathroom in high school all the time because it was so clean - and then one day, he notices the sign on the door - "Women's". He always wondered why there were no urinals. See, this is why guys shouldn't go it alone when they go to the bathroom - it's better to go in groups so that you don't inadvertently go to the wrong one. Chikezie is singing All the Woman I Need by various people, like Whitney and Sister Sledge and Luther Vandross. I didn't catch what Randy said, except that the last note surprised both he and Chikezie. Heh. Paula says his vocals are so good tonight, and that everybody is so good tonight, and she's so excited. Yay! Simon says it was a little cabaret.

So, David Cook was my favorite of the night, I think. I finally paid some attention to Jason Castro. I still like Michael Johns a lot. I think, I fear, that my Lukey-Luke is on the chopping block - HOPEFULLY with Noreiga.

Paula ends the show by standing up behind the table and wobbling all over the place, as she says that the guys were, in a word, "Phu-nomenal." See y'all tomorrow! Somebody refill Paula's cup!

I'm off to finish watching Becoming Jane and to make some of my super-awesome fruit salad.

AI7 - Top 10 Girls - "De-Wayne, find me a big beautiful shell!"

It's the 182nd hour of American Idol this week, and Ryan is happy to be there, as usual. It's the girls! It's the guys! David Archuleta still has his head! That's good! It's the judges! Ryan says something about Randy's 13 1/2 shoes (13 1/2? Where have I heard that before? Hmmm) on Regis and Kelly. I guess I missed that one - shucks. Apparently said shoes were purple. Paula is wearing a very confusing top. Ryan says that Simon is nervous with his "single shot" and Simon gives a smile that is actually kind of cute. What the heck, I'll admit it - I do find him cute. Hear that everybody? I think Simon Cowell is a little cute. All right, now it's out. Randy says that the girls should show improvement because the "guys were on fire." Paula says that the guys were very, very, very, very, very,very,very veryveryvery good and that she has something different she'd like to do to each one of them (we already know David Archuleta's - behead him and hang him from her rearview mirror.) Simon says the other contestants should be "miserable" after David Archueta's performance. He says this is constructive criticism to help motivate the others when someone else does really well. Off with the show.

Carly Smithson owns a tattoo shop with her husband, and works at an Irish Bar around the corner. The bar is her home away from home and everyone working there is Irish. She loves her house, loves to clean, loves to cook, loves everything. Loves the stage, too. She's singing the great Crazy On You by the greater Heart, and either her shirt is one of those with blousy extra material in the front, or she's having a distracting amount of floppage from lack of undergarments. Wow, she's doing really well, and Heart stuff is tough to sing (I know, because I wail this one and Magic Man in my car, and I do it HORRIBLY.) Randy says, "Yo yo yo." Thought I should make that an exact quote. Randy says the beginning was rough for him, and that singers with big horses like herself have trouble with the lower notes because they can belt out the bigger notes. Wait, I think he said "voices" not "horses". Big voices would make more sense here. Anyway, Pauler says she's glad Carly is healthy. That Pauler, always positive. She can tell that Carly loves Heart. Simon observes that Carly is panting, and Randy says it's because it was a big song. Simon says that he's not sure Carly has found the right song, but that she has an incredible voice and is "one heck of a singer, this girl." He says she's the girl to beat. She says that whatever happens, she got to sing Crazy On You on American Idol. I really really like her. Ryan says it's good to see her healthy, too. Geez, she must have been a lot of sick. Off to the break - Minute Maid products are growing on bushes! Wheee!

Ryan reminds us what we're watching, and pimps the iTunes performance downloads (already done some of that, Ryan). Syesha Mercado did commercials in Miami, and she remembers one line - "DE-Wayne, find me a big beautiful shell!" That just hits my funny bone for some reason. I'm not sure which is more hilarious - the line and her delivery of it, or "DE-Wayne" with his cheesy two-index-finger point and his "All right, baby." Anyway, Syesha's changing up Me & Mrs. Jones to, obviously, Me & MR. Jones by Billy Paul, which has the most boring lyrics ever. It's like, "I'm going to get up at 6AM, eat some Cheerioooooooos, take a shower and dry my haaaaaaaaaair. Then I'll get to woooooooork at about 8:00 ..." You see where I'm going here. So the song is snoozy except for the glory note at the end, which rudely woke me up from my nap. Randy tells Syesha that she ain't givin' what she's got. It was just a taste of what she's got. She's got more than she's givin'. I know she's got a big beautiful shell and she ain't givin' that. Pauler says that when she has power, it's great, but she falls off on the softer notes. She likes the interpretation of what Syesha did. Huh? Simon points out that the song wasn't written for a girl to sing, and therefore, it was a silly thing for her to sing. (Since when does that matter?) So nobody liked the song choice, including me. I do like her scarf, though. Pree-tee.

Brooke White went to beauty school! And then she dropped out! She's a beauty school dropout, just like Frenchie! (But she wants us to know that she graduated high school, so don't worry.) She's sitting on the Stool of Seriousness (tm Shack) which is also the Stool of I'm Playing A Guitar, and singing You're So Vain (heh - I first typed "Mr. Vain" which is a totally different song by Culture Beat.) Does Brooke remind anyone else of that contestant on America's Next Top Model a few cycles ago - the one with really light blue eyes that had some disease that would make her go blind? I think her name was Amanda. Anyway, Brooke. It's a good vocal, and I think it's cute that she's jumping up and down on her chair. Uh oh, I see a Pretty Pony Princess Pageant Queen up in the balcony - it's either Alaina or Kady, I can't tell them apart up close, much less from a distance. Whoever it is is wearing a super-shiny blue prom dress. Back to Brooke - Randy says that she always had this whole Carly Simon vibe anyway, so it was a good song for her. Then Randy is all, "You were looking at the judges' table a lot - maybe at another male judge who isn't me?????" Hardy har har. Paula says it's the perfect song choice for her because it suits her and her voice. She brought familiarity and everyone was "digging it". Simon says that he "absolutely loved it." Well, good for Brooke. I think I like her.

Why is it that every time someone mentions the band, Ryan has to pop up out of nowhere and go, "RICKY MINER AND THE BAAAAAAAND!"

It's Ramile Malubay and she and Ryan have a little conversation in which she's speaking her native language (sorry, I didn't catch the name of it) and Ryan is speaking Spanish. Ramiele was so very sad at elimination last week, because she lost her roommate and Colton Berry, who was part of a foursome that apparently existed. Ramiele has been Polynesian dancing for 12 years, and demonstrates the correct way to hula (MUCH less creepy than when Sanjaya did that last season.) Ramiele is singing Don't Leave Me This Way by Thelma Houston. I love this song, so I'm all grooving at my computer here. It's ugly, you wouldn't want to see it. I like Ramiele a lot - I think she's got some real talent. But I'm not wild about her haircut. Randy is weirded out by the song choice, and thought it was "just really okay." Paula says that Ramiele is one to beat, but that she powered through and it was kind of the same notes over and over. Okay, I can get that. Paula also says that Ramiele didn't get to perform her magic. Maybe she forgot her rabbit and her cape. Simon shockingly agrees with Pauler. He's heard the song so many times at ghastly weddings, and this wasn't her best performance. He does think, though, she's one of top 3 best singers in the competition. Ramiele tells Ryan that she changed her song 4 times, because she picked some slow ballads but heard that people would start calling her "Lullaby" instead of "Malubay". Oh geez, she can't worry about crap like THAT. Which is essentially what Ryan tells her. Commercials.

Ryan tells us to go to americanidol.com. No, Ryan, no - I probably will not do that. Kristy Lee Cook tells us that she's a tomboy - she gets dirty, she loves sports, etc. and such. She also loves getting dressed up and girly. Okay. That's pretty noninteresting, but she's cute. Oooh, that's a pretty top she's wearing. She's singing Baby, You're No Good by Linda Ronstadt, and Randy tells her that it was 100% improvement over last week, that he liked the song choice - but that there were no "breakout" moments. Paula agrees that Kristy is "back". Simon says that this week was a huge improvement but that he doesn't know how to label her - he kind of encourages her to go down the country road. Not the "country" road (like the ones in West Virginia, Mountain Mama, take me home, country roads) but the "country" road. You know. Simon says that she has potential. Did Kristy just say she was on FIVE antibiotics for a COLD? Even ONE antibiotic for a cold? Bad, bad doctoring on Idol. Colds are viruses. Anyway, I don't know anything else that was said because flames shot out of my ears and eyes when she said "five antibiotics." I hope she at least finished all of the unnecessary prescriptions - oh, the resistant bacteria that they're breeding in Hollywood. Sigh.

Ryan tells us to brace ourselves, here comes Amanda Overmyer. We probably should brace ourselves. She tells us that other than being a Harley-riding nurse, she also loves to read - particularly biographies of rock icons that she likes. She says that you can't be overeducated and that she'll be the first to recognize that she's not. They show a clip of her reading a book on the music business. She closes by saying that reading is also a great form of entertainment. Yes, yes it is. This girl continues to surprise me - I definitely wouldn't have pegged her as a bookworm. Oh geez, that hair - she looks like she's seen something horrifying that blew her hair back and turned part of it white. Not so good. She's singing Wayward Son by Kansas and I think they're going to call it a safe choice. Let's see. Randy says it's the wrong song choice - he says there's too much melody, and I'm not sure what that means. Also, he says that there are too many instrumental breaks - "I don't want to hear the band play, though they're dope" (RICKY MINER AND THE BAAAAAAND!) "I want to hear you sing." Which makes sense. Paula says that Amanda has some moves and can dance. Paula says for Amanda not to worry about "doing too much Janis" or anything else - that she is a brilliant artist and should just do what fits and feels right. Simon says that he thought that in her pre-performance clip, she came across as very natural and cool - and from then on, everything felt very contrived - from her outfit to the terrible hair. He says he really really really didn't get that. And he says that if she wants the popular vote, she's not going to get it by doing that. Randy chimes in and says for her to keep her bluesy rock. I agree.

Ryan tells us that by downloading on iTunes, we can keep a piece of Alaina Whitaker forever! That's a little creepy! Kind of like Quagmire's fake Lois with the hair from her brush that he has in a closet. Oh, and it's Alaina that's the Pretty Pony Princess this week. So Alaina doesn't like her food to touch, especially when something like liquid from green beans flows into another food - the horror! I wonder what she thinks happens to the food when it goes into her mouth? I wonder if I should tell her about chyme and do a little primer on how digestion works? Probably not. Alaina is singing Hopelessly Devoted To You by Olivia Newton-John. And she's out of her head and has nowhere to hide and all of that. Randy doesn't think it was the right song for her either. He says that even when she belts, she kind of overshot it and went sharp. Paula didn't think it was that bad. Simon says that it's almost as if her grandmother prepared her for this performance - told her what to wear, how to do her hair. He says it was all a bit pageant-y and wasn't current. But he says that he thinks she's one of the dark horses in this competition, that he likes her better now than before. There's discussion about Alaina's Pretty Pony Princess dress and Ryan giggles around the fact that he's not an authority on women's fashion. Oh, RYAN.

Ryan points out the guys, lest we've forgotten about them, and tells us that tomorrow we'll lose two of them. Cackle, cackle. Alexandra Lushington is next - she was the poster child for the Atlanta Fire Department because her dad for them for 6 or 7 years. She sang for events and such, patriotic songs, and she sang an impromptu song at Ground Zero with lots of people around and it was really emotional. I'll bet. I would like to go to Ground Zero sometime - it represents so much. Alexandrea is singing If You Leave Me Now by Chicago, and it's - well, kind of boring. She's wearing this cute layered outfit that I think stands out in a nice way - it actually covers everything. Randy tells her that it was so safe for her, because she has mad vocal skills, and that she should never go the safe route. Paula said that she'd never heard a female take on that song. She also says she's relevant and is important in the competition. Simon says he was a big fan in the early stages of the competition, but he thinks she's struggling. He says that the song has never been covered because it sounds kind of stuck in its time period. He says the performance was boring. Ryan summarizes - they like her, but they didn't like the song for her. But Alexandrea knows the song was right for her. Whaaa? Okay. She says she's the underdog and will hopefully get another chance to prove herself.

Kady Malloy can do Britney, Shakira and Cher (I haven't heard Shakira and Cher - where can I hear those?) but she also does opera. She loves to sing opera in the bathroom because of the great acoustics. She says that when Simon finds out she sings opera he'll probably roll his eyes - then she does a good Simon eyeroll, and a not-so-good Simon impression "You sing opera better than you sing up here." (I'm sure she'll work on it though.) She's singing Magic Man (LOVE) by Heart, and wearing a dress that I like. This song is in that scene from The Virgin Suicides when they first introduce "Tripp Fontaine" and it is absolutely the perfect song for that scene. Anyway - Randy says that it didn't work, that her voice never found the notes. Paula says that when she "powered", she sounded great. And she thinks Kady sings opera quite well. She says that Kady needs to find out the artist that she is. Simon says he's very very frustrated (heh) because everything she does on film - the impressions, the opera - is very good, but then she comes out and almost tries to impersonate Christina by singing at the back of her throat, with a song he's never heard (!!!!!!!!!) They spend a few minutes trying to figure out why she doesn't translate the same way on film and in person. Hrm. It's a sticky wicket.

It's the final performance of the night, and it's Asia'h Epperson. She was a cheerleader in middle and high school (me too!) and she really loved it - the camps and the outfits and getting the crowd into it. (I loved it too - it was some good times.) She makes an analogy between cheerleading and Idol that I actually kind of get. She also apparently likes hoop earrings, because she's always wearing earrings that look like my head could fit through. Well, maybe not, because I have a huge head. But someone with a normal-sized head may be able to. ANYWAY! She's singing All By Myself in an outfit that I don't really understand - but I like her hair extensions. She goofs on one of the earlier notes in the first chorus, but I think it sounds really great otherwise. I'll put her as one of the top two vocals of the night, with Carly. Randy says that he knows Asia'h has been sick, but he thought that she did a nice job with the song (although he acknowledges that she didn't reach Celine level.) Paula agrees that she brought it home. Simon says that you have to be one heck of a singer to pull that song off, and that Asia'h is not. That she almost pulled it off, but not quite - that the song is a little too big for her. Ryan wonders that if she didn't take a risk, would Simon have something negative to say about that too? Simon says that you have to know your limitations, and then banters with Ryan a little by saying that he obviously knows his in his career. Oh BEHAVE.

My top three tonight: Carly Smithson, Brooke White, and Asia'h Epperson. I also liked Amanda Overmyer, Ramiele Malubay, Syesha Mercado and Kady Malloy and don't want them going anywhere. Packing their bags - unfortunately, maybe Syesha, maybe Alexandrea, maybe Kristy. I'm not sure - it depends on how much fanbases they've built up so far. I don't think Alexandrea and Kristy have really shown enough personality to make them memorable and likeable even when they have a "meh" performance. We shall see. Now I'm going to get De-Wayne to find me a nice seashell.

AI7 - Top 10 guys liveblog

Ryan: Blah blah blah, dramatic lighting, superstar will emerge, blah. Now we're on our psychedelic trip on the Idol Green inside-out paper slinky, or whatever that is. It looks like something I made in elementary school and folded it out and then had like 10 of them - know what I mean?

Ryan greets the guys, who are practicing their walking-by-the-camera-real-fast move. Hi guys.

Ryan greets Simon. Simon winks at Ryan. Eeep.

Paula says the kids are growing into their own comfort level. You know, she reminds me of Barack Obama, lots of talking, seems to compliment and uplift everybody, but actually says nothing if you really pay attention. She's less articulate though.

It's Michael Johns! He plays tennis! He's still Australian-ish! His songs come from sports or tennis! He's singing Go Your Own Way by Fleetwood Mac, and has turned the entire studio orange, including his shirt. You know that thing that they say when they say that a song could be a hit on the radio now? I think I know what they mean, because I'd buy Go Your Own Way by Michael Johns. Sorry Fleetwood Mac - Stevie, you know I love you and your gauzy dresses, but this guy is doing your song well. This has worn him out, because he's panting like a dog. Randy - not his best, but he liked it. Pauler Obama says it's a great way to start off the show, he has the whole crowd working. He's a seasoned performer and is already there. Simon says it was his weakest performance and that he is just coasting, but that everybody is. Oh well - so I disagree with Simon. I liked it. Michael says it's a dream to sing a Fleetwood Mac song, so he basically doesn't care what anybody says. He didn't say that last part, though.

Jason Castro has this cute non-interview where he says nothing except that he does interviews badly, so there's lots of messing up and "take two" and giggling. Cute. He's singing I Just Want To Be Your Everything by The Bees and also the Gees. He's strumming his guitar - and you know, they're going to tell him he's coasting too. I can just tell. Randy says if you take the guitar away it was boring - but with the guitar, charming. No guitar = boring. Guitar = charming. Guitar charming, no guitar boring. Okay. Paula likes the way he musically interpreted the song, somehow pushing the song away and then bringing it back to him, and blah blah blah more vulnerable as an artist. (?) Simon thought the song was too schmaltzy and didn't suit his voice. Simon thinks Jason picked a very average, schmaltzy song from all of the good songs available for this decade. Obviously, "schmaltzy" was in Simon's word-of-the-day email today.

Luke Menard is part of a group named Chapter Six. An Acappella group, which he loves because A cappella requires the notes to be right. He thinks it was good preparation for Idol. He also wants us to know that he's Orlando Bloom's long lost brother. I made that one up. He's singing Killer Queen by Queen, which Randy says is a challenging song and that he did pretty good. Paula points out that she fought to get people like him in the top 24 (did she? Hmm. I'll bet she fought for other reasons.) Simon says the trouble is that you're always going to be compared with the original and that he didn't have the charisma of Freddie Mercury (well, duh.) Simon also says he's a bit whiny, like Randy said. Then Randy says, "I did not say that! I said 'theatrical'! Waaaaaah!"

All eyes on Robbie Carrico! Forgive me if I make typing mistakes, as my eyes are on Robbie Carrico. America would be surprised to know that he drag-races cars. Actually, that doesn't surprise me that much. I'd be surprised if he was an award winning flower arranger or something. He'd recommend racing to anyone. Go drag racing, kids! Robbie is singing Hot Blooded and doing up the microphone all Bo Bice style. He's doing a nice job with the vocal - I can always tell that I'm enjoying the performance when I'm not typing because I'm watching. I'm wondering, though - if they all use the same microphone? Because they hold it close to their mouth, and respiratory droplets and influenza season and the vaccine isn't so effective this year and such. Oh well. Randy says something about Robbie not being an authentic rocker. I wasn't listening, because I was having the following conversation:

Mom: Are you talking to someone?
Me: No Mom, I'm liveblogging this show.
Mom: Why do you have to do that?
Me: Idon'thavetoit'sjustthatsomepeopleliketoreadthese.

Then she got the hint that I was trying to actually watch the show. Paula says he played it safe and she thinks he's too caught up with what people think of him, and he should just be who he is and give his all. Ack, that actually made sense. Simon tells Robbie not to be so defensive, and that he thought the vocal was good tonight. Whooooaaaahhhh!

Danny "C'mon Get Happy, Because I Am!" Noreiga was in a punk rock band in 9th grade, with "yelling and screaming and rebellious kids playing instruments" (said with an excellent lisp.) He's like a caricature of himself. Geez, and people were convinced Clay Aiken was gay - he looks like Brad Pitt next to this kid. Anyway, Danny and I have the same haircut, I think, and he's singing Superstar, and wearing a sweater that he borrowed from my grandma. The vocal is not terrible - if I just heard it cold, with no pre-performance clip or post-performance critique, and I couldn't see him, then I might even like it. Randy says he's a fan, but that he's got this slow vibrato that he should work on. And that he's also thinking while he's singing, which is messing him. Paula says to try to "forget about us" while he's singing (Pauler, no offense, but it's not you that he's thinking about.) Simon says that he likes him because he stands out and is original, and that he looks terrific on camera. Ack. Then Danny does that annoying thing that girls who are like, 18-24 do on their MySpace and/or Facebook pictures - that lips-pushed-out not-quite-kissyface thing. I HATE that.

Ryan reminds us that the guys are singing tonight, in case we were confused after Danny Noreiga's performance, and that the girls are singing TOMORROW. David Hernandez tells us that he used to be a gymnast, then gives us a detailed description about putting on his leotard and the leggings that went over them. Well, I could have done without that. Anyway, David is singing Papa Was a Rolling Stone, and it's a good performance. He sounds good to me, and he's throwing in some dance moves and good inflections. Oh, and a glory note! Much better than last week. (EDIT - maybe David's dance moves were honed at the gay strip clubs for which he supposedly danced.) Randy is laughing about the little jump at the end, and says that THIS is the David Hernandez that we fell in love with. Speak for yourself, I'm not in love with him yet. Paula says that his voice is so pure that it pierces right in the pocket. Huh? It's like she takes a bunch of cliches and mixes them all together, adds a splash of vodka and says whatever comes out. She's glad that he didn't overdo the song and didn't growl. Did he growl last week? I missed it. She says it was perfect. Simon gives it his Best Vocal of the Night Award. He says that he likes that when he's given criticism, he treats it as a challenge instead of sulking. David thanks God. Now I need some Diet Pepsi.

Jason Yeager picked up a piano when he was really young (amazing! A mini-Hercules!) He also picks up guitars. He's not using his instruments in Idol yet, but will if he finds the right song. He's singing Long Train Running by The Doobie Brothers. It's meh. Randy says that there are so many great 70s songs, and that he picked a song that isn't really a singer's song and that he had some pitch problems. Paula says that it's a song without many notes in it, so that it doesn't show his vocal range. Very diplomatic, Pauler. Simon says that last week was boring and that this week was worse, and that the ending that he did was bad. He calls the performance "ghastly" and says that he looked like he was drunk at a party. Jason is doing this annoying thing with his tongue. I want him to stop it now. He does stop it, and starts blathering on and on about being their dependable dog and blah blah blah. I really hate it when they let the judges advice go in one ear and out the other. They've given these kids a HUGE advantage in achieving their dreams to be musicians, and I hate ungratefulness. And sometimes Simon is uncouth (like certain doctors I've worked with) but there's constructive criticism in there SOMEWHERE. Even in the mean and hateful doctor's Why Are You In Medical School diatribe, there was one thing that I was able to fish out and work on the next day. So Jason annoys me and I'm ready for him to go away.

Chikezie tells us that his name is Nigerian, and was constantly mispronounced until he finally let the mispronunciation be the actual pronunciation. His name means "something well-created by God". Well, that's nice. Well-created by God, mispronounced by humans. Doesn't that describe almost everything? He's singing I Believe To My Soul by Van Morrison (also by Ray Charles) and I'm underwhelmed, but he does appear to be having fun. Randy says, again, that THIS is the guy that we fell in love with. (It's the catchphrase of the day, spread it like wildfire.) He says Chikezie is in it to win it. Paula likes the fact that he picked a story-song and pointed at Simon with the line "you better remember my name". Heh. That was pretty clever, as much as I hate to agree with Paula. Simon tells him that it was the right song and that it was a million times better than last week. There's a cute little banter about whether Chikezie would wear the orange suit again, and he says that he's worn it on TV and can't do a repeat - that only Simon can do that. BUUUUURN! Simon's all, "Just when I was starting to like you," and asks Chikezie's mother in the audience if she's horrified. She is. Laughs all around.

David Cook is a word nerd and can say lots of 15-cent words. He can say them really fast too. He also does crosswords. I love him. He's playing a guitar and singing All Right Now by Free. Good performance - I'd buy that song too. The music sounded great. Randy liked the "rock star" thing where he threw his pick out in the crowd. Ha. Pauler says it was very smart, fun, and relevant to who he is, and she loved it. Simon says it was solid and sort-of believable. He says he didn't think the pre-performance clip did him any favors because "crosswords are boring". Pffft. I thought was endearing. Not so endearing, though, is when Will Shortz / David pulled a Justin Guarini with the "maybe that's what you think, but America gets to pick".

David Archueta's pre-performance clip is a home video of him at the AI1 summer tour, and he must have gotten backstage passes or something, because he's singing for a bunch of the Idols, including Kelly Clarkson, and he's amazing. Wow. Kelly's all "You're the bees knees!" or something - you can tell she's impressed by him. Speaking of being impressed by him - he's doing a great job on Imagine. Wow, I think I'm going to cry. Randy says he's been saying all this year that it's about the young ones, and says it's one of the best performances on this stage. He asks why David didn't choose the first verse, and David says he sang the third verse because he likes the message and it's his favorite verse. Paula is wiping away tears and says that it was one of the most moving performances she's ever seen. I hate to be a blubbering mess like Pauler, but I was a little teary too. It's just such a great song (although it's too idealistic to ever happen, at least until the Millennial Reign) and here's this kid singing it so perfectly. Anyway, they show his parents in the audience - I think his dad is crying too. Simon says he's the one to beat and that there are 19 other miserable contestants. David still looks very humble and "aww shucks" though - I hope he stays that way. I think he's going to be #2, if he doesn't win - but I predict him to be around a long time.

Okay, my top 3: David Archueta, Luke Menard, Michael Johns. Honorable mention to David Hernandez for the comeback. (Striken after the edit up there.) And I like David Cook for his crossword nerdiness, but I'm mad at him for talking back to Simon so I'm not putting him in my top this week.

On the chopping block: Jason Yeager and maybe Robbie Carrico.

Quote of the episode goes to Paula, to David Archueta: "I want to squeeze you, I want to squish you, I want to pop your head off and dangle you from my rearview mirror." Started off normal, ended creepily. Classic Paula.

AI7 - Top 12 girls - another liveblog

Ryan tells us that that the worst cold season in history has affected the best 24 singers in Idol history. (Not real sure if this is the worst cold season in history, but that's okay. Ryan probably doesn't know about Influenza 1918.) Randy says stuff about dogs/dawgs. Paula's excited because she heard a little bit of rumblings of rehearsals. And ew, Simon just gave Ryan one of those up-and-down looks. Skeevy. Here we go with the audition/Hollywood recap - and there's nothing really worth writing about here. People crying, laughing, musing about life and what it all means, a handful of "are you serious????"es, and then some girls jump in a pool.

Horton Hears a Who - love Dr. Seuss, love Steve Carrell. Not so much love for Jim Carrey. But since I don't have to see Jim Carrey's face, I might be able to overlook him. Hey, if I could overlook Barbra Streisand in Meet the Fockers, I can overlook anything.

Kristy Lee Cook. She likes to sing and likes horses. Apparently she likes singing better, because she sold her horse to audition in Philedelphia. Aww, I hope she can get him back. She's singing something besides Amazing Grace - it's Rescue Me, and I am thoroughly underwhelmed. She'd better improve soon, or it's bye bye, horsie. Randy says it wasn't her best performance and that she had some pitch problems. Pauler says it's okay that it was rough around the edges, because Kristy Lee is one of the sick ones this week - but Pauler's not done. She advises Kristy not to let that get in the way of what she's emoting - which hopefully, isn't respiratory droplets. Simon says the song didn't suit her, that it's more designed for a "belter", and that her bronchitis isn't winning any sympathy votes from him. Pauler says she'd like to see him do it. Simon says he could. Pauler says, "With HIGH HEELS on??" Do high heels make bronchitis worse? Hmm. Kristy Lee is very cute, though - she could always do America's Next Top Model if this doesn't pan out.

Joanne Borgella is a plus-sized model, and she figures that the judges expected a rough and soulful performance from her, but that's not her style. She wants to touch people's lives the way music has touched her life. Don't we all, Joanne? Don't we all. She's singing I Say a Little Prayer (one of my favorite scenes in My Best Friend's Wedding, BTW). I hear something unique in her voice, and she is beautiful. I like her a lot so far. Randy says the first part was a little weird and blames it on nerves, but says she pulled it out. Paula says that Joanne has a strong sense of herself (Randy translates - "confidence") and Simon says he didn't like it. (Boo. This is one of the 5% of times I disagree with Simon.) Heh, Joanne's parents look like they could kill everybody. Joanne tells Ryan that she's going to go back to her Hollywood self, which she says was "amazing". Well.

Ryan's on the couch with Alaina Whitaker, who is the youngest contestant and has a birthday tomorrow. (I'm having scary flashblacks of Carmen Rasmussen (AI2) and Jasmine Trias (AI3) Alaina, of course, wants to stick around in AI Land for her birthday. Hee - Simon tells her during her audition that she's not as good as she thinks she is, and she says, "Shoot." Alaina is singing More Today Than Yesterday, which someone sang yesterday but I don't remember who. When she finishes, Randy is laughing because "Season 7 is the year of the young ones, man!" And THAT is hilarious. It's funny when people are still young. You know, I think Paula has a little of a quasi-mullet. Paula and her mullet really liked Alaina's ending. Simon says that he thinks she's really good, while he hated the song because he doesn't know what it is. Alaina can't finish a sentence at this point except to say that she's happy. Amanda Overmyer and her skunk-streaked hair are going to rock it out when we come back.

And we're back! Ryan reminds us how the show works - you vote for who you like. Really, is there anybody on the planet who doesn't know how this show works, or can't figure it out if they don't know already? Apparently Amanda Overmyer has been hit by a semi truck. Yikes. Her goal is to solidify the presence of rock & roll. Wow, that's a lofty goal. She's singing Baby Please Don't Go, wearing some cool pants that I wish I could fit into, and doing a good bit of scream-singing. Randy is laughing again - probably thinking about young people again. No, he's amused by her scatting and also likes her "trousers". Pauler loves everything that Amanda does - even that time she got hit by a semi, Paula loved it. Simon says that he really likes Amanda because she's unique. Then he accuses her of forgetting words that weren't there in the first place. Hee. Amanda apologizes to the semi truck driver for pulling out in front of him - ha. She's cute.

Amy Davis is 25 and from Lowell, Indiana. She's a trade model and a grad student, and I think she's wearing a lingerie top in both her audition and the Hollywood round. Perhaps the same lingerie top. She says this experience is like 100 Christmases as a 6-year-old girl all packed into one - well, how intolerant! She should have said, "100 non-specific holidays in December". She's singing Where The Boys Are, and has kind of an old-school quality to her voice - it's pretty good, until the end when she goes a little wacky. Randy didn't think it was great - he says when you scoop up to the note, you've got to hit it. Okay. Pauler says the camera loves her, but that her nerves got the best of her, and she didn't love the song choice. Simon says that she looks great but didn't sound great - the song was boring, the arrangement was boring, and she should have a country twang to make that song work. Apparently she left her country twang in her other pants. Oh well, I liked her anyway - I think she has potential. Amy says she was somewhere between shaky and terrified before coming onstage. Funny, that's how I wake up most mornings.

Brooke White is next - she's a 24-year-old nanny. They show the part of her audition where the judges say they're going to bring her to the dark side, and she says "I dare you" and then she freaks out because she said "I dare you" to Simon Cowell. She's singing So Happy Together (really, did they have 12 songs to pick from?) Dude, Luke Menard really does look like the confusingly-popular Orlando Bloom, SarahK! Good call. I don't know how I missed that last night. Anyway, Randy - the front part of the song wasn't good, but she started slaying the back part. Simon is confused by what "slaying" means. Pauler says that Brooke is original and that she can hear her voice and know that it's Brooke. Well, I don't know about that. Simon says that she chose the right song but that he feels like he's in a commercial for "washing up liquid". Huh? Those crazy Brits. Simon says one shouldn't be sunny, happy and clean all the time. Meaning they shouldn't live in washing-up liquid commercials. I guess that's the moral of the story.

Alexandrea Lushington is next. Aw, they show the part from her audition with her great-grandmother - "Don't make me cry because they're takin' pictures!" Cute. Is she wearing the same outfit from her audition in Hollywood? Maybe she has two of them. Oh, she's starting at the top of the stairs - that's different. And she's singing Spinning Wheel. She's also wearing a cute outfit - much better than the military garb. Randy mentions Blood Sweat and Tears and says that Alexandrea got it. Her parents in the audience are happy about this. Pauler likes that Alexandrea thought about every aspect of the performance - I liked that too. Blake Lewis always did that, which I appreciated, even though he wasn't my favorite. And you know who else always researched and prepared well for performances? Clay Aiken. Claaaaaaaaay! Sorry, it's a reflex. Anyway, Simon manages to say he doesn't like it, is greeted by a Wall of Boos, and finally raises his voice over the complaining and says that is was kareoke or cruise ship or one of those interchangeable insults that he uses that mean the same thing. Alexandrea corrects Simon on the pronounciation of her name. Simon says that he hasn't heard an outstandingly good vocal, other than one girl earlier tonight. Simon is also making a weird gesture with his thumb on the side of his head - is he signalling some British terrorist group to strike all bad singers everywhere?

Ryan reminds us again that we're voting for our favorite girl. Do people still mess that up? I'm baffled. Anyway, it's Kady Malloy, who actually does an pretty good Britney Spears imitation. And she also looks so similar to Alaina Whitaker that I'm going to get them confused. Kady is singing A Groovy Kind of Love, and I'm swaying back and forth, because that's what I do when I hear this song. When Scott hears this song (i.e., on my iPod) he goes, "What the crap is this?" Oh dear, I must have been bored with that performance because I didn't write about it - I wrote about something else while she was singing. That's how I can tell, see. Randy says she should have belted and that the performance was too controlled. Pauler says she looks really pretty, but that we fell in love with her personality - Paula wants to see her life, the fun Kady. Simon agrees with Pauler and says that Kady's performance was like Night of the Living Dead. Simon says that when she's someone else, she's brilliant - when she's herself, she's boring. He doesn't know who could impersonate her, and suggests a pencil. This horrifies Paula and Randy and Randy's all, "Ryan, stop this!" like Simon is preparing to waterboard Kady or something. Anyway, I think the Britney cuteness will carry her through at least one bad performance.

Asia'h Epperson is next, and she's talking about her dad in the pre-performance clip. She says that yes, he totally did die, all of you non-believers. So pffft on you all! She's singing Piece of My Heart, and it's really not just a Janis Joplin impersonation. I like her voice, but I don't like the apostrophe in her name because it's stupid. Randy loves that she brought a little bit of herself to the Janis song. Paula says she had some really good moments. It was Simon's favorite of the night. He says she's fun, likeable, not taking herself too seriously. Well, good for Asia'h. Ryan does a scary grin with a singsongy "Look who's having a good time over there!" pointing at Simon. Creepy McCreeperson.

Ramiele Malubay - a wee little thing with a big voice. I don't remember seeing her audition or her Hollywood performance, but from these clips, she looks very promising. Ramiele is excited to get onstage and show everybody what she can do. Well, one thing she can do is have some bizarre hair. But that's okay. She's singing You Don't Have to Say You Love Me - and I actually didn't like this song, but when I heard her singing the beginning, before I realized what it was, I made a mental note to find it on iTunes. That's a good thing, Ramiele. Randy loved, loved that she started slow and built it up - and then she stuck to the melody without doing a bunch of runs. He says that she's a pro, and classy, and that it was hot. Paula thought it was really great and liked the accents with her head. Simon says he didn't like her when he first saw her, was warming up at Hollywood, and tonight she outsang every other singer. Poor Asia'h only had about 5 minutes of being the best - oh well. Ramiele loves hair and makeup and her shoes. Ryan says he loves the shoes too, and then tries to un-gay that remark by saying, "I mean, they go with your outfit." He did that earlier in the night, too. Ryan, we just really don't care.

Syesha Mercado, 21 years old and from Sarasota who lives in Miami now - she's a working actress there. She lost her voice during Hollywood week and had to write everything. Man, that would be annoying. But on day 4, she pulled it out and wants every performance to be like that from now on. Okay, back to present day. Syesha is singing Tobacco Road, and she sings it bluesy and good. Okay, I like her - they seem to have saved the best girls for last tonight. Randy tells her that he really liked it and that it was consistent. Paula says that it was joyful, fun, and big. Big? Okay, big. Simon says it wasn't her best, best performance, but that it doesn't matter because she's probably one of the most talented girls in the competition. Ryan says, "Does she have the package, Simon?", and Simon says, "Oh my gosh, yes." Good praise from Simon. Paula goofily points out that Syesha has "yes" in her name.

Carly Smithson is last. She tells us that her first record came out when she was 17, and then the record company imploded. Her album is on Amazon and actually has good reviews. I might check her out on iTunes, if she's there. They show a clip where Ryan stupidly asks Carly how important it is for her to make it through. She's like, "Duh, really important." Hee. She's singing The Shadow of Your Smile, and she does a pretty great job, although she needs to enunciate a little better - I couldn't understand the lyrics much. Randy says, "BLAZING HOT!!!" and calls it the best vocal in two days. Paula says that she's the lucky coin in your pocket - reliable. Okay. Simon says he didn't get it - he says there's so much buzz and expectation surrounding Carly, and that the song was too old-fashioned for her. Even her mic technique was cabaret. He says it was a letdown. I really hate when Paula argues with Simon while he's giving his opinion - she always comes across like a 3rd-grader. Shut up, Paula.

In the recap, I'm noticing this scary wide-eyed thing that Kristy Lee Cook did. I'm also noticing that she's just not very good at all, compared to some of the others.

Dang, I liked 6 of them. Here's my favorites from tonight:

• Amanda Overmyer
• Alexandrea Lushington
• Asia'h Epperson
• Ramiele Malubay
• Syesha Mercado
• Carly Smithson

Randy says that the guys were hot, but that the girls were a little hotter. Paula says that you're going to be nervous, but to instead focus on thinking that you're blessed to be in this business. Simon says he can't follow anything Paula says. Simon thinks there are 3 great guys at the moment, and 3-4 great girls. Randy points out that that's not even. Duh.

Eep! Randy has clones on each shoulder - Alaina and Kady. They really do look scarily similar. Give it up for Randy Miner and the band! Good night everybody!

AI7 - Top 12 guys - A LIVEBLOG, y'all!

Ah, the familiar AI stage. Ryan spends about 5 minutes making sure we understand that the auditions are OVER and we now get to CHOOSE. I'm wondering if Ryan is getting tired of this gig. I could almost hear it in his intro: "THIS ..." (I hate my life) "Is American Idol."

Oh geez, Danny Noreiga - you don't want anyone to be having one of those "is he or isn't he" discussions, do you?

David Arc-somebody is the guy with the tinglies that I said reminds me a little of a junior-high Scott.

Words of advice from the judges? Randy - Keep it real, man. Paula - pick the right songs. Apparently Simon is babbling and not letting her think. Right. Simon is looking for personality and originality, and someone who sings well.

Triple duh to all of that.

And now a quick recap, before we pay the bills - there's silly string, high-pitched screams, and the "OLLYWOOD" sign. Oh - I guess I should get a wide-screen TV.

Heeeeere's David Hernandez, with our first song from the 60s. He's 24 years old and from Glendale, AZ. It comes from his soul when he sings, and not his larynx like everyone else. He says he's from a broken family and lived in low income housing, which is what makes the singing come from the soul and not the larynx where it would normally come from. I wonder how long you have to live in low-income housing for that phenomenon to occur? Anyway, he was a wreck on the elevator last week, and Simon told him he's got to work a heck of a lot harder. We shall see. He's singing Wilson Pickett's "In the Midnight Hour", with a different arrangement (a slow, gospel-ish beginning with an organ.) Those last couple of notes were a little sour, but I didn't see anything particularly wrong with him. Randy tells him to watch the long phrasing, yo. And then Randy gets all excited because the competition is ONNNNN! Paula says something about coloring up his vibratto. Simon admits that it's better than he thought - he liked the beginning, the middle was "rabbit in the headlights" (huh?) and a few bad notes in the end. He also says there wasn't anything particularly distinctive about it. I agree. Jay says his self-confidence is better from the comments. It was probably the rabbit in the headlights comment - I know *I* feel better about myself when someone calls me a rabbit.

Next is the guy who shows the importance of sticking to your dreams. It's Chikezie! He auditioned last year and got to Hollywood, but then was sent home. Sucks for him. Apparently he practiced a little, and now he's back. He's nice and smiley. I hope he does well. He's wearing an orange suit, singing that he doesn't remember what day it was or what time it was - I'm thinking that I don't know what notes those were and that he's starting off rather badly. (Actually, he's singing More Today Than Yesterday by Spiral Starecase.) Okay, maybe it was nerves - he's getting better. Randy says Chikezie is an old-fashioned singer and that he needs to young-it-up. Paula reassures him that he's here, in case he didn't know. She says he looks good and has lost a lot of weight, and that his smile is infectious. Simon stumbles over Chikezie (I would too) calling him something like "Jacuzzi" and says he hated the whole performance. Chikezie is getting attitude-y and isn't letting him finish. Simon is saying the wink and the suit and such were too cheesy, Chikezie. Chikezie is trying to explain - it's the 60s genre, and the 60s were cheesy. Okay. Chikezie isn't understanding the criticism and is acting in that annoying "I know more than the judges" way. Don't do that, Chikezie. No! Bad dog!

Ryan's on the red couch with Colton Berry, who would like the audience to know that he looks like Ellen DeGeneres at certain angles. Eeep. He also reassures us that since the judges tell him he's too theatrical, he's been trying to tone it down (heh - I first typed "tutone it down", which involves using real phone numbers in songs and tormenting people with that phone number through all eternity.) Anyway, I'm glad he's Tutoning it down. I've been losing sleep over that all week.

David Cook is too relaxed, says Ryan. He's 25 and from Missouri. Simon said that his audition in Omaha was either a bit "wordy" or "worthy". Huh? A question for the ages, because now even Simon can't remember what he said. In Hollywood, it seems that holding on to a guitar makes David too comfortable. Maybe I should put one in my white coat pocket. David needlessly says that it's good to have people say, "Hey, you don't suck." David, we already knew that. David starts on the Stool of Seriousness (tm Shack) and is singing So Happy Together. I liked the arrangement, although the very end sounded a little strained and I was afraid he was going to throw the mic stand. Randy felt it, dawg. Paula tries to make fun of the wordy/worthy thing, and fails miserably. Simon didn't like the weird middle but says that he almost made it believeable. Ryan asks Randy if he's seeing David's persona evolve. Randy answers and says something about Alice in Chains. Well.

A one-hour results show - ick. Lots of filler. But I will watch, because AI does that to me. Jason Yeager is a singing surfer. Or a singing surgeon. Surfer, I think. Jason took his kid to Hollywood, and naturally hugged his son after getting his Hollywood ticket in a lovely family moment. He wants to win to show his son that he can achieve his dreams. Oh dear - he's going to milk this son/family thing for all it's worth (for more information, see Grayson, Josh.) Jason is singing Moon River from the Stool of Seriousness. But no! He has arisen! He's just so excited about two drifters off to see the world. He's singing well, but smiling in weird places. And look, his son! In the audience! Did you know he had a son? Randy says it's a tough song to sing, and it's tougher than Jason probably even thought. Kind of like medical school. (Randy didn't say that, I did.) Randy actually gives some real advice and tells him not to lose his concentration in the middle of a song like that, because it seems that he kind of went away halfway through. Paula tries to say the same thing Randy said, fails miserably because it was actually coherent and useful, and ends up saying that she did her first ballet recital to that song. Awwwww. Jason talks about his grandmother, because she taught him the song. Awwwwwwww. Nobody told me I was going to need tissues! Good grief, people. Simon thought it was very cruise ship - how'd I know he was going to say that? Simon also says that some of us are sitting at home with question marks over our heads. I don't see one above my head, FYI. The judges get into a weird conversation about dogs, and Simon gets a little defensive and says he's raised a LOT of dogs from puppies, darn it! Oooookay. Don't touch that dial!

Ryan reminds us that we're voting for our favorite guy, instead of our favorite girl or favorite sandwich or favorite houseplant. Look, it's Robbie Carrico, everybody! And we're going to time-warp to Robbie Carrico's audition, where Robbie Carrico is looking a lot like Bo Bice! Pauler is looking very googly-eyed at him at his audition. Apparently, Robbie was in a group (Boyz N Girlz United - Bwahahahahaha. Info courtesy of Katrina) and toured with Britney Spears. Ack. He says that he was dying to do some rock after that (understandably.) He did Hemorrhage (In my Hands) by Fuel in Hollywood, and it turned out really well, which surprised him. Now he's doing One is the Loneliest Number - which is one of my favorite songs about numbers. Is he rocking it up just a bit? Cool. Then again, it needs something because the song only has one and a half lines of lyrics. I might like this guy. Stay tuned. Robbie had Randy rockin' out. Pauler says it's the perfect song for him, he looks fantastic, he was authentic, and droooooooooool. Simon says it's the only performance we've seen that had any semblance of making sense, because Robbie made it current. Simon is perplexed, trying to decide if he's a rock or pop singer, and decides the best way to figure this out is to ask Robbie. Robbie says something that I thought was "Pop", but I guess it was "Rock." I don't think Simon believes him.

David Archuleta - he's all shaky and giggly. And he looks like he's eleven. And he's singing Shop Around. He sounds pretty good, but the background vocals are bad and are distracting, IMO. He didn't change the song a bit - except for slowing down the ending, which isn't really changing it. Judges? Randy says he's a big fan and that it was really brilliant. Apparently, according to Randy, David sang the song very maturely for a 17-year-old. All right then. Paula has forgotten how old he is, and sees a confident older soul who "knows what's best for you." She's such a blatherer. I think she means she's trying to rationalize away the fact that he's jailbait. Simon loved it. David is speechless and is babbling all over the place. Ryan says, "You're so likeable." Awww! Randy lurves David. Cute. Here's the thing, though - David's gotta start saying actual words and not just mumble through a bunch of giggles.

Ryan does some really hard math for us - we started with 12, we've seen six - which leaves ... oh, how many, how many??? Six. Thanks Ryan. Oh my, Danny Noreiga. He got cut last year. He's got a nice voice (sorry, Katrina, but something about his voice reminds me a smidge of Clay Aiken. Not the gay part, though. Really, I promise. I'm not trying to blow the dust off of dead horses in order to kick them without causing my allergies to flare.) Danny's singing Jailhouse Rock by Elvis. The girls are politely rocking out. The performance was meeehhhhh. Randy asks what's going down, and Danny says nothing much is going down. You know, it's hard to answer Randy's questions, really it is. Randy says Danny knows how to have a good time no matter what, and that the vocals didn't allow him to do his thing. But that the vocals were kind of hot. Okay. Paula gives a few synonyms of hot - she randomly says, "warm, scalding" and then says she loves how his voice goes in and out of all of these wonderful colors. Simon doesn't understand Pauler (does anyone?) and finally asks her about the colors - "what color was that?" Blue? Purple? Heh. Simon calls the performance grotesque and says that if you're going to do Elvis, do it well. I agree. He says that if someone just tuned in and saw someone butchering an Elvis song, they wouldn't believe this was the most talented group of people in America. Then the judges bicker for awhile, during which Paula doesn't listen and Simon makes lots of sense. On the seal with Ryan, Danny gets all snippy and catty - "Some people didn't LIKE IT." That's actually what judges do, though - sometimes they like it, sometimes they don't. They judge stuff. I liked his audition vocals better, myself.

Ryan points out the ladies and asks if they're feeling good. He ponders whether the next idol will be a lady or will it be Luke Menard? Hmmmm. Luke auditioned in season 6 in Memphis, and was cut there. He practiced, worked on things, and got a golden ticket in Omaha. And then he and his wife jumped up and down! Yay! It was so fun! Then he made the top 24, and some guys picked him up and gave him high fives! Hooray! Luke is singing Everybody's Talking, more slowly than the versions I've heard. He doesn't work the stage very well - standing there with his hands through his beltloops or in his pockets or something - and his vocals are forgettable. Let's see what the judges say - I'll bet Pauler heard colors or saw lyrics or smelled butterflies or something. Randy calls "pitchy". It wasn't great for him, dude. Paula didn't think it was the best song choice and was glad his earlier auditions were good - that he has that Kenny Loggins tenderness. (?) Simon asks Pauler what color it was, and she said it wasn't black or gray. (I'm guessing this is a joke about his choices in T-shirts.) Simon says it was forgettable (after I wrote it up there, I promise) and that no one is going to remember him. Then he shushes Paula because she's blathering on and interrupting him. Luke says he felt good when he was singing and didn't agree with Simon and me on the "forgettable" assessment. He thinks people will remember the performance tomorrow. Keep on dreaming, Luke. Ryan gives Pauler a non-existent "Patience" award. Or maybe it's a "Patient" award. That would make much more sense.

Colton Berry, He of the Light Eyelashes, is next. Dang, he keeps revealing embarrassing things about himself. He sings the Teletubbies theme song in his head when he's nervous, which he did for about three hours before auditioning. He says this is all he's ever wanted. I guess he didn't want anything at all before 2002. Not even a Tickle-Me Elmo, and everybody wanted one of those. Anyway, he's singing Suspicious Minds and appears very happy to be there. I think they've dyed his hair and eyelashes and he looks much better. Mercy, his dancing is spastic and bad. The singing is okay, though. Randy points out that he was having fun and that he found his way toward the end. (Better to find your way at the beginning, but whatever.) Pauler agrees with the "fun" assessment. She doesn't think it's his best performance. Simon says it's not as bad as the other Elvis song. He reminds us that this show is to find a recording artist, and that he heard Young Kid Singing Song Well On Musical Theater. Ryan asks him to elaborate. Simon calls it kareoke and Paula clarifies by saying something like, "Maybe you'll show another side and that side will better kareoke..." Huh? Whatever it was, it was particularly nonsensical, even for Pauler.

Ryan points out that Garrett Haley hasn't had much camera time, but that Kelly Clarkson didn't either. Also, though, Kelly could SANG and she was cute and she was very likeable. Garrett tells us he's been watching the show since he was 9 or 10 (I am OLD) and he thinks he looks like Ellen DeGeneres too. Stop the madness, people! None of you look like Ellen DeGeneres! Garrett was on vacation and decided to audition - his mom said, "Go big or go home." I think his mom should write a book. Garrett is singing a painfully slow version of Breaking Up Is Hard to Do, and I'm recalling choreography from Richard Simmons's Sweating to the Oldies. Shut up. Garrett is singing well, it's just too slow. He should have switched it up in the middle or something. I mean, good grief, I've cleaned out two closets and defragged my hard drive since he's been singing. And made toast. Anybody else want some? Oh wait, he's done now. The crowd is going berserk, but I don't know why. Randy is not going berserk. He says that he loves the song and gives props to Neil Sedaka, but that Garrett didn't do anything with the song and didn't bring anything new or interesting. Garrett also had a couple of pitch problems, says Randy. Oh man, Pauler just agreed with what I said up there. I think I shall poke myself in the eyeball. Simon agrees with the others and says that he looks like he's been shut up in his bedroom for a few months - he needs some sunlight, fresh air, and needs to make himself young. What? Garrett assures us that he's breathing, and I think Paula has fallen asleep. Someone please check her pupils for miosis or mydriasis. Did Simon just call Garrett a young girl? Anyway, Simon tells Garrett he needs to become relevant. I agree. Garrett reacts very well to this, says it's constructive criticism that he'll take to heart, and doesn't show the ridiculous attitude that we saw from Chikezie.

Ryan reminds us of the iTunes thing, that we can carry around the top 24 in our pocket. Whee! It's just what I've always wanted. Jason Castro is 20 years old and from Texas. He says he'd only sung in public about 5 times before his audition in Dallas, and that he plays drums. He also plays guitar, and did so in Hollywood - Simon called it one of his favorite auditions that day. Jason is singing What A Day For A Daydream, accompanied by himself on guitar, and I'm actually enjoying his performance - with a bit of head-bobbing, even. He's showing some good range, and his voice is enjoyable. Judges - Randy says he's a little pitchy and was a'ight, but didn't blow him away. Jason DID blow Pauler away - she's all over herself with praise. He picked a song perfect for him, it was minimal, effortless, and he was a blend of every favorite color she knows. So, she liked it. Simon says that Jason was in the top 2 of the night, along with David. He says that Jason's got charisma, and that his performance was terrific. Jason is obviously nervous and can't find any words. He says that the judges comments "feel[s] good."

Michael Johns - 29 years old and from Australia originally. He's been in the United States for 10 years. Oh, this is the guy that did the great Bohemian Rhapsody in Hollywood! I'd forgotten his name, but I like this guy. He seems articulate too, which I like. He's singing Light My Fire by The Doors. This is what he sang in the Hollywood first round, isn't it? Whatever, it sounded really great. Randy says that this is a great way to end a great night and that he threw all caution to the wind - he says Michael was the bomb tonight. Pauler says that he did set everyone on fire. Ouch. Simon calls Michael the most consistent contestant they have, although he didn't like this as much as Bohemian Rhapsody because he was "overtrying". Great review from Simon - he says that Michael has just "got it". Michael's feeling good about this, considering that he was nervous about Simon's critique. Ryan begs us not to let your favorite disappear.

My favorites:

1. Michael Johns
2. Jason Castro
3. David Cook

And I think David Archuleta is cute. That is all. So ends my foray into live-blogging - did you like? Should I do it again sometime?

American Idol Randomness

I've only been randomly watching Idol this season - I keep forgetting it's on, and then usually I've fallen asleep (because I've felt so crappy for months) and if I do watch it, I don't feel like sitting at the computer and blogging. With that said, tonight I'm feeling a smidge better and I have a few thoughts.

I've only seen Danny Noriega sing once, at Hollywood, but he did this one thing that reminded me of Clay Aiken for a second. I'll keep an eye on him.

And speaking of Clay Aiken, every time they say "Hotlanta", it reminds me of the crazy Clackhouse. I'm not so sure why that is - Clay Aiken must have done something in Atlanta (besides audition - hey, I *am* a PRoCer at heart, after all - I do remember some random Clay trivia.)

I might have to call shenanigans on Asia’h Epperson's story about her dad. She just wasn't reacting the way that I would be if my daddy had died suddenly two days before (God forbid.) Also, her apostrophe reminds me of a post that I need to do, because it's something that really grinds my gears - people who name their kids stupid things with phonetic spellings and random punctuation scattered throughout.

I like Amanda Overmyer. I'm thinking she may scare the old people at the nursing home, though.

I also like Josiah Leming, but I don't understand why he has this occasional British accent.

Nice to see that Pauler is still talking about happy spirits and magicalness. Randy is sitting in the middle, though, and it's throwing my world off a little bit. Also, about Randy - he doesn't know how to work percentages. And so he should just stop saying things like, "Eleventy billion percent yes!" Because it annoys me when people mess up percentages. And it's all about ME.

Perrie Cataldo - oversang everything, like his life depended on it. Good thing it didn't.

That guy who kept talking about the "tingly feeling" that he only gets when he sings (didn't catch his name) reminds me of a junior-high version of Scott. A little bit.

Amy Flynn & her abstinence curriculum (not that there's anything wrong with that) always looks freshly scrubbed. And also, unfortunately for her and her Caruso hairstyler, freshly eliminated.

Dear Bruce Dickson, it's very creepy to have one of those "half" necklaces with your DAD. You probably shouldn't tell that to the entire country (and my BFF Corrie, who I'm sure is watching from Dutchlandia.)

Kristy Lee Cook, Amazing Grace is a great song - no doubt about that. But things usually don't fare well for people who always sing the same song. Just ask ... uh, that one girl. Whose name I can't remember. See?

It's hilarious that Jeffrey Lampkin is singing so passionately about PEE-kan pie. (Speaking of PEE-kan pie - I can't eat it normally. I'm allergic to tree nuts, so I have to scrape the PEE-kan layer off and just eat the filler goo and the crust. It's really good that way, too.) Anyway, Jeffrey Lampkin. I might like him if he's not too Ruben-esque. Not rubenesque, Ruben-esque. You know.

Angela Martin's dad just died too? Geez - all the other contestant's dads better watch themselves.

Oh! Did I tell y'all about the American Idol concert that I went to back in the fall? It was actually pretty entertaining (shut up!) - I went with my mom, and met a random person who is now my Facebook friend (she's applying to my medical school.) But the most interesting part was afterwards, when I met Scott at a movie theater (within walking distance of the concert arena) to see 3:10 to Yuma. A few minutes after the movie started, two guys walked in with a few other guys and sat right in front of us, and I am like, 95% sure that it was Blake Lewis and Chris Richardson. Well - 97% on Blake and about 90% on Chris. "Blake" spent a good bit of the movie IMing on his phone, and I spent a good bit of the movie watching Possibly!Blake and Possibly!Chris - so much so that Scott gave me a quiz on the movie on the way home. Heh. I can pay attention to two things at once, you know - it's installed in the female brain.

It was barftastic.

Yesterday, since I'm taking this rotation off (I really need to give y'all details on that, because I KNOW you're clamoring for them) I was lazily watching afternoon TV while editing the eleventy billion pictures that are on my baby (my Canon 30D) that I've let pile up over the past 6 months or so. But I digress.

Afternoon TV includes The Oprah, and she had Julia Roberts and Tom Hanks as guests, promoting Charlie Wilson's War. But what they were really on there to do was to remind us all how FAMOUS they all are (The Oprah included.) For crying out loud, they might as well have been saying things like, "Look at me! I'm FAMOUS! I have babies and give them names that make them sound like they're 80 years old!"

"No, I'm MORE famous! My son is also an ACK-tor."

And then Oprah chimes in, "I'm so glad that I'm so FAMOUS that I can have my BEST FRIENDS Julia and Tom on my show, so that I can emit my charming horse laugh at their every word! Hoo hoo hoo hooooo!"

Ack.

Seriously - Hazel and now baby Henry? Geez. And I'm not going to mention Phinnaeus, because I don't even know what kind of ridiculous name that is.

They also talked at length about a scene in which Tom spends a large amount of time in a milk bath (see also Eeeeeeeew, eeeeeeeeewwww!) The whole show was just very vomitus-inducing. I was thinking, "Did I accidentally drink 12 raw eggs mixed with milk and mustard? Because I don't recall ..."

All three of them suffer from a SEVERE case of Full-Of-Themselvesitisosis, and one oddity associated with that syndrome is that it nauseates other people. Especially people who aren't famously FAMOUS and are educated instead.

Rock Of Love - Fab Five haiku

Lace equals nut bar
Too bad but she's good TV
Want Jes for *my* friend

Seriously, Jes is awesome - my favorite parts of the show are her little interview segments. If Bret doesn't pick her, I want her to move to West Virginia and be my BFF. Wait, I feel another haiku coming on, after seeing the preview for next week ...

Projectile vomit!
The napkin kept all unsprayed
Heather, rue tattoo?

Pat Kiernan is tricky

First of all, I'm furious that I'm not a contestant on The World Series of Pop Culture for 2007 on VH1, because I can rock these questions and I'm at least as interesting as these people.

And also, even when I hear the lyrics of It's Tricky by Run-D.M.C. READ by Pat Kiernan, I still have to dance to it. Just in case you were wondering. (By the way, I was totally amused with Pat's lyrics-reading in the "Rump Shaker" category. Hee.)

I'm having trouble finding non-school stuff to talk about since I'm not in the middle of the Harry Potter craze (I think I'm the only person on earth) but I am going to see Order of the Phoenix tonight with Scott and Huan. At least I think that's the name of it. Speaking of movies, Transformers was way better than I expected. It made me wonder if Shia LeBeouf is too young to be added to my Geek Love list (which also includes Zach Braff, Clay Aiken (shut up), and Adam Brody). *quick IMDb check* No! He's 21, which makes his addition to the list legal, but slightly creepy. Oh well. The movie also made me want to name my kid Optimus Prime. Would that be wrong? I mean, it's better than Pilot Inspektor (sic).

Random nostalgia for Arrested Development

Gob is accidentally working a day in his life (as a waiter), and charming up the customers:

G.O.B.: If you didn’t have adult onset diabetes, I wouldn’t mind giving you a little sugar.
Mrs. Van Skoyk: Oh, G.O.B... you could charm the black off a telegram boy.
Voiceover, aka Ron Howard: We'll just tell you now - she's the one who dies.

Ah, Arrested Development. How I miss ye, especially your blatant self-promotion in this S.O.B. (Save Our Bluths) episode. It's a good thing you're on G4, even if it is a confusing station for you to be on.

Also, holy crap on a stick, the USMLE Step One is HARD, y'all. But I am done, done, done!!! Now let's just hope I didn't screw it up TOO badly. I'll elaborate more later, but not so much that the USMLE will send their goons to my house to beat up my entire family (including the kittens who live out back.) The USMLE people are mean like that. They'd probably beat up kittens.

American Idol Performance Videos

Finally, it's the post that helps Googlers who are looking for American Idol mpgs to download. These are the ones that I have in my AI downloads folder - they're from the shows with Tony Bennett, Gwen Stefani, Peter Noone & Lulu (whoever they are), and Diana Ross. Fox (who ruin everything) is making it particularly hard for me to record American Idol on my Windows Media Center and make MPEG files out of it this season, so I have to pull a bunch of things out of my bag of tricks and it's slightly more time consuming. Hence the slowness. Anyway, enjoy! Oh, and I realize some of them are missing - Fox.Ruins.Everything.

Right-click and "save as", PLEASE! Directly clicking on the link and streaming the video from my server just wastes bandwidth. Please save the mpeg to your computer and then play it. Thanks!

Melinda Doolittle MPEGs
Top 9: I Got Rhythm ~45MB (mpg)
Top 10: Heaven Knows ~37MB (mpg)
Top 11: As Long As He Needs Me ~60MB (mpg)

Stephanie Edwards MPEGs
Top 11: You Don't Have to Say You Love Me ~68MB (mpg)
Top 12: Stormy Weather ~55MB (mpg)

Gina Glocksen MPEGs
Top 9: Smile ~33MB (mpg)
Top 10: I'll Stand By You ~42MB (mpg)
Top 11: Paint It Black ~81MB (mpg)

Lakisha Jones MPEGs
Top 9: Stormy Weather ~23MB (mpg)
Top 10: Last Dance ~40MB (mpg)
Top 11: Diamonds Are Forever ~73MB (mpg)
Top 12: God Bless the Child ~58MB (mpg)

Blake Lewis MPEGs
Top 9: Mack the Knife ~41MB (mpg)
Top 11: Time of the Season ~63MB (mpg)
Top 12: You Keep Me Hanging On ~63MB (mpg)

Sanjaya Malakar MPEGs
Top 9: Sanjaya Malakar ~36MB (mpg)
Top 10: Bathwater ~42MB (mpg)
Top 11: You Really Got Me ~63MB (mpg)

Chris Richardson MPEGs
Top 9: Don't Get Around Much Anymore ~45MB (mpg)
Top 11: Don't Let the Sun Catch You Crying ~56MB (mpg)
Top 12: The Boss ~50MB (mpg)

Haley Scarnato MPEGs
Top 9: Ain't Misbehavin' ~40MB (mpg)
Top 10: True Colors ~38MB (mpg)
Top 11: Tell Him ~56MB (mpg)

Chris Sligh MPEGs
Top 10: Every Little Thing She Does Is Magic ~57MB (mpg)
Top 11: She's Not There ~66MB (mpg)

Jordin Sparks MPEGs
Top 9: On A Clear Day ~40MB (mpg)
Top 10: Hey Baby ~35MB (mpg)
Top 11: I Who Have Nothing ~76MB (mpg)
Top 12: If We Hold On Together ~54MB (mpg)

Phil Stacey MPEGs
Top 9: Night And Day ~45MB (mpg)
Top 10: Every Breath You Take ~42MB (mpg)
Top 11: Tobacco Road ~53MB (mpg)
Top 12: I'm Gonna Make You Love Me ~50MB (mpg)

Top 24 Results Show
Entire show ~415MB (mpg)
Sowing the Seeds of Love ~26MB (mpg)
Fantasia's performance ~52MB (mpg)

Top 12 recap, snippets of each performance from the end of the show: ~36MB (mpg)

Top 11 recap, snippets and blahblahblah: ~36MB (mpg)

Are you kidding me?

Sanjaya? Really? You're just pushing it now, aren't you? You know you can do absolutely everything - talk your way through a song, wear bouffant hair, so why not an 8-ponytail mohawk updo?

At least he didn't REALLY dye the tips of his hair orange - that was just the lighting. Still, though. Ack.

American Idol - Top 10 Girls

So, the top 10 girls sang. And I recorded it - with my good ol' VCR, since American Idol has apparently embedded some sort of "anti-record" critter into their broadcast (hence the weird colored lines that cover half of my screen when I try to play it back through Windows Media Center. Boo! Once again, Fox.Ruins.Everything.) I can still make mpegs from VCR recordings, though, and will have those in my American Idol download folder shortly. Here's a few thoughts on the girls from last night (this was a "live blog" that I didn't get around to posting until now. It was "live" in the sense that I wrote it during the show.)

1. Gina Glocksen - Alone (Heart)
   Cute stuff about her boyfriend in the clip, but I couldn't help comparing some of it to Scott and me. First of all, if I jumped on him like that, I'd knock him clean off of his feet. Not that he's unusually wee - it's that I'm ginormous. It would be like a hurricane hit him - or a runaway elephant perhaps. And he would NEVER put red streaks in his hair to match mine - he'd be more likely to say, "What in the world kind of red stuff is in your hair? Oh, you MEAN for it to be there? Why didn't you do your entire head? Did you run out of dye?" A fashionista he is not. And that, actually, is a very good thing. Because a boyfriend a la Christian from Clueless would not be very good at all. Oh, back to Gina. She was good - but I agree with Simon about the end - it felt as if she had run out of breath and was trying to yell the rest of the song.
2. Alaina Alexander - Not Ready to Make Nice (Dixie Chicks - ugh)
   Much better than last week - she almost makes me want to patronize the Dixie Chicks and buy that song. Almost. Still, her voice pales in comparison to most of the other girls - if she gets through another week, it'll be on her looks alone (see also Barba, Antonella).
3. Lakisha Jones - Midnight Train to Georgia (Gladys Knight & the Pips)
   Hee. I "luv" Lakisha's grandma. Her crush on Ryan Seacrest is too cute. And what else can I say about Lakisha? She's done really really well so far. And she even pulls off that skirt - I thought it was adorable that her outfit was "distracting" for Simon. Hee.
4. Melinda Doolittle - My Funny Valentine (Ella Fitzgerald / Frank Sinatra / eleventy billion others)
   Haaaa! She used the phrase "hot mess", which I would not known if not for Tamika and Rita. Ah, I miss our old MS-I studying days, girls. Those two really helped get me through my first semester of medical school. Anyway, Melinda was exceptionally good. I wasn't expecting that.
5. Antonella Barba - Because You Loved Me (Celine Dion)
   That dress is hideous. The performance is only slightly less hideous. Sounded better than last week, but still - ack. Oh, and being snippy with Simon after not one, but TWO lackluster performances? Not cool. You don't get to be a diva yet, Antonella.
6. Jordin Sparks - Reflection (Christina Aguilera)
   I like her even better after learning that she toured with Michael W. Smith and that he's pulling her for on his website. But ack - I don't like it when Simon stares creepily at Paula. Or maybe he's staring at Randy, which is even more disturbing. Perhaps he's just hypnotized by Randy's screaming shirt.

   Ah, Kellie Pickler is on the results show - heh. I'm sure SarahK is thrilled.

7. Stephanie Edwards - Dangerously In Love (Beyonce)
   Well, she had fun with that - and it was good. Pretty dress, too - I wish I could pull off spaghetti straps. And that's all I've got to say.
8. Leslie Hunt - Feeling Good (Nina Simone / Michael Buble) *I'm purposely avoiding any and all deja vu jokes*
   She has a very strange speaking voice. Or perhaps I have strange ears. Grandpa Bob would undoubtedly tell her not to be so hyperreflexic (i.e., flappy) too. Are leggings and skirts coming back? Please tell me they're not. And now she is not even singing words. Man, Randy loves "pitchy". He tucks it in at night, gives it a kiss and reads it a bedtime story. Get a new adjective, Randy. And please make this crazy girl and her "dee da doo" clicking language go away.
9. Haley Scarnato - Queen of the Night (Whitney Houston)
   Simon's not going to like this. Aaaaand, I was right. Aww, he made her cry. Boo. I have a harder time writing that she was a spastic CrimpMonster when she's standing there with a trembling lower lip.
10. Sabrina Sloan - All the Man That I Need (Whitney Houston)
    I don't like when I can see someone's ribs inserting on their sternum. And I'm not just saying that because I'm a fat cow. After her performance, I'm remembering an old TWoP T-shirt - "Loud is the New Good". Indeed.

DialIdol shows crazy results, especially for the guys. Craaaaaaaazy. America, you're being stupid. Don't vote for people who talk their way through songs, please!

American Idol - Top 10 Guys

So, the guys apparently raised the bar this week. Not so hard to do, when all you did the week before was quietly place the bar on the ground and then back away from it, whistling. I did record this one, without the strange multicolored lines, and will have mpegs up for download shortly. Until then, here's my somewhat-live blog:

1. Phil Stacey - Missing You (John Waite) - Still sings good. Still looks like Bat Boy.
2. Jared Cotter - Let's Get It On (Marvin Gaye) - So, that skeeved me out. Simon and Pauler and their double entendres didn't help. Ack.
3. AJ Tabaldo & His Perfect Teeth - Feeling Good (Michael Buble / Nina Simone) - Wow, that was great. It really made him stick out in a good way, IMO. And then there's sticking out in a bad way ...
4. Sanjaya Malakar - Steppin' Out (Irving Berlin / Tony Bennett) - Poor guy. He's cute (albeit malnourished) and young, and I just wanted to cry for him. But he really was horrific - he talked his way through the whole song.
5. Chris Sligh - Trouble (Ray LaMontagne) - I can't believe that didn't make his wife cry. I would have been a blubbering mess. On the other hand, I'm emotionally unstable and crazy. :-)
6. Nick Pedro - Fever (Peggy Lee / Michael Buble / Ella Fitzgerald / Elvis Presley / et al.) - Dude. That drummer is back there rocking OUT. (I made that observation before Simon, btw.) Simon's snapping like a white boy. And I'm formulating a differential diagnosis for fever in the morning. Also, "Vote for Pedro"? Heh. That right there would make me vote for him.
7. Blake Lewis - Virtual Insanity (Jamiroquai) - Well, that was different. And Randy, *I* know who Jamiroquai is, just so you know. Hmph.

   I think all of these guys are buying their T-shirts from Threadless. (For good reason - they have cool stuff.)

8. Brandon Rogers - Time After Time (Cyndi Lauper) - I like his voice, and I really liked him last week - but, blah. Simon loves grandmas. Interesting. And I love when Simon completely ignores Paula's incoherent nuttiness. Randy randomly tells us that he likes dogs. Okay.
9. Chris Richardson - Geek in the Pink (Jason Mraz) - Yay! I love this song. It's because it reminds me of my grandmother. Except that it doesn't. I hope no one calls me Big Momma - not ever. Maybe Big Momma is a geek in the pink - like a pink muumuu, perhaps. Or maybe she has roseacea.
10. Sundance Head - Mustang Sally (Wilson Pickett) - Interesting song to dedicate to your 2-month-old son. Hmm.

So - my favorites at the moment are Chris Sligh, Blake Lewis, Nick Pedro and AJ Tabaldo. And I have my eye on Chris Richardson and Brandon Rogers. I think Chris and Sundance have basically the same schtick (except it's hair vs. beard), and Chris has a better voice - so he'll ultimately outlast Sundance. Just my opinion.

30 Unknown Facts/Secrets About Meeeeee

Occasionally I get an interesting quiz posted as a bulletin on MySpace, and I usually bring it over here because I find bulletins on MySpace annoying in general. Especially the ones that are like those stupid chain emails - *shudder*. Check things out at Snopes before you pass them along, people!

1. What ended your last relationship?
   Hmmm. It was almost 10 years ago and couldn't really be classified as a "relationship", especially compared to what I have with Scott. To make a long story short, I was at my high school's first football game the weekend after I started college, and I was sort of going out with the assistant coach. I say "sort of" because after he did what he did, he used, "We're not dating!" as an excuse. Anyway, I told him that I wanted to talk to him after the game, and he told me that he was going to the locker room for a few minutes and would be right back - he asked me to wait. So I did. And waited. And waited. I would still be waiting - he didn't come back.
2. When was the last time you shaved your legs?
   Heh. When you're in medical school, and when you run out of hot water in the shower after about eight minutes - probably about a week. Sometimes it gets so bad that when I finally do decide to defuzz, my tub looks like I've just shaved Oliver.
3. What were you doing this morning at 8AM?
   It's not 8AM yet. But I'll probably be in the shower - I have an MRI this morning on zee eeeeeevil pancreas.
4. First thought after waking up this morning?
   Why am I awake at 4:43AM?
5. Are you any good at math?
   Eh. Probably better than most of the general population, given the whole science degree thing - but compared to Scott and his crazy-intelligent mathematical mind, I can't add 2+2.
6. Your prom night?
   Junior high proms don't really count, and my junior prom? Ah. I had my first real documented panic attack the day of, and ended up not going. Sorry Jared. My senior year I was afraid of Panic Attack: The Sequel (that's how panic attacks work, see - they make you afraid of the next one), and I just went to after-prom. That way, it would be cheaper if I panicked and backed out again.
7. Do you have any famous ancestors?
   Unfortunately not. Yet! (I'm still waiting for my screenwriting cousin Dale to be famous.) Unless you consider a bunch of people with a weird form of hereditary pancreatitis to be famous. My family *was* in the journal Pediatrics way back when - documenting our screwy trypsinogen gene.
8. Have you ever taken out any loans to pay for school?
   Not until medical school - and I only take out the $8000 or $8500/year that is subsidized (or maybe unsubsidized - it's the one that doesn't accrue interest until I'm finished. I always mix them up.) God bless my parents and their hard work and sacrifice! One day, I will pay them back.
9. Do you know the words to the song on your MySpace profile?
   I know the words to an embarrassing lot of songs. I wish pharmacology was set to music.
10. Last thing received in the mail?
    Some crap from USMLERx - sorry USMLERx, but I'm already signed up for Kaplan's Q-bank for Step One. If it makes you feel any better, though, I'm totally not using it yet.
11. What would you rather be doing right now?
    Sleeping.
12. Do you ever leave messages on people's answering machine?
    Always - and they're usually long and rambly.
13. Who did you lose your CONCERT virginity to?
    What???? I haven't ... oh, CONCERT. Well, that one I can answer - it's somewhat embarrassing, but I was only like, eight. I went with Mom & Dad to see Conway Twitty and Randy Travis - LIVE! A double headliner. I still like a lot of their music - classic country is awesome and It's Only Make Believe is one of my favorite songs.
14. Do you draw your name in the sand when you go to the beach?
    It's been so long since I've been to the beach that I don't even remember. Now, I'd probably draw something dorky like a DNA molecule or a brainstem.
15. What's the most painful dental procedure you've had?
    My permanent "eye teeth" were chilling up in my gums, growing sideways. So when I got braces, I had surgery to put a bracket on each of them (the surgeon cut my palate and flipped it back to get to the wayward teeth - ouch) and attached this little plastic thing to each bracket, which my orthodontist would yank on and then tighten every time I had my braces adjusted. Yeeeeouch.
16. What is out of your back door?
    "Doo, doo, doo ... lookin' out my back door ..." Ahem. At home, there's a patio, a backyard, a "well house", and a garage. At the apartment, there's a hallway and stairs.
17. Do you have any plans for tonight?
    Probably studying and watching American Idol. Bleh, studying. Yay, American Idol! My life is sad, y'all.
18. Do you like the ocean?
    *sigh* Yes. I need a vacation.
19. Have you ever received one of those big tins of 3 different popcorn?
    That's a random question. No - no I haven't. I am a popcorn fan, though I could never eat that much by myself.
20. Have you ever been to a planetarium?
    Not since about the 5th grade.
21. What was your first alcoholic beverage?
    One drink of champagne at a cousin's wedding - and it was hideous. No alcohol for me since. Not only am I not interested in it, it would probably cause my pancreas to completely explode.
22. Something you are excited about?
    Finally being a doctoooooooor.
23. What is your favorite flavor of Jello?
    Strawberry. In all my days of pancreatitis, I've had lots and lots of Jello.
24. Favorite TV shows?
    Didn't I already answer this somewhere? All right, I'll do it again, because I love TV. 24; American Idol (shut up); America's Next Top Model (see previous comment re: shutting up); Arrested Development (RIP - Fox.Ruins.Everything.); Best Week Ever; Chappelle's Show; Coupling; Da Ali G Show; ER; Family Guy; Friends; House MD, House MD, and House MD (my TV boyfriend); Law & Order & L&O SVU (not Criminal Intent - I can't stand Vincent D'Onofrino); Monk; My Name Is Earl; The O.C. (again, Fox.Ruins.Everything.); The Office (US); Scrubs; Seinfeld; The Simpsons; South Park; and every stupid countdown on E! and VH1. Note that Grey's Anatomy is not on that list - I just can't get into it. It's just so ridiculously inferior to House and Scrubs.
25. Describe your keys:
    What? They're - uh - keys. Let me try again - they're usually locked in my car. Or my apartment. Or somewhere else that they shouldn't be.
26. Where do you keep your change?
    All over the place. Is anyone actually so organized that they have one place for their change? Wow. I'm in awe.
27. When was the last time you spoke in front of a large group of people?
    I did a presentation for behavioral medicine about a year ago with Todd & Michael - I think that's about it. Unless you count testifying and/or talking in church, which I do often.
28. What kind of winter coat do you have?
    Too many. A white puffy one from Lands End, an off-white one with a fuzzy collar, a black peacoat, a red trench coat, a blue trench coat - aaaaand I'm too embarrassed to list any more. Coats and shoes are my weaknesses. And beauty products - I have a love/hate relationship with Sephora.
29. What were you doing ten years ago?
    In my senior year of high school, probably pining over the guy in #1 and freaking out about going to college. I wish I could tell my 18-year-old self that I was going to be just fine.
30. Do you sleep with the door to your room open or closed?
    Open.

American Idol Top 12 Girls, and What Is Wrong With My DVR?

I'm having problems recording American Idol this season with my Windows Media Center (and all Fox shows, for that matter - I noticed that Sunday's Family Guy had this problem too.) It records, but when I play it back, there are colored vertical lines covering the bottom half of the screen. What's up with that? Is there some sort of protection on Fox shows now? If so, that SUCKS. I mean, I can't even watch the .dvr-ms file - and when I try to convert it to something like an .mpg/.mpeg (the horror!) I can't. My converter (DVRMSToolboxGUI) hangs. If anybody knows a way around this, let me know. This means I can't even record them to watch later. Sheesh. I'll try to figure it out as soon as I can - I'm on Spring Break next week, so maybe I can tinker with it then.

For now, here's a list of the songs from tonight, in case you want to know what they are. And girls? Keep in mind there ARE female singers besides Aretha Franklin. I ::heart:: her too, but they should limit Aretha to once per episode or something. Same with Stevie Wonder for the guys.

1. Stephanie Edwards - How Come You Don't Call Me Anymore (Alicia Keys)
2. Amy Krebs - I Can't Make You Love Me (Bonnie Raitt)
3. Leslie Hunt - You Make Me Feel Like A Natural Woman (Aretha Franklin)
4. Sabrina Sloan - I Never Loved A Man The Way I Love You (Aretha Franklin)
5. Antonella Barba - I Don't Wanna Miss A Thing (Aerosmith)
6. Jordin Sparks - Give Me One Reason (Tracy Chapman) - Aww. She's cute.
7. Nicole Tranquillo - Stay (Chaka Khan / Erykah Badu) - She made scary faces and yelled at me. Did not like.
8. Haley Scarnato - It's All Coming Back To Me Now (Celine Dion)
9. Melinda Doolittle - Since You've Been Gone (Aretha Franklin)
10. Alaina Alexander - Brass in Pocket - The Pretenders - Meh. I like The Pretenders, but even they bore me when they sing that particular song. Sorry. I really love her hair, though.
11. Gina Glocksen - All By Myself (Eric Carmen / Celine Dion) - She reminds me of my cousin Teresa (except for that red streak), who is a reader of my blog and is seriously pregnant. Everybody wave at Cousin Teresa who is seriously pregnant!
12. LaKisha Jones - And I Am Telling You I'm Not Going (from Dreamgirls) - Fantastic. I'm perturbed by her teeth, though - I hope she gets them fixed. Messed-up teeth annoy me. Does that make me evil?

Stephanie Edwards, Sabrina Sloan, LaKisha Jones, Jordin Sparks, Melinda Doolittle, and Gina Glocksen were the best, IMO, with LaKisha waaaaaaay above everyone else. Any of the others could go home - hopefully Amy Krebs (who looks like she's hyperreflexic) and Nicole Tranquillo.

American Idol Top 12 - The Guys

I had American Idol - the top 12 guys - on tonight while I was plodding through my genetics homework (I hate busywork in medical school. Grrrr.) I didn't pay very close attention, but I thought I'd post the names of the contestants and the songs they sang in case someone is Googling "what did blah blah blah sing". I also recorded it, and will post a mpeg in the AI folder of each performance soon (provided all of them actually recorded.)

1. Rudy Cardenas - Free Ride (Edgar Winter Group)
2. Brandon Rogers - Rock With You (Michael Jackson)
3. Sundance Head - Nights in White Satin (Moody Blues)
4. Paul Kim and his Guilty Feet - Careless Whisper (aka - I'm Never Gonna Dance Again) by George Michael (or Wham!)
5. Chris Richardson - I Don't Wanna Be (by Gavin DeGraw)
6. Nick Pedro - Now & Forever (Richard Marx)
7. Blake Lewis - Somewhere Only We Know (Keane)
8. Sanjaya Malakar - Knocks Me Off My Feet (Stevie Wonder)
9. Chris Sligh - Typical (Mute Math) ? Not sure about that one. Correct me in the comments if I'm wrong.
10. Jared Cotter - Back At One (Brian McKnight)
11. A.J. Tabaldo - Never Too Much (Luther Vandross)
12. Phil Stacey - I Could Not Ask For More (Edwin McCain)

I do have a couple of comments, but no lengthy commentary, because everybody either ho-hummed me to death or put me to sleep. I think I might like Brandon Rogers, though, and possibly Phil Stacey (though he looks like Bat Boy) and Blake Lewis - but it could be because Blake Lewis sang a great song. I absolutely hate "Back At One", so Jared Cotter already has a strike against him. (Much like SarahK when someone sings a Stevie Wonder song.) I had to be aroused with a sternal rub after Nick Pedro sang me a lullaby. Sanjaya Malakar was snoozy as well - and he's like, half a person, y'all. I want to make him a cheesecake and some fettucini alfredo or something. Chris Richardson obviously DOES wanna be someone else, and that's Justin Timberlake, hence the mimicry attempt that ended up coming out nasally. He's so been practicing in front of the mirror for an embarrassingly long time. If he finds his own style, I may like him too.

I have no earthly idea who might be going home this week - there were many more than two that were completely forgettable. Sorry for the dry post, but I've had a relentless headache all day and it's about to beat me into submission. Goodnight, loyal readers.

Dave Matthews on House? Squeeeee!

I read in TV Guide this week that Dave Matthews is going to be a guest star (i.e., Patient of the Week) on House M.D. in March. He'll play a pianist. Oh man, my head may explode. I am endlessly entertained by them both.

In other House news, there was a good song at the end of tonight's episode - Grey Room by Damien Rice (iTunes). I Googled the lyrics and then added it to my iTunes cart.

Speaking of lyrics - some particular lyrics of one of my favorite songs in the world, Long Ride Home by Patty Griffin (iTunes - go preview it at least - Patty Griffin is amazing) have been really hitting home with me lately:

Forty years go by with someone lying in your bed
Forty years of things you say you wish you'd never said
How hard would it have been to say some kinder words instead
I wonder as I stare up at the sky turning red

I've had some time to think about you
And watch the sun sink like a stone
I've had some time to think about you
On the long ride home

Headlights staring at the driveway
The house is dark as it can be
I go inside and all is silent
It seems as empty as the inside of me ...

I guess I'm grateful for life's ebbs and flows - it makes you appreciate the good times when you have to go through bad ones. But still - sometimes, I just feel emotionally drained - like I just have nothing left to give.

*sign*

The one where I'm Debbie Downer. Sorry.

You know, I actually had a post knocking around in my head today, and I thought, "Tonight there will be a new post on the blog! A good one too!" These kinds of things are exciting to me, because my life is sad.

However, I ended up having a rather crappy evening (nothing I want to talk about here or anything - I mention it only because I want to remember what date it was) and then when I got home and looked at all the shopping bags and merriment and such littering my floor, I realized that ... I don't have a job. And I can't afford to give people Christmas presents like I usually do, and like I love to do, because I don't have a job. So I've spent the last couple of hours crying, and putting together bags of stuff to return tomorrow, which isn't nearly as much fun as buying gifts for people. Bleh. I can't wait until 2 1/2 years go by and I'm employed again. I've almost decided to take out more loans than I usually do the next time I have to fill out a renewal FAFSA, because I hate mooching off of my parents. I know my dad doesn't mind, but I still hate it.

Sorry for the downer post. And if you're still shopping, by any chance, you could use my Amazon link to help me pay for my server. It really does help, when people use it. And whoever bought the diamond watch, I love you to bits. That is all.

Oh, and this? Re: Justin Timberlake and the *bleep* in a box? Is hilarious. Not that one of those is on my list or anything. I just want some DiorShow mascara and DVDs. That video almost, almost - made me feel better after an evening of tears and feeling crappy about myself.

Tyra Banks wants me to fail medical school (in addition to Flavor Flav)

I mean, Flavor Flav also wants me to fail medical school - not that Tyra Banks wants Flavor Flav to fail medical school. Just so we're clear.

I'm telling you, since I have been a medical student, there is an America's Next Top Model marathon on VH1 the weekend before a big exam - EVERY TIME. (A few times, that's not quite true - but Flavor Flav has picked up the slack with a Flavor of Love marathon to fill in those gaps.) And when there's an America's Next Top Model marathon on VH1, I must watch it. All of it! I think Tyra Banks is some kind of voodoo queen with her emaciated girls and their giant rats' nest hairdos, and their crazy photo shoots on shaky runways - sucks me RIGHT IN. I can't help it.

And true to form, there's a marathon on today, and I have a pathology final tomorrow morning. What to do, what to do. Of course, I do only have to get a 75 or something to keep my B* in pathology. So I don't think Tyra will completely sabotage me this time. Mwahahahaha!

*This B brought to you by my friend Christy, who forces me to study, no matter how badly I want to get up and do The Running Man to an Ace of Base song on the 90s Music Choice channel.

You know, I wish Clay Aiken would just come out (pardon the pun) and answer the gay question already. Just a yes or no. Not that it matters to me - I still love his voice, I just won't love his morals if the answer is yes. But doesn't he get that by refusing to answer the question, most people assume the answer is "yes"?

Surely he gets that. He's a smart cookie. (But what was with the short-lived stubble which made its debut on Leno? Has Clay been watching too much House MD?)

Also, calling Diane Sawyer "rude" on Good Morning America*? Boo. I like Diane Sawyer. She's supposed to ask intrusive questions, that's her job.

In other Clay news, if you buy the album from iTunes, you get a bonus track called Lover All Alone that is just so pretty. I would have preferred to have a whole album of songs like that, personally.