Ah, the familiar AI stage. Ryan spends about 5 minutes making sure we understand that the auditions are OVER and we now get to CHOOSE. I'm wondering if Ryan is getting tired of this gig. I could almost hear it in his intro: "THIS ..." (I hate my life) "Is American Idol."
Oh geez, Danny Noreiga - you don't want anyone to be having one of those "is he or isn't he" discussions, do you?
David Arc-somebody is the guy with the tinglies that I said reminds me a little of a junior-high Scott.
Words of advice from the judges? Randy - Keep it real, man. Paula - pick the right songs. Apparently Simon is babbling and not letting her think. Right. Simon is looking for personality and originality, and someone who sings well.
Triple duh to all of that.
And now a quick recap, before we pay the bills - there's silly string, high-pitched screams, and the "OLLYWOOD" sign. Oh - I guess I should get a wide-screen TV.
Heeeeere's David Hernandez, with our first song from the 60s. He's 24 years old and from Glendale, AZ. It comes from his soul when he sings, and not his larynx like everyone else. He says he's from a broken family and lived in low income housing, which is what makes the singing come from the soul and not the larynx where it would normally come from. I wonder how long you have to live in low-income housing for that phenomenon to occur? Anyway, he was a wreck on the elevator last week, and Simon told him he's got to work a heck of a lot harder. We shall see. He's singing Wilson Pickett's "In the Midnight Hour", with a different arrangement (a slow, gospel-ish beginning with an organ.) Those last couple of notes were a little sour, but I didn't see anything particularly wrong with him. Randy tells him to watch the long phrasing, yo. And then Randy gets all excited because the competition is ONNNNN! Paula says something about coloring up his vibratto. Simon admits that it's better than he thought - he liked the beginning, the middle was "rabbit in the headlights" (huh?) and a few bad notes in the end. He also says there wasn't anything particularly distinctive about it. I agree. Jay says his self-confidence is better from the comments. It was probably the rabbit in the headlights comment - I know *I* feel better about myself when someone calls me a rabbit.
Next is the guy who shows the importance of sticking to your dreams. It's Chikezie! He auditioned last year and got to Hollywood, but then was sent home. Sucks for him. Apparently he practiced a little, and now he's back. He's nice and smiley. I hope he does well. He's wearing an orange suit, singing that he doesn't remember what day it was or what time it was - I'm thinking that I don't know what notes those were and that he's starting off rather badly. (Actually, he's singing More Today Than Yesterday by Spiral Starecase.) Okay, maybe it was nerves - he's getting better. Randy says Chikezie is an old-fashioned singer and that he needs to young-it-up. Paula reassures him that he's here, in case he didn't know. She says he looks good and has lost a lot of weight, and that his smile is infectious. Simon stumbles over Chikezie (I would too) calling him something like "Jacuzzi" and says he hated the whole performance. Chikezie is getting attitude-y and isn't letting him finish. Simon is saying the wink and the suit and such were too cheesy, Chikezie. Chikezie is trying to explain - it's the 60s genre, and the 60s were cheesy. Okay. Chikezie isn't understanding the criticism and is acting in that annoying "I know more than the judges" way. Don't do that, Chikezie. No! Bad dog!
Ryan's on the red couch with Colton Berry, who would like the audience to know that he looks like Ellen DeGeneres at certain angles. Eeep. He also reassures us that since the judges tell him he's too theatrical, he's been trying to tone it down (heh - I first typed "tutone it down", which involves using real phone numbers in songs and tormenting people with that phone number through all eternity.) Anyway, I'm glad he's Tutoning it down. I've been losing sleep over that all week.
David Cook is too relaxed, says Ryan. He's 25 and from Missouri. Simon said that his audition in Omaha was either a bit "wordy" or "worthy". Huh? A question for the ages, because now even Simon can't remember what he said. In Hollywood, it seems that holding on to a guitar makes David too comfortable. Maybe I should put one in my white coat pocket. David needlessly says that it's good to have people say, "Hey, you don't suck." David, we already knew that. David starts on the Stool of Seriousness (tm Shack) and is singing So Happy Together. I liked the arrangement, although the very end sounded a little strained and I was afraid he was going to throw the mic stand. Randy felt it, dawg. Paula tries to make fun of the wordy/worthy thing, and fails miserably. Simon didn't like the weird middle but says that he almost made it believeable. Ryan asks Randy if he's seeing David's persona evolve. Randy answers and says something about Alice in Chains. Well.
A one-hour results show - ick. Lots of filler. But I will watch, because AI does that to me. Jason Yeager is a singing surfer. Or a singing surgeon. Surfer, I think. Jason took his kid to Hollywood, and naturally hugged his son after getting his Hollywood ticket in a lovely family moment. He wants to win to show his son that he can achieve his dreams. Oh dear - he's going to milk this son/family thing for all it's worth (for more information, see Grayson, Josh.) Jason is singing Moon River from the Stool of Seriousness. But no! He has arisen! He's just so excited about two drifters off to see the world. He's singing well, but smiling in weird places. And look, his son! In the audience! Did you know he had a son? Randy says it's a tough song to sing, and it's tougher than Jason probably even thought. Kind of like medical school. (Randy didn't say that, I did.) Randy actually gives some real advice and tells him not to lose his concentration in the middle of a song like that, because it seems that he kind of went away halfway through. Paula tries to say the same thing Randy said, fails miserably because it was actually coherent and useful, and ends up saying that she did her first ballet recital to that song. Awwwww. Jason talks about his grandmother, because she taught him the song. Awwwwwwww. Nobody told me I was going to need tissues! Good grief, people. Simon thought it was very cruise ship - how'd I know he was going to say that? Simon also says that some of us are sitting at home with question marks over our heads. I don't see one above my head, FYI. The judges get into a weird conversation about dogs, and Simon gets a little defensive and says he's raised a LOT of dogs from puppies, darn it! Oooookay. Don't touch that dial!
Ryan reminds us that we're voting for our favorite guy, instead of our favorite girl or favorite sandwich or favorite houseplant. Look, it's Robbie Carrico, everybody! And we're going to time-warp to Robbie Carrico's audition, where Robbie Carrico is looking a lot like Bo Bice! Pauler is looking very googly-eyed at him at his audition. Apparently, Robbie was in a group (Boyz N Girlz United - Bwahahahahaha. Info courtesy of Katrina) and toured with Britney Spears. Ack. He says that he was dying to do some rock after that (understandably.) He did Hemorrhage (In my Hands) by Fuel in Hollywood, and it turned out really well, which surprised him. Now he's doing One is the Loneliest Number - which is one of my favorite songs about numbers. Is he rocking it up just a bit? Cool. Then again, it needs something because the song only has one and a half lines of lyrics. I might like this guy. Stay tuned. Robbie had Randy rockin' out. Pauler says it's the perfect song for him, he looks fantastic, he was authentic, and droooooooooool. Simon says it's the only performance we've seen that had any semblance of making sense, because Robbie made it current. Simon is perplexed, trying to decide if he's a rock or pop singer, and decides the best way to figure this out is to ask Robbie. Robbie says something that I thought was "Pop", but I guess it was "Rock." I don't think Simon believes him.
David Archuleta - he's all shaky and giggly. And he looks like he's eleven. And he's singing Shop Around. He sounds pretty good, but the background vocals are bad and are distracting, IMO. He didn't change the song a bit - except for slowing down the ending, which isn't really changing it. Judges? Randy says he's a big fan and that it was really brilliant. Apparently, according to Randy, David sang the song very maturely for a 17-year-old. All right then. Paula has forgotten how old he is, and sees a confident older soul who "knows what's best for you." She's such a blatherer. I think she means she's trying to rationalize away the fact that he's jailbait. Simon loved it. David is speechless and is babbling all over the place. Ryan says, "You're so likeable." Awww! Randy lurves David. Cute. Here's the thing, though - David's gotta start saying actual words and not just mumble through a bunch of giggles.
Ryan does some really hard math for us - we started with 12, we've seen six - which leaves ... oh, how many, how many??? Six. Thanks Ryan. Oh my, Danny Noreiga. He got cut last year. He's got a nice voice (sorry, Katrina, but something about his voice reminds me a smidge of Clay Aiken. Not the gay part, though. Really, I promise. I'm not trying to blow the dust off of dead horses in order to kick them without causing my allergies to flare.) Danny's singing Jailhouse Rock by Elvis. The girls are politely rocking out. The performance was meeehhhhh. Randy asks what's going down, and Danny says nothing much is going down. You know, it's hard to answer Randy's questions, really it is. Randy says Danny knows how to have a good time no matter what, and that the vocals didn't allow him to do his thing. But that the vocals were kind of hot. Okay. Paula gives a few synonyms of hot - she randomly says, "warm, scalding" and then says she loves how his voice goes in and out of all of these wonderful colors. Simon doesn't understand Pauler (does anyone?) and finally asks her about the colors - "what color was that?" Blue? Purple? Heh. Simon calls the performance grotesque and says that if you're going to do Elvis, do it well. I agree. He says that if someone just tuned in and saw someone butchering an Elvis song, they wouldn't believe this was the most talented group of people in America. Then the judges bicker for awhile, during which Paula doesn't listen and Simon makes lots of sense. On the seal with Ryan, Danny gets all snippy and catty - "Some people didn't LIKE IT." That's actually what judges do, though - sometimes they like it, sometimes they don't. They judge stuff. I liked his audition vocals better, myself.
Ryan points out the ladies and asks if they're feeling good. He ponders whether the next idol will be a lady or will it be Luke Menard? Hmmmm. Luke auditioned in season 6 in Memphis, and was cut there. He practiced, worked on things, and got a golden ticket in Omaha. And then he and his wife jumped up and down! Yay! It was so fun! Then he made the top 24, and some guys picked him up and gave him high fives! Hooray! Luke is singing Everybody's Talking, more slowly than the versions I've heard. He doesn't work the stage very well - standing there with his hands through his beltloops or in his pockets or something - and his vocals are forgettable. Let's see what the judges say - I'll bet Pauler heard colors or saw lyrics or smelled butterflies or something. Randy calls "pitchy". It wasn't great for him, dude. Paula didn't think it was the best song choice and was glad his earlier auditions were good - that he has that Kenny Loggins tenderness. (?) Simon asks Pauler what color it was, and she said it wasn't black or gray. (I'm guessing this is a joke about his choices in T-shirts.) Simon says it was forgettable (after I wrote it up there, I promise) and that no one is going to remember him. Then he shushes Paula because she's blathering on and interrupting him. Luke says he felt good when he was singing and didn't agree with Simon and me on the "forgettable" assessment. He thinks people will remember the performance tomorrow. Keep on dreaming, Luke. Ryan gives Pauler a non-existent "Patience" award. Or maybe it's a "Patient" award. That would make much more sense.
Colton Berry, He of the Light Eyelashes, is next. Dang, he keeps revealing embarrassing things about himself. He sings the Teletubbies theme song in his head when he's nervous, which he did for about three hours before auditioning. He says this is all he's ever wanted. I guess he didn't want anything at all before 2002. Not even a Tickle-Me Elmo, and everybody wanted one of those. Anyway, he's singing Suspicious Minds and appears very happy to be there. I think they've dyed his hair and eyelashes and he looks much better. Mercy, his dancing is spastic and bad. The singing is okay, though. Randy points out that he was having fun and that he found his way toward the end. (Better to find your way at the beginning, but whatever.) Pauler agrees with the "fun" assessment. She doesn't think it's his best performance. Simon says it's not as bad as the other Elvis song. He reminds us that this show is to find a recording artist, and that he heard Young Kid Singing Song Well On Musical Theater. Ryan asks him to elaborate. Simon calls it kareoke and Paula clarifies by saying something like, "Maybe you'll show another side and that side will better kareoke..." Huh? Whatever it was, it was particularly nonsensical, even for Pauler.
Ryan points out that Garrett Haley hasn't had much camera time, but that Kelly Clarkson didn't either. Also, though, Kelly could SANG and she was cute and she was very likeable. Garrett tells us he's been watching the show since he was 9 or 10 (I am OLD) and he thinks he looks like Ellen DeGeneres too. Stop the madness, people! None of you look like Ellen DeGeneres! Garrett was on vacation and decided to audition - his mom said, "Go big or go home." I think his mom should write a book. Garrett is singing a painfully slow version of Breaking Up Is Hard to Do, and I'm recalling choreography from Richard Simmons's Sweating to the Oldies. Shut up. Garrett is singing well, it's just too slow. He should have switched it up in the middle or something. I mean, good grief, I've cleaned out two closets and defragged my hard drive since he's been singing. And made toast. Anybody else want some? Oh wait, he's done now. The crowd is going berserk, but I don't know why. Randy is not going berserk. He says that he loves the song and gives props to Neil Sedaka, but that Garrett didn't do anything with the song and didn't bring anything new or interesting. Garrett also had a couple of pitch problems, says Randy. Oh man, Pauler just agreed with what I said up there. I think I shall poke myself in the eyeball. Simon agrees with the others and says that he looks like he's been shut up in his bedroom for a few months - he needs some sunlight, fresh air, and needs to make himself young. What? Garrett assures us that he's breathing, and I think Paula has fallen asleep. Someone please check her pupils for miosis or mydriasis. Did Simon just call Garrett a young girl? Anyway, Simon tells Garrett he needs to become relevant. I agree. Garrett reacts very well to this, says it's constructive criticism that he'll take to heart, and doesn't show the ridiculous attitude that we saw from Chikezie.
Ryan reminds us of the iTunes thing, that we can carry around the top 24 in our pocket. Whee! It's just what I've always wanted. Jason Castro is 20 years old and from Texas. He says he'd only sung in public about 5 times before his audition in Dallas, and that he plays drums. He also plays guitar, and did so in Hollywood - Simon called it one of his favorite auditions that day. Jason is singing What A Day For A Daydream, accompanied by himself on guitar, and I'm actually enjoying his performance - with a bit of head-bobbing, even. He's showing some good range, and his voice is enjoyable. Judges - Randy says he's a little pitchy and was a'ight, but didn't blow him away. Jason DID blow Pauler away - she's all over herself with praise. He picked a song perfect for him, it was minimal, effortless, and he was a blend of every favorite color she knows. So, she liked it. Simon says that Jason was in the top 2 of the night, along with David. He says that Jason's got charisma, and that his performance was terrific. Jason is obviously nervous and can't find any words. He says that the judges comments "feel[s] good."
Michael Johns - 29 years old and from Australia originally. He's been in the United States for 10 years. Oh, this is the guy that did the great Bohemian Rhapsody in Hollywood! I'd forgotten his name, but I like this guy. He seems articulate too, which I like. He's singing Light My Fire by The Doors. This is what he sang in the Hollywood first round, isn't it? Whatever, it sounded really great. Randy says that this is a great way to end a great night and that he threw all caution to the wind - he says Michael was the bomb tonight. Pauler says that he did set everyone on fire. Ouch. Simon calls Michael the most consistent contestant they have, although he didn't like this as much as Bohemian Rhapsody because he was "overtrying". Great review from Simon - he says that Michael has just "got it". Michael's feeling good about this, considering that he was nervous about Simon's critique. Ryan begs us not to let your favorite disappear.
My favorites:
Michael JohnsJason CastroDavid Cook
And I think David Archuleta is cute. That is all. So ends my foray into live-blogging - did you like? Should I do it again sometime?
Labels: AmericanIdol, ChikezieEze, ColtonBerry, DannyNoriega, DavidArchuleta, DavidCook, DavidHernandez, GarrettHaley, JasonCastro, JasonYeager, LukeMenard, MichaelJohns, Music, RobbieCarrico, TV
